Important decision girls or co-Ed?

[Hannah15890]

Choosing a school for my 3.5-year-old daughter has been more emotional than I expected. We’ve applied to Glendower, Falkner House, Chepstow House, Pembridge Hall, and Thomas’s Kensington.

While Glendower and Falkner are strong academically, I’m not sure they suit her personality—she’s imaginative and independent. Chepstow feels more relaxed and joyful, and the families seem genuinely warm. Pembridge offers a more balanced all-girls option, while Thomas’s is creative and co-ed, with a community I already know.

My daughter keeps saying she wants to go to a “girls-only” school, but I’m not sure how seriously to take that at this age.

At the end of the day, I want her to feel happy, confident, and understood—not just academically pushed. It’s not about the “best” school, but the right one for her.

what would be the best choice for her ?

Sounds like Thomas's. I strongly feel that it's important for learning to be as play bases as possible though and for children to learn how to interact with boys and girls.

So many very young children seem to naturally prefer their own gender because most young child see their own personal experience as 'the best'.

"Girls are better than boys", because they are a girl. "Five is better than four", because they themselves are now 5 etc. Their own name is the best name, their dress is nicer than everyone else's etc. I really wouldn't read too much into that. She is three.

You pick whatever school you personally believe is best for her. If that is co-ed, she'll be absolutely fine. In fact, it will probably do her good to mix with boys as well as girls if she's already of the mindset that girls are better.

I’m was in a similar situation (daughter is 4) but ended up going with an All Girls which she starts in Sep. The decision was based on where I thought she would be happiest and the feeling I got from the school. We visited 2 co-Ed’s too but we felt the girls school provided a much warmer and nurturing environment which is what we feel she needs at this age. We will manage her interaction with boys through summer camps and other clubs e.g. tennis, mandarin.
She often complains to us about the naughty boys in her nursery who are rude to her so I think she would prefer an all girls school but I need think how girls only will affect her socially long term.

DH and I agreed we will ask her at 6 and again at 10 if she wants to switch to co-ed and if so she can always move. Thankfully there is an equally good co-ed close by.

Yes I see that because we have a lot of friends who have their kids there however is less academic than the rest of the schools we applied so we will have to push a bit at home

Oh yes I guess this is a huge topic for parents co Ed or single sex … I think girls only can become clicky and competitive on superficial matters …

Do you have a spot at all the non selective ones and when do you need to make the decision by (as Falkner and Glendower has 4+ so you won’t know until Jan anyway…)

Hi there , I am aware however I have excluded them from my list.. hence I am looking at the other once which require deposit this term. So I have shortlisted Thomas’s and Pemridge Hall :)

@Hannah15890

I think you are jumping the gun a little. Glendower, Faulkner H and Thomas’s - have assessments. Chepstow and Pembridge don’t - do you have a confirmed place though?
It’s pointless to be worrying about a choice you may not even have.

Generally - I’d think ahead to secondary. Which probably seems really far away for you, but will be here before you know it. Most of the secondary options in this part of London are selective girls-only secondaries, bar Latymer. Getting to a good secondary will be much easier from more ‘academic’ preps. Doing the 11+ prep at home is not easy.
Thomas’s has always had a reputation pf a ‘happy’ school and not too academic. 11+ time will be stressful.

Personally - I’ll see what offers you do have next year and make a decision then. You’ll see more of the schools once you start doing those assessments - and your DD would be a bit older too.

@MMmomDD my daughter has a place at Pembridge hall and Chepstow house, Thomas’s main list and Falkner and Glendower will not fit her personality she has an assessment next year but we have decided that we will not attend ..
11+ and where she will go next will be very important in the process however all schools have good results… I will not pressure her for SPG .. I believe Pembridge is great for girls and Thomas’s is great for co - Ed also they both now have secondary schools ..
my main concern is Co-Ed or Girls school for primary education..

@Hannah15890
Being on the Main list for Thomas’ does not mean you have a place. Isn’t it a ballot now? With 1:3 chance of being picked?

In this area Glendower and Falkner have these scary reputations, and this is not always justified. All schools do not really have good results - and the pressure of tutoring for 11+ at both Pembridge and Thomas’ is intense, to get some of those results.
Equally SPGS is not as scary as people make it out to be - and works creative and bright kids as well.

Your DD is just starting her education journey. Why close doors and not let het be assessed by the top primaries?

There are plenty of imaginative and independent girls in those schools. Also - creative and strong willed. What unites them is that they are curious and eager to learn.

Why narrow the choices before you make them? 4+ are not stressful for the kids -
they are play based.

