Playground politics

[ThisDearWriter]

Does any other parent feel when taking your child for morning drop off and pick ups are just vile with the behaviours of other parents and the cliques. It’s like being back at senior school with groups of women predominantly staring and judging others ……… please all views welcome

Yes, some women will continue to reside at the emotional age they were in their teens, and this is evident when they judge others, form cliques, socially engineer their children's lives, which in turn perpetuates this behavior in the next generation.

All you can do is accurately view them for who they are . . . small people, with small lives, who are at the core of their person, very, very insecure.

Gravitate to those mums and their children that are like yourself . . . welcoming to all . . . non-judgmental . . . etc. Avoid gossip not only for yourself, but primarily because you do NOT want to model that behavior for your children. Don't point out these mums' or children's behavior or flaws to your own children as that gives it oxygen.

It is good that you can readily "read" people like this, so just navigate to those better people and children and help your child find those solid, good friends early.

I used to welcome my mid shift so I didn’t have to drop off and pick up for this reason. Absolutely hated the playground politics and couldn’t wait for secondary school so I didn’t have to see anyone.

I used to park the car (in a car park I might add) and wait down the road for ds2. Had nothing to say to bores at the school gates

Honestly no, not my experience. My son is only in reception but everyone seems pleasant at the school gates. There are a few mums who are friends through their older children but are welcoming to newcomers. Some parents stand on their own and are not very social, that's fine too.

What exactly are they doing that is so vile?

Nope not my experience at all.

What do you mean by cliques? Do you mean friendship groups? It’s fine for women to be friends with people and not extend that to everyone just because they have children in the same school.

Just chat to people you like, just because other people know each other doesn’t make politics.

Are they actually staring and judging OP, because it sounds like you’re the one doing that.

I’m one of the ones that are friendly to all, I have random parents/ grandparents come up and speak to me and I’m not bothered by it whether people speak to me or not but I sit or stand and observe others and certain groups literally watch a mother walk past them lower their voices and then start laughing and looking at them. I just find it so so mean it’s obvious. Ive walked past them and have heard them say certain things for example “what a mess” “did you see what she was wearing” so on and so on they get pretty brutal. They have done the look up and down at me and I just smile and they look else where so it’s nothing personal to me I’ve just noticed it and wonder why adults still behave that way.

That's not playground politics though, it's a small bunch of people being twats.

They're almost certainly the same at work, on a night out & to each other behind their backs.

It’s one of many forms of playground politics unfortunately, each school has them and there will be several different groups who portray this behaviour.

well that’s pleasant of you. This is just a discussion about it. And what I have personal witnessed several groups of mothers do. It wasn’t anything actually personal to me. I find it vile behaviour to judge people based on how they look or by how their child behaves. Hope that clears it up for you.

Examples of Playground Politics:
Feeling intimidated or excluded by other parents at drop-off or pick-up.
Observing cliques form and feeling like an outsider.
Being pressured to participate in fundraising or social events.
Witnessing or experiencing gossip or negative comments about other parents.
Feeling judged for parenting choices or lifestyle.
Experiencing competitive behavior related to children's achievements or activities
That’s just some examples of playground politics.

Absolutely agree. And the behaviour of the children mirrors that of these types of parents. DD1 class had a bunch of really cliquey mums who would just turn their back or close the circle when chatting to other mums at the school gate I was clearly not with the in crowd. Loads of really nasty little kids in that class - their poor teacher...

DD2s classes parents could not have been more welcoming and friendly and guess what? Lovely kind and friendly bunch of kids that all the teachers would fight to get the next year up!

There's something about a school environment that makes adults revert to acting like children. I've notice this when some parents talk about teachers and the school. They revert to an adversarial position.

It doesn't surprise me if they are childish with other parents too.

My only question is whether these people have just never grown up and are perpetual children or if it is something special about the school environment that brings out the childishness.

It is playground politics when that behavior is modeled by their children, and I would wager that in most cases it is.