To feel so sad for DD struggling with school.

[Sulking]

DD just finished her first year of primary school; at the start of the academic year she absolutely LOVED school. She was so so so excited not just to make friends but she’s was really excited to learn too. However; it quickly became apparent that her attention span isn’t all that great.

She not naughty at school; but she lacks focus severely - They’ll sit and do their phonics and DD get distracted by absolutely anything around her. She gets distracted during tidy up time which then lands her in trouble for not tidying.

It became such an issue that it’s made her not enjoy going to school anymore; she’s told me she tries to be good and to listen but her brain doesn’t let her and she doesn’t know why. She said she doesn’t like going to school anymore because she is always being told off for not concentrating or listening.

towards the end of the term they were doing more 1-1 with her which helped a little bit; and they have a specific room where they take children with additional educational needs. We’ve queried whether she might have ADHD and the school in all fairness have been absolutely brilliant in not just brushing it off; we of course won’t be able to go for a diagnosis of any kind before she is 6-7 years old, but they’ve put provisions in place and have said that they will put whatever provision in place that are needed to help her, regardless of any diagnosis. Which has helped me and my worries.. but obviously DD doesn’t quite understand and just thinks she’s naughty.

I do see similar behaviour at home too, she’s very easily distracted, very all over the place. She can be so so helpful, so kind and she is well aware of how to behave. But I watch her sometimes while she doing a task I’ve asked her to do, like tidy up, or throw something in the bin.. and she’ll be in the middle of said task and something will catch her attention that just pulls her away. It can be literally anything.

if anyone’s seen the movie up; she literally remind me of Doug when he sees/hear a squirrel 🤣 like she’s just zapped away from whatever she was doing.

but anyway; there’s obviously a lot of posts up from groups I’m apart of, friends and mums from her class asking about how everyone first year has gone and reading so many posts about how the children are absolutely loving school and thriving has just made my heart sink a little bit as I’m desperate for her to enjoy it. I didn’t enjoy school as a kid and I promised I would do everything I possibly could to make sure my kids didn’t feel the way I did and I just feel like I’m failing her already just a year in.

How can I help her? I feel a bit lost I’m not even sure what advice I’m expecting.

She’s still very young and has plenty of time to mature.
At the moment is really important to boost her confidence, help her see her strengths.

Look into how screen time inhibits concentration / focus / attention

I would be looking at a holistic approach before going for diagnostic approach

diet / sleep / activity / minimal screen time, then see where you are as these are all factors in kids wellbeing and behaviors

We don’t really have much screen use to be fair, iPad use is few and far between, I’m talking every couple of months they’ll have a day of playing games or watching videos on it, but they’re not really that interested tbh so they’re usually put away for months before they’re asked for again. No TV’s in bedrooms except for ‘movies nights’ once in a while. TV downstairs is usually on for an hour or two in the morning, then off until after lunch then on again until dinner time; off until next day (except for us when they go to bed 🤣)

Theyre diet is pretty good; we’re not really frozen/beige eaters at all. I cook mostly everything we eat a lot of salmon and lean meat, fresh veg ect. They aren’t really fussy other than onions and mushrooms 🤣

Sleep is ok.. in a habit of waking up and getting into bed with us the last few months but I don’t mind as long as they go back to sleep and aren’t disturbing anyone sleep too much. Probably could improve with bedtimes to be honest I just struggle to get up and take them back to bed 🤣

This is what I’m trying to do; I’m trying to focus on the positive bits (she very good at maths and she loves working out numbers ect so we try and do a lot of that) also try to enforce that along as she’s doing her best that that’s enough. But the school are a bit more “you need to do better” which I think then confuses her and is what’s getting her down is she feels she isn’t as good as her classmates.

The thing is that if it’s ADHD she literally can’t ’do better’ - she needs accommodations to present info in a way she can cope with, in an environment that maximises her chances of being able to see it through.

She will still struggle to complete tasks, but she’ll have to fight less with her own brain to get there.

Couple of questions:

1. How is her attainment (at expected/working towards?)
2. How are your finances (do you have money for private)?
3. How is she doing socially?
4. Do you have faith in the school, from what you have seen and heard, to help, in the event she turns out to have significant ADHD?

