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how do u get ur 4yo ready for big school 😭

17 replies

ChangingChances89 · 25/08/2025 09:17

hi, feelin bit lost tbh. my lil boy is 4 n startin reception next week. i feel like i not made him ready at all. he still struggles with his uniform, cant do buttons, hates shoes on for long. he dont really sit still for stories, always up n down, n he gets upset in noisy busy places. i keep thinkin hes gonna get in trouble straight away n they gonna say hes naughty 😢

do u do anythin to get them ready? like should i be practicin sittin at table or lettin him wear his uniform round the house? i dont wanna mess this up for him but i feel like i prob already have.

any advice be really helpful x

OP posts:
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Wirdle · 25/08/2025 09:43

Does he go to nursery/pre school? They'll have been doing lots of school readiness.

Keep his uniform as simple as possible, velco, elastic waists, zips etc to help. Wash it so it's not new and stiff, wear the shoes in a bit but I wouldn't stress this last week just enjoy the time together. School will have seen it all before.

ChangingChances89 · 25/08/2025 10:17

Wirdle · 25/08/2025 09:43

Does he go to nursery/pre school? They'll have been doing lots of school readiness.

Keep his uniform as simple as possible, velco, elastic waists, zips etc to help. Wash it so it's not new and stiff, wear the shoes in a bit but I wouldn't stress this last week just enjoy the time together. School will have seen it all before.

yeah hes been in nursery but they always said he very lively 🙈 they did try help him but i still worry hes not like the other kids. i got him velcro shoes n elastic trousers cos he cant do buttons yet. thank u, maybe i just need chill a bit n let him be x

OP posts:
THISnewbeginning · 25/08/2025 10:22

My ds turned four a few weeks ago and is due to start school in two weeks. He is OK with clothes and shoes, he is however I suspect going to be very upset at the actual separation. But reception teachers do this every single year so I'm not too worried

PopThatBench · 25/08/2025 10:24

He’ll be fine.
The Reception class I worked in were fully prepared for semi-feral children 😂 there were a few door frame clingers that would literally have to be manhandled into school while their parents dropped them off.
There were a few who kept taking their shoes off, loads of wee accidents, lots of crying and running around but eventually, they do learn the rules and settle down.
To encourage him, just make school sound like the most exciting place to be. Lots of Velcro/elastic on shoes and trousers. Coming into the winter, make sure he can do his own coat up and get mittens instead of gloves.
Put his name/label/sticker in EVERYTHING for Reception x

HappydaysArehere · 25/08/2025 10:35

As above. Also some children will cry when mum is going but only long enough until she is out of sight. Then a complete turn around and quite happy. One mum I remember quite distressed about this. So an arrangement was made so that the school secretary would appear a short while after her departure and then ring mum to let her know how he was doing.

ChangingChances89 · 25/08/2025 10:42

THISnewbeginning · 25/08/2025 10:22

My ds turned four a few weeks ago and is due to start school in two weeks. He is OK with clothes and shoes, he is however I suspect going to be very upset at the actual separation. But reception teachers do this every single year so I'm not too worried

thats my big worry too 😢 ds still clings on me n cries if i leave him with any1. i keep tellin myself like u said the teachers must be used to it but it still breaks my heart thinkin of him upset. feels like such a big step for them doesn’t it x

OP posts:
THISnewbeginning · 25/08/2025 10:49

It's a massive step but the majority of children do settle

I had a reception starter last year too (although a much older one) and he was quiet and teary at first but he did get better

BoleynMemories13 · 25/08/2025 11:40

Please take a step back and try to relax. Reception teachers are well use to wriggly children and no decent teacher is going to equate wriggly with naughty. Anyone who does clearly doesn't understand child development.

It's normal for children to still struggle with fiddly fastenings at the start of Reception, but once he's doing it daily he'll soon get there. The best thing you can do is encourage him to be independent in putting things like his shoes and coat on, as this will help him when he starts. Staff will always help a child who is stuck but they'll expect them to try first. It's always obvious when they start who is use to their parents doing absolutely everything for them, as they will simply hand everything to the adults expecting them to do it for them. As long as he is use to trying, he will get there with practise. It sounds like you've made sensible choices with footwear etc, you wouldn't believe how many buy laces for a Reception child! Getting him to wear bits around the house is a good idea if you think he needs time to get use to it all, but not essential.

His concentration should naturally improve as he gets older, and school often helps with this as it's more structured than nursery. They are only expected to sit for 5 minutes or so at a time to start with, but this will be for several carpet sessions a day so those who struggle with it initially get use to it quite quickly. Most children generally accept carpet time as part of the school routine. Obviously if he doesn't get use to it and still can't sit for more than a couple of minutes by Christmas that could be a sign of an issue, but you and his school will tackle that together if and when the time comes. For now, they won't think anything of it if he struggles to sit for more than a few minutes. He won't be the only one either.

It depends what you mean by encouraging him to sit at the table, but I'd definitely encourage this for meal times if he doesn't do so already, as that will be an expectation at school that he sits at the table to eat lunch (again, this is something we are finding several children struggle with each year initially, if they're not use to structured meal times at home). Sitting to eat lunch and being able to feed himself independently are all part of school readiness, so if he does those things already that's great.

