Advice needed: EHCP nearly finalised – how do I find the right school for my gifted ADHD son?

[Pretendingsleepingtigerrrrr]

I’m hoping some experienced parents might be able to offer advice, as I’m feeling quite overwhelmed trying to navigate the system.
My son is going into Year 5 and his EHCP is in the final stages of being finalised. He was diagnosed with combined-type ADHD at the start of Year 4. He’s also gifted, particularly in spatial reasoning – things like LEGO, 3D puzzles, maps, and visual problem-solving come naturally to him. He can picture how things fit together in ways most children (and many adults) can’t – but he really struggles with concentration and emotional regulation due to earlier trauma and a lack of support in school.

We moved back to the UK just before he started Year 3, after thriving abroad in what would have been the equivalent of Year 2. Since returning, it’s been an uphill battle. His current school is rated Outstanding by Ofsted, but our experience has been quite the opposite. He was regularly punished for behaviour linked to his (at the time undiagnosed) ADHD, and there’s been very little pastoral or emotional support. Even the two educational psychologists who assessed him – both of whom have been absolutely brilliant – were surprised by how poorly he had been treated due to the school’s lack of understanding of his needs.

I didn’t realise at the time that I could request an EHCP myself – the school wouldn’t initiate it – and I now wish I’d pushed earlier. But we’re here now, and I’m trying to work out what the next step should be:

• Should he stay where he is and we push for proper support through the EHCP?
• Or should I be actively looking at other schools – either mainstream with strong SEN provision or possibly a specialist setting?

We’re based on the west side of Wandsworth, not far from Wimbledon. I’m also open to schools in Fulham or Richmond, but moving further afield isn’t realistic. I’m a single parent with a demanding full-time job, and trying to get my head around what options actually exist.

My son wants to do well – he’s told both EPs, me, and a few supportive teachers that he just wants to be in a school where he can succeed and not feel “different.” In some environments, he can come across as hyper and emotionally younger than his age, but when he feels safe, he shows remarkable thoughtfulness and calm. There’s a big contrast between how he presents at home and how he’s been at school.

I’m not expecting anyone to tell me exactly which school would suit him – I know every child is different – but I’d really appreciate any help or insights around:

• How to approach the school search once you have an EHCP
• Whether the LA (Wandsworth) provides a list of schools or makes recommendations
• What types of provision or questions I should be looking out for
• Pros and cons of mainstream vs specialist in this kind of case
• Or anything that helped you if you’ve been in a similar situation

Thanks so much for reading (and sorry for the long post). I really appreciate any advice or pointers you can share.

As he isn't far off secondary, it might be worth prioritising that search. Are you looking for private or state?

I can't help with particular schools, as no idea about the area, however it sounds like there might be an outright objection for a specialist school unless it's private. I know a non-verbal autistic child (whose abilities mean he would be unable function in mainstream) who has been turned down for one and whose parents have had to appeal.

(BTW: the ofsted ratings are pretty much meaningless, which is why they have been scrapped (many with this rating haven't been inspected in a long time, and often it doesn't reflect some key things that you may be looking for) The key is to put in the legwork and find the right school for your child.)

How old is he in the year? Especially coming from other country recently, could he drop back a year.

He could but this is proven by psychologists to be more detrimental in the long term. What kid especially gifted kid would want to repeat what they’ve done?

ive heard in America they do this purposefully to help their kids get scholarships but Im going to bite my lip on that one.

Ofsted still inspect schools but they don’t and cannot rate them for individual needs. The ECHP will state whether it’s special school or not. You will not get one just because you fancy it. Why not talk to your existing SENDCO and head and talk through options with them because they are now getting money and must facilitate the ECHP. How will they do that?

Changing is a big deal for a couple of years and you will need to see what secondary makes sense for him too.

If his current school won't support him, then you probably don't have a choice but to move him (so bad for a child to be somewhere where they are demonised).

The EHCP will state exactly what the school is required to provide (section F).

I can't imagine, from what you say, that any special/specialist school is going to be good for him - indeed I'm pretty appalled that an EHCP is necessary to support a child like your son's - it doesn't sound as if including him should be so very difficult.

Once you have the EHCP in hand, you can go round different schools and talk to them about how they will support your son. IME run a MILE from any school that isn't completely welcoming, no matter how good its reputation is...

I’d focus on secondary. For a gifted child who will thrive when they feel safe and supported, you could try small independent mainstream schools. You’ll find you fall in a gap - large state with excessive rules and rigidity won’t suit but nor will specialist which may not offer a full curriculum.
My gifted autistic child has thrived in mainstream independent fully funded by the LA as their state mainstreams didn’t want to take them. They are taking 9 GCSEs and in line for top grades. Much better regulated and is dealing with the trauma that primary school experiences caused.
I don’t know of specific schools in your area. We identified small ind schools who had a whole child ethos and had Frank convo with the head. They were prepared to take a chance and it has gone mostly well.