This, She's still very young and dcs mature at different rates.

Stop worrying about what other children have done, they are irrelevant.

For now, focus on having a lovely relaxed summer. Another six weeks could change everything.

And how old is she? One of the younger in the class? My ds was like that for a while but he is August born and grew out of it gradually in year 1.

This is loads of TV.

I doubt that it's the root of your DD's struggles tbh, but if you think hours of TV a day is 'not much screen time', I think you're a bit misguided on this issue.

Is she watching an hour or two of TV every morning before school?! Surely, you know that this isn't ideal? Particularly, for a child struggling with concentration.

I have a six year old like this. Tbh I just think it’s her personality - she finds other people fascinating!

I have a six year old like this. Tbh I just think it’s her personality - she finds other people fascinating!

This is my 5 year old. It’s completely normal and age appropriate. However because of the shitty school system they’re made to feel like they are doing something wrong. This is why up until the age of 7 learning should be play based and self directed…but our government can’t see that and it takes a really good teacher to manage this.

I find she can concentrate on something she doesn’t want to do for a maximum of about 4 minutes, but that’s ok. You can get lots done in 4 minutes, and this can happen lots of times a day.

Sorry no, weekends and obviously now holidays. School days if they’re up early enough, dressed and have had breakfast they can watch about 10/15 minutes of tv before we need to leave.. I’d say it’s pretty 50/50 on whether they have time to tv on a school morning.

She was in the expected on all subjects; just the mention of lack of concentration in her report.

Finances are not great. We definitely wouldn’t be able to afford to go private anytime soon.

Socially she’s pretty good; their class is small and everyone seems to mingle with everyone. Haven’t heard of any real fallings out; we’ve only really had a case of “X Y and Z were playing mums and dads and I didn’t want to so I played with the boys today”, she can be a little bit shy sometimes, then others she’s super outgoing so I think socially she’s pretty good.

In regards to the tidying up thing how much does she doe at home? Does she put her toys away after use etc? If kids aren’t used to this because parents do it for them being told to do it in school means they are likely going to avoid it they know at home someone will do it for them.

Ie when she gets distracted do you pull her back to focus or just do the job for her? (It’s easier to do this sometimes) but I’m curious. I do think you’re focusing on her deficits rather than the positives because as long as she is happy and enjoying school surely that’s the main thing?

My daughter was like this but she learned to not let her lack of concentration phase her. She would say to the teacher “ oh I am sorry, I saw a squirrel, I am left handed so my brain is interested in random things”. The teacher told me off for teaching her this and I must admit I do use the excuse. But regardless of the cause of her lack of concentration she did learn to enjoy school. She did really well academically as she could pack a lot into a few minutes before moving on to a different topic. She is able to predict and manage change, deal with the unexpected, be kind and understanding; all these skills, which I think she gained through distraction, makes her very good on the work place, she has a successful high level job. Love and encourage her she sounds gorgeous. Try not to worry

My DD struggled since Nursery. Reception seemed to be pretty uneventful however was marred by lots of anxiety and resulted in a period of counselling. Year 1 something obviously changed as school requested we follow the right to choose pathway. They felt for autism, which could be a possibility however at home we see mostly ADHD symptoms so she is being assessed for both.

We recently received her report, she is bright as a button however was only achieving on all areas which I was very surprised at. I assumed school were just a bit stingey but having spoken to other parents many received exceeding. Its really made me sad and worried that whatever it is is holding her back academically in the classroom.

The good thing is, your daughters school sound like they're doing everything the can to help. If you suspect daughter is ADHD now might be a good time to visit the GP and discuss as the wait lists are so long she would likely be 6 before being seen anyway.

I don't think that TV alone would have led your DD to struggle with concentration, but hours of TV definitely doesn't aid concentration. I would try and massively reduce what they're watching over the holidays/on the weekend.

Shorter amounts of focussed time would be much better, for example one program in the morning and then maybe a movie after lunch. I'm not suggesting you go screen free, I appreciate this is very difficult for most people, but realistically six hours a day of television is far too much.

Between lunch and dinner is a good time to be outside getting some fresh air and exercise. This will help with both sleep and concentration (and general health).