It really is all about independence when it comes to school readiness so please try not to worry about things like focus and concentration, or anything academic. That will all come in time.

If he can separate from you reasonably ok (as in settles after a few minutes, even if initially upset), can attempt to dress himself independently, can feed himself and manage toilet needs reasonably independently, and communicate his basic needs effectively etc, then he's more than ready to start school. You haven't messed anything up at all. School will expect the odd tears at drop off (especially initially), they'll expect him to still need help with the odd item of clothing, or still need occasional assistance with toileting etc.

ChangingChances89 · 25/08/2025 11:42

thank u all this made me feel bit better ❤️ ds is def one of them clingy ones lol i can already picture him grabbin the door frame 😩 but good to know they seen it all before n it don’t mean he wont settle. i might ask if they can let me know how he does after i leave coz i’ll prob be cryin myself 😅 x

OP posts:
Sussexswain · 25/08/2025 15:41

I really don’t know many 4 years olds who are good at buttons! Mine certainly isn’t and I have bought Sainsbury’s trousers and shorts that just pull up. Do you know if he will need to change for PE at school?

Sussexswain · 25/08/2025 15:49

I would manage your expectations that they probably won’t be able to contact you to tell you how he is. This is a very different environment than nursery and there will be 30 children they are dealing with. I am guessing he will be doing short days to begin with though? So you will be back before he knows it im sure!

THISnewbeginning · 25/08/2025 16:06

Does your school have an app?

Mine does for reception and they will share photos during the day on there, also if you pop them a message checking on DC they usually do respond

BoleynMemories13 · 25/08/2025 17:42

THISnewbeginning · 25/08/2025 16:06

Does your school have an app?

Mine does for reception and they will share photos during the day on there, also if you pop them a message checking on DC they usually do respond

This is much less common practice now, since they made changes to the EYFS to mean practitioners don't need loads of physical evidence to 'prove' a child's achievements anymore. Anecdotal evidence is accepted. Teachers just need to be able to talk about a child's abilities and achievements in the main, with physical evidence only really required for writing now.

As much as schools pretended it was for the parents, the regular photos and write ups of what their child was doing in school was more to keep an evidence log. It was something which had to be done, so may as well be shared with the parents.

This was incredibly time consuming, and thankfully they saw sense and realised that this evidence box ticking task impacted on the time teachers were able to dedicate to actually teaching children in their care. There's a much greater focus now on quality interactions, rather than teachers spending large parts of the day snapping away and typing up what that photo is evidence of.

A lot of schools are doing away with apps such as Tapestry altogether now, as they're just too expensive to justify now an evidence log is no longer required. Those who do keep them are unlikely to do daily uploads on individual children. Many will just do weekly updates with a handful of class photos, more like a class blog.

Obviously each school is different, but for most the days of daily Tapestry updates in Reception are long gone.

I agree about not asking for an update OP, as they simply can't do that for 30 children. Just ask that they contact you if there's an issue, and take no news as good news. They won't leave him sobbing all day. Chances are, he'll be fine after a few minutes. I know it's hard when you leave them crying, but most children are much better once their caregiver has actually left and is out of sight.

THISnewbeginning · 25/08/2025 18:00

The main purpose of our schools parent app is communication not lots of observations

BoleynMemories13 · 25/08/2025 18:38

THISnewbeginning · 25/08/2025 18:00

The main purpose of our schools parent app is communication not lots of observations

Fair enough, you said they share photos during the day so I thought maybe you were posting your own experience from years ago and I was just saying that isn't usually the case now (in case it gave OP false hope that they'll be updates everyday).

Obviously all schools are different but our staff don't generally check our app throughout the day for messages from parents, as we're too busy with the children. We prefer messages to be passed on personally at the door at drop off or pick up, to avoid them being missed.

Charmatt · 25/08/2025 20:09

If your child is likely to find separation difficult, tge best advice I can give you is to walk your child in rather than carry them. Get them to carry their own bag, water bottle, lunchbag, etc - not only does that distract them, it also helps them to remember what they take in and children tend to lose fewer things if they know what they've got.

Make school sound exciting and kepp drop off brief, telling him how proud you ate that he's turned into a big boy who goes to school.

If you are likely to get upset, hold it together until you've turned and are leaving.

Make drop off as quick and breezy as possible.

Katykaty11 · 26/08/2025 10:10

Try not to worry and be positive. Reception teachers are used to children crying initially at drop off. Usually there are enough children sitting on the carpet after a few minutes for them to follow the example. Maybe agree a little routine eg 2 kisses a hug and bye. I would let them wear the uniform for an hour or so to get used to it. Sometimes a new rucksack can help with making starting fun. Teachers can't routinely call to let you know your child is fine. When they are full time try a breakfast at late as possible and go to the loo. Don't be surprised if they cry at pick up and bring a snack as they will be hungry. Avoid asking lots of questions about their day just relax. Honestly the majority of children will be fine.

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