I don’t think you CAN simply focus on secondary: he’s going into year 5 – he’s got two more years in primary. He needs to be in the right environment. Have you spoken to his current school about how his EHCP would need to force a change in their attitude/approach? I think you need to be speaking to the school. No matter how ‘outstanding’ a school is, they may be of the opinion that they would rather have him gone then have to deal with him.

when we were first getting our sons EHCP – then called a statement of need – we visited local schools and spoke to the teacher that would be dealing with our child. Found out what their daily work looked like, took our son with us (although our son is non-verbal and has significant needs: but it was great to see how individuals interacted with him) and We really got a feel for one particular school. Its Ofsted rating isn’t always that great, but my goodness, it’s been an absolute lifesaver for us.

You can search for schools here. Don’t rely on the LA or the current school to give you complete, accurate information. At primary, the maximum recommended travel time is typically considered 45 mins, but some travel further.

You can’t just look at secondary schools because you will need to state your preferred primary placement for the EHCP.

I would look at all possibilities. Even within the same school type, placements vary. So there isn’t a standard pros and cons list that will apply to all. You could look at independent schools, both MS and SS.

If you are considering SS, you could look at Burlington House. Primarily an SpLD school. They don’t normally admit most DC with other primary needs, but they do occasionally, so it is worth asking. It will depend on how his ADHD and trauma present. You could also look at Odyssey House. Most have ASD, but not all. The latter is in Camden LA but could still be doable from where you are. Like many SS, both are a bit marmite schools. Some love them, some hate them.

Provision in EHCPs is based on the evidence. This is the support that will be provided (or if it isn’t, you will be able to enforce it) and the LA is ultimately responsible. Do you have the draft yet? It is vital sections B&F accurately represent DS’s needs, the provision he requires and the wording in F is detailed, specified and quantified.

they are now getting money and must facilitate the ECHP.

This won’t be the case yet. The EHCP obviously hasn’t been finalised, otherwise OP would have already had the chance to state her preferred placement. And the finalised EHCP would name the placement/type of placement. The provision in the EHCP doesn’t have to be provided until it is finalised.

Some questions I would ask schools you are considering. They may not all be relevant to DS’s needs - ignore if they aren’t.

Questions I would ask a mainstream school:
How many DC with EHCPs do they have on roll?
What support with transition do they offer for those with SEN?
Class sizes?
Do they have DC who have reasonable adjustments to the uniform policy? (This can be included in the EHCP but will give you an idea of how supportive they are.)
Do they have DC who can’t cope with the hustle and bustle of arriving/leaving school and have different arrangements for arriving at school (such as arriving 5/10 mins late via reception)/leaving (such as leaving 5 mins early)? (This is a reasonable adjustment and something that can be included in the EHCP, but you would be surprised how many schools are not supportive.)
What support do they provide other DC with similar needs? (Once finalised, the provision in DS’s EHCP must be provided, but the answer can help you ascertain how inclusive and proactive they are.)
How does the school reduce/prevent sensory overwhelm?
Do they have a quieter room/lunch club DC who are overwhelmed with the hall/playground can go?
Where do DC who are overwhelmed in a lesson go to?
Do they allow DC to use noise cancelling headphones/ear defenders? (This is a reasonable adjustment but you would be surprised how many are reluctant to allow it.)

If you are looking at a place in a resource base I would add in:
Number of students in the unit?
Ratio (and type) of staff in the unit? (Some rely on support staff to deliver teaching sessions.)
Do they have professionals on site or visiting? If visiting, how often do they visit and how many DC do they see?
What proportion of the week are DC expected to integrate into MS? Does this % change as DC move from Y5 to Y6? Is there any flexibility?
What lessons do DC typically have in the unit and what lessons do they attend MS lessons for? Is there ant flexibility in this?
Do pupils have the opportunity to mix with pupils from MS outside of lesson time, e.g. extra-curricular or lunchtime if they wish/are able?
Do they have a sensory room?
Do pupils in the RP start/finish at the same time as the pupils in the mainstream classes?
Where do the pupils move on to after Y6?

For SS add in:
How many pupils in a class?
How do they organise classes?
Ratio (and type) of staff in each class?
Ask about the curriculum they offer - some follow the full national curriculum, others don’t. And ask if there is any flexibility in that.
For ones who have a KS4 department, what qualifications do DC typically sit? Is there any flexibility in this?
Do they have professionals on site or visiting? If visiting, how often do they visit and how many DC do they see?
Do they embed interventions into the curriculum?
Do they have a sensory room?
How does the school reduce/prevent sensory overwhelm?
How do you manage dysregulated behaviour?
Where do the pupils move on to afterwards?
If it is wholly independent, what is the availability of places currently?
If an independent/NMSS, does your LA fund any pupils currently there? (An answer of no doesn’t mean it can be funded, but an answer of yes will however prevent the LA lying to you by saying ‘we don’t fund that school’.)
If wholly independent, if you have to appeal, how long would they hold the place for?

I know the current school will not get money until the EHCP is finalised! It wholly changes what a school will do though - in the future!

