9 year old HATES school, is this normal?

[Chasingthewind11]

My son is really hating school. He doesn’t have loads of friends but I don’t think it’s the social aspect he struggles with. He just finds the lessons SO boring. And they are, they are so dull with no scope for creativity. The school is ‘good’ and gets results. He’s bright, says the work isn’t too easy or too hard just boring. I’ve talked to the teacher but nothing has changed. I’m considering homeschooling as I hate sending him in so unhappy. Is it normal for kids to hate school?

My 9 year old hates it too. Some do some dont, it's a necessity of life and I would really look into home schooling carefully if you are seriously considering it. Lots of pros and cons. I do think theses kids who are homeschooling find it harder to find back into a life where they' have' to do things as they're not use to this.

No. Not normal but dc aren’t all the same. They get boring teachers and occasionally they get a great one. School is only 5 hours a day. It’s hardly that bad. Let him be not bored after school. What’s the teacher like next year? Does he get no fun at school? My DC always found some other dc funny and others worth knowing. What about summer fun things like sport and trips? There must be something he likes?

He’s not going to get bells and whistles in education. Would you home ed at secondary level?

How much time does he spend gaming? No teacher can be anything but boring if that’s the comparison.

How do you kn ow the lessons are boring op? Do you go to school with him? Lots of chn moan bout school and say everything is boring. I wouldn’t give it so much attention.

Does he find ALL of the lessons boring?

Plus this wouldn’t be a ‘good’ school if the lessons were so bad. There is a national curriculum to follow.

Following with interest as my year 4 boy is the same. I've also spoken to the teacher (who is really nice) but obviously she has to teach the curriculum that's set and doesn't really have any other suggestions. My child is quite bright, I think, and he just finds the work repetitive and boring. Coupled with some friendship issues this year that have really made life difficult for him. Next year's teacher is well known across the school & parents for being excessively shouty & strict so that doesn't bode all that well either. I'm in two minds about looking at other schools as he's become so down about school this year. But the issues might be the same everywhere (can't afford private schooling) and at least this school is a short walk from home! And obviously we can't expect they kids be 100% thrilled and entertained all the time either.

Disliking school = not uncommon or worrying
Preferring other things to school = entirely normal
Hating school = would raise questions

But then children often use "hate" for things they just dislike, so you'd have to properly see.

Jumping to homeschooling is a bit rash, I would try and investigate first, and certainly consider another school (if you live near more and it is possible to change.. I'm not in the UK, so I don't know how easy that is) before considering home schooling.

For me I'd consider whether he is just a bit advanced for his age, and the nature of teaching isn't fulfilling him - in which case, I would encourage him to find ways of dealing with 'boring classes', whilst then giving him more challenging/stimulating things outside of school to do. Or is it that he can't concentrate or cope with quiet/focused tasks, and they are "boring" in comparison with excited playing, video games, toys, etc. In which case, he needs help and encouragement to develop his ability to be calm and differentiate between playing time and learning time.

Or maybe it is neither, and he just has a boring teacher...

Mumsnet hates home educating but just wanted to give a vote for it if you’re considering it 😊

I'd check that 'boring' doesnt equal being bullied. My daughter hated school and it took us ages to cotton on that in fact she was being bullied. Some don't like to admit it. Kids can be bloody horrible.

@SkatusBoardus A poor teacher will say that to you for an easy life. If you speak to a good teacher, they will recognise that some dc are far more able than others. This means they have to think about the extension work they can give to explore the curriculum in depth. I’m in a grammar county and there are some pretty bright dc around. My DDs primary friend went to Cambridge to study maths. One of younger DDs friends went to Imperial College. These dc were not bored at primary school because teachers could extend their learning.

Any parent of a bright dc should not be fobbed off by a teacher saying the NC restricts them. It’s frankly lazy. The maths or literacy subject leader should be on top of this too. What are they doing to advise and help with extension work?

Thank you for this helpful post. Perhaps I need to be more pushy. It is mostly in maths where the issues are. English he also finds boring but I think that's more the SPAG that I guess can't be avoided? And when they do extended writing it seems extremely prescriptive. Presumably so they can explicitly demonstrate particular events if learning? I don't know

Not all schools are like this. I moved my primary kids (year 3 and 5) from a school they cried about, bored stiff, sat at desks all day long, stressed teachers, no fun - as well as left over stress from lockdowns, bubbles/spacing etc which wasn’t the schools fault.
I moved them to a village school where they learn outside on nice weather, they have a swimming pool, they are really active in their learning - cooking and tasting foods from around the world, lots of activities and trips, not costly ones just getting the kids up and learning and involved in their community, big on music and sports. Kind, caring and enthusiastic staff. It literally changed my kids lives, DD is year 8 now and DS is finishing year 6 but there hasn’t been a day in the primary school they haven’t wanted to go, their confidence is high - ones academic, ones sporty and musical and both were valued for their own strengths. I think teachers who are not overwhelmed can make all the difference.

@SkatusBoardus Yes, they will need to cover the curriculum but with maths in particular, there’s many ways for dc to learn to greater depth. One way that actually helps is for dc to explain to others the method. The most able dc should also be grouped so the teacher can give the extension work to those who need it and work quickly. When I was a governor our school adopted a system where dc did “hard, harder, hardest and Herculean” work. Herculean was set with help from maths subject leader. So I would ask what the school is going to do to extend his depth of learning.

Yes I’m sure the grammar is boring. Written work tends to practice it which isn’t the most expressive either but he should be extending his vocabulary. Get loads of books from the library to supplement reading. This really helps braided out reading material, vocabulary and spelling.

Most dc don’t like shouty teachers! My DDs avoided the notorious one at school. Some dc didn’t mind her as apparently she was fair! A good teacher as it turned out. So maybe see what the quality of teaching is like?

Does the school give you termly subject overviews? Do they have subject meetings for parents? A good school should.

Thanks for your replies everyone.@okydokethenYes that’s what I’m looking for in a school! School doesn’t have to be deathly dull. He’s come from a very creative London school which was fabulous so he has a direct comparison.
Thanks @faffadoodledo I did think this and there is an unkind boy in the class. Teacher has talked to the boy and no more unkindness according to my son.
@SkatusBoardus Yes your son sounds a lot like mine. It’s horrible when they hate going to school.
@greengreyblue I know because a good friend is a teacher there and she’s told me exactly how they teach, all slides, teachers all have to follow same lesson plans, no room for creativity or learning beyond desks
@stargirl1701 good point! He loves gaming but he only gets 2 hours a week, 1 or Saturday, 1 on Sunday.
He likes PE and computing, he’d enjoy anything where he wasn’t just sitting in his seat. They’ve had no trips this year either. I just think of an adult hated their job they’d leave and find something better. So why should a child have to endure a place they hate everyday for years…?

What extension learning are they doing in lessons for the more able students? I have a bright year 4, who loves school,
but they are covering the national curriculum basics in a certain way and seem to do a great variety of activity.

Trips have been more limited this year, almost all of them to places they could get to on foot or with parents giving lifts as the cost of hiring a coach is so high now.
But that’s still a trip every half term, just only one has involved a coach.

So some of the problem will be the school budget. If it’s located somewhere that makes a coach almost an essential for a trip then that’ll make it a lot harder.

@Chasingthewind11yes they teach to a lesson plan but that does not mean no extension work! They should not all do the same level of work!

It’s an academy then!