If you have spare time before school I would turn the TV off and get outside, pop to the playground before school, walk a longer route or play in the garden. This is far more likely to help your DD concentrate than TV time.

I would keep an open mind on next steps, school sound great - and just continue to support her and celebrate her strengths and successes. My non ND son’s first target in reception was to sit still for 5 mins - he managed it 10 months later. His next target was to do 2 lines of number work, without losing concentration.

He also really struggled concentrating and being distracted all the time. In year 2 it clicked for him - he realised he had to do the boring stuff and he had to turn up everyday!!

I think it’s brilliant that you and school are on this. That you are encouraging and supportive. Your DD won’t be the only child finding it hard (you know how people exaggerate on social media). I hope you both have a lovely, fun summer holiday xx

We never had tv on until after dinner. In the day we did lots of activities some together and some alone such as drawing, colouring in, painting, play dough, craft, books, baking, jigsaws, board games, role play toys such as toy kitchen equipment, solls, soft toys. Charity shops are a great source. Then out of home - parks, nature walks, swimming, ball games, balance bike etc. Maybe not academic learning at home but learning through play could help her learn to focus. TV needs no mindful interaction for entertainment .

Sounds within the realms of normal really. I'd do some games like memo to help her practise her focus and we found that fish oils helped a bit

Ok, so no drastic action needed right now as she’s on track, and no point considering private for smaller classes/quiet.

I recommend three things:

1. Documenting issues with concentration or anything that seems out of the ordinary. The purpose here is to generate a log that you can refer back to and potentially use to evidence that there have been issues ‘ever since’ reception level. If she does need diagnosis this can be important.
2. Experimenting at home to identity how she best takes in information/isn’t as easily distracted. You can then supply helpful info to the school, which also seeing what works and what doesn’t.
3. Find a way to check her knowledge and skills at home - can she replicate what they do in school? Keep on top of it so you know where there are issues. My DD steadily fell behind, but it’s only become blinding obvious in year 3. We would not know how badly, except she has tutoring outside school that tracks progress against the curriculum clearly.

My DD has combined type ADHD and we found that while in reception she was ‘a bit much’ for the teacher but manageable. Real problems began to arise in Year 1 and have become progressively worse. The change in expectations from EYFS to ‘normal’ schooling (yr2/3 for us) was the real crunch point.

We were lucky in the school we have, but if it were a more traditional school like yours seems to be, we would have had more issues and I’d probably have tried to move to private by the end of year 1 to try and get the smaller classes and fewer distractions. At the same time that would probably have failed (with the benefit of hindsight) since her ADHD is now diagnosed as severe. But from your perspective - if yours is easily distractable you might want to look for alternative schools with even smaller classes or quieter environments (if available/applicable in your view).

So…all may be well. But get yourself prepared in case it’s not. It’s much easier to fill in the gaps as you go along, rather than trying to close a large gap (which is where we are at now).

I was going to say there's a big jump in EYFS to Year 1. As someone who has gone through CAHMS for a diagnosis (ASD rather than ADHD) I would get on the waiting list now. If she's 5 now, by the time you get assessed, she'll be 7-8. School will put reasonable adjustments in place whilst on the list.

Firstly, I want to tell you not to panic, OP. Your daughter is still so little and skills like sitting still and listening are learnt over time. Depending on her nursery setting, she may have had less practice of carpet time etc. and so needs a bit more time to catch up.

I’m not sure if it helps to know this but if you google average attention span by age, you can see roughly what is ‘expected’ but also remember your daughter is her own little person figuring the world out at her own speed. In terms of the summer, I would reduce screen time as much as possible and also stick to movies over short episodes. 7 min eps are so packed full of attention grabbing action, it’s hard to look away. Old school Disney and similar don’t jump around as much. I’d also practise activities together and see how she fairs with things she likes doing - art/sport/games. You could also try movement breaks (10 star jumps every 5 mins) to see if this extends her concentration span. It may also be worth checking hearing and eyesight as some kids bore easily if they can’t fully access the teaching.

Please don’t panic though - she’s so little, school are supportive and there’s time to resolve whatever is going on.

Sounds very like ADHD to me.