Outstanding never means outstanding send provision because there are too many variables. If, say, ta staff are now funded it changes things! Many schools won’t spend on send until they get extra money and ignore it’s been delegated to them for decades. They pretend they don’t have any funding - but they do.

Brilliant you know that. The ‘now’ in “they are now getting money and must facilitate the ECHP.” made it sound like you thought they were now getting money attached to the EHCP and the SEP must be provided now.

I would say your first issue is deciding how academic you need the school to be.
My experience of specialist SEN schools is that they are geared towards behaviour rather than GCSE’s.
Just like NT kids ND kids all present differently. Even in a small class it’s going to be a behaviour led setting. It’s also not unusual that students excel in certain areas. The issue is small classes don’t lend themselves well to streaming.

If you want academic s you might look at medication to support general concentration and try mainstream.
If you think he’d be happier not having the stress of a big school and more rules than go specialist SEN.

Also they do qualifications at college. Generally life calms down in year 12 and beyond. I know it seems a long way off but he’s got teen years to navigate as well as school so it might well get worse before it gets ( considerably) better.

@flawlessflipper Now as in when it’s finalised. Pedantic!

It is not pedantic to think a poster meant ‘now’ rather than ‘in the future’ when they said ‘now’. Especially when some parents incorrectly think the SEP in the EHCP must be provided as soon as a draft is issued.

I just want to say not that we have reviewed the draft F - your comment makes so much more sense. I had the opportunity to talk to the coordinator before anyone else joined the meeting. the consensus is that he doesn't need a specialist school but does need a fair amount of support. Miraculously he has been doing really well the first 3 weeks of school. But also he seems to have few friends - because things went so wrong last year. I feel like any decision is rolling the dice. :(

I finally have the draft EHCP and came back to your comment because now after talking through the supports he needs and seeing how he did in a small setting i see how he could do better in a smaller setting but he is really worried about change. any thoughts on how to go about finding an independent school? \

I would go and visit lots of schools, plan in hand, and see what they say. You need somewhere that will be pleased to have him and that will support him to thrive.

do you have a special parents forum? Round here that’s a source of lots of peer support. Also Sendias.

Hi @Pretendingsleepingtigerrrrr, I don’t have any advice to offer, but I’m in a similar situation and was hoping you might be willing to share the names or contact details of the educational psychologists you used. My little boy is very bright but has some behavioural challenges and gets support from the SENCO at school, so your post really resonated with me. I’d really appreciate any recommendations. Wishing you the best of luck. This whole process can feel overwhelming, and I hope things get better for both of you.

@Pash01 - I did not choose the EDs - they are provided by school. Senco should make a referral. Everything is through a referral but you have to push them - put it into writing. if they do not respond to you then go to SENDIASS. There may be a local one near you. You can also ask Citizens Advice and your GP for help. I had to make the rounds as my child and I left the UK and returned - so he started the school system abroad. However I will add - and this annoys a lot of people - but you must learn about the diagnosis and criteria yourself and advocate. There is in my view an obsession with getting a quick diagnosis which steers children onto a pathway. I'll give you an example. A pediatric neurologist said my son had some 'autitistic-like' behaviours which others glazed over and interpreted as 'he IS autistic'. There is a lot of overlap between conditions. And the reality that a lot of people do not want to hear is that it matters that your child gets the right diagnosis. Different neurodiversities need different treatment. If a child has trauma that causes autistic-like behaviours - treatment for autism may not help and may make behaviours worse. If a child is treated for austic-like behaviours but they're actually driven by ADHD - it's not helpful to have both diagnosis - it matters that you figure out what the actual CAUSE is. I write this because often when you challenge some diagnoses on sites like mumsnet there are people who will immediately suggest you are in denial or anti-whatever-diagnosis. In my case, it took years of advocating and now it is clear that the supports for ADHD and trauma are relieving the sytmptoms which were considered 'autistic-like'. I asked CAHMS last week if it still thinks he should be assessed for ASD - and they said the backlog for him would be a couple of years for an evaluation but ultimately everything is because of the ADHD and the trauma. And now he is flourishing at school!!! And his EHCP is almost finalised and the supports will make a huge difference. So happy to help anyone I can.

@Pretendingsleepingtigerrrrr
I live in the area and looking at schools that can be supportive to ADHD kids. Not specialist schools but mainstream. Curious to know what secondaries have you evaluated and what did you find?

Hi - he is in Y5. I haven’t figured out secondary yet. Great username!

Be careful with SENDIASS. Some are good but too many repeat the LA’s unlawful policies.

@Pash01 is it an independent EP for an EHCP appeal you are looking for?

@Pretendingsleepingtigerrrrr thank you for sharing your experience. It’s really helpful to hear from someone who’s been through it. I have a meeting with his SEN coordinator in a couple of weeks, so I’ll ask about referrals and next steps then.

Hi @flawlessflipper, I’m thinking about an independent EP because the waiting list is so long, but it’s expensive and my husband worries about having something on record; he doesn’t want our son to be labelled.

It’s great to hear he is flourishing now!