@MMmomDD I wanted to share a quick update—there are currently quite a few openings across schools, particularly in West London, due to families relocating outside the city. Many schools are advertising places from Years 1–6, and some have even started closing down classes.

Although I do have friends with children at Falkner House, I’m hesitant to place my daughter in such a small environment. I’d prefer a school that offers a broader range of experiences and peer interaction.

As for tutoring and exam preparation, I feel comfortable with our approach. My husband attended highly academic schools without the need for additional support, and I went to a reasonably academic school with some tutoring. Ultimately, I believe academic performance depends heavily on the child and the level of parental involvement, so I’m not particularly concerned about the assessment process. I sometimes feel that the fear surrounding it is overstated.

That said, we are at a decision point. The girls’ school we’re considering requires a deposit now, whereas the co-ed school won’t confirm availability until September. That’s why I’ve been seeking advice—to ensure we make the most informed and balanced decision for our daughter.

@Hannah15890
Ah, ok. Forgot they are still doing it with the deposits.

Well, you don’t really have a choice, in a way. Will you give a certain place at P now for a 1/3 chance of having a place at T? Given that you don't want to look at other options?

In the end of the day, she’ll be Ok in either of the two. This choice, that seems so life defining at 4yo is not really. And there are a lot of movements and re-adjustments along the way. Getting a 4+ place has always been the most difficult - with in year places popping up.

Personally, i’ll go with all girls anyway - because at 4 there is a massive difference between how boys and girls learn; and how school should teach them. Mixed school at such early age can’t do it well for both - so academics do suffer.
(and I say this despite it being a strange concept to me. But starting formal education at 6-7yo is different. Mixed works better then)

There is a fair amount of mobility after the first few years - you can always go co-ed - and go to Latymer. Or even Thomas’. Or - if she
turns out really academic - try for Bute.

@Hannah15890

I’d also add that I agree family involvement is one of the important influencing factors in your child’s performance. It helps teach them the value of learning. Intrinsics (IQ) also matter, obviously. But school does play a role.

11+ (or GSCEs, or A-levels) is not something to be apprehensive about. But those are milestones that require systematic preparations - and schools do play a massive role in those - parental involvement is of lesser importance as your child gets older. By the end of secondary - it’s really up to the kid
and the school.

My girls did three years in a mixed environment and then moved to all girls and never looked back. They are leaving at 18 as confident young women. All girls gives them a chance to blossom into their confidence without having to put up with routine sexism in the classroom. It also protects them from the sexual harassment that seems quite pervasive in mixed schools. There are fewer discipline issues and calmer classroom environments. Because there are more girls you get groups of different kinds of girls (sporty, techie,cutsie) so girls are more likely to find their tribe. Subjects like maths and physics are girl dominated in a girls school. Mine did the Lego robotics challenge in primary and commented that at the competition there were girls in the other teams but the boys wouldn’t let them do any programming.
girls only doesn’t protect you from general bullying, friendship issues and so on but every school environment has those.
the only reason that I’m glad we did the first years in coed is that we all understood the ups and downs of a mixed environment before we made the move. School was not all perfect- never is- but the all girls aspect was absolutely the right thing to do for us.

I don’t understand why you have ruled out Falkner/Glendower, unless by “independent” you mean finds structure a lot more difficult than the average for her age. I don’t know Glendower very well, but the opportunities at Falkner are incredible for my creative, independent girls. It’s an immensely kind and warm place. It IS orderly and structured but we find that to be very positive. It’s calm and behaviour is good (rather than it seeming “strict” per se).

On the academic side I would not say Pembridge is more academic than Thomas (on the contrary if you look at the results from last year, thomas did really well). I don’t think Thomas impairs her chances in any way. In glendower KP etc it is a cohort of 7-10 girls (25%) that drove the top results.

We had the same debate though on single gender, and we chose thomas for our daughter an are very happy with the choice. I spoke to a lot of mums that went to girls on lot schools (not just with parents). In the end we did not want to create an even narrower view of the world (they are already in a bit of central London bubble), and wanted her to be able to function socially not only academically in a mixed environment. Our world is polarised enough, so didn’t want to add more segregation. We’ve not had issues with “nasty boys” quite the opposite (in fact, the few instances when someone said something “not nice”, it came from a girl). Our daughter has moments when she’s a girly girl and others when she prefers playing with boys now, they really change and evolve; what I have found is that The values and atmosphere of the school are important in how the children behave in school and the vibe in their class at Thomas Kensington is wonderful, including the dynamic between boys and girls.

btw most recent evidence around girls only school does not support the hypothesis that they lead to better academic outcomes when corrected for factors like socioeconomic background for ex. In fact, the evidence points to an increase in anxiety/ mental health in single gender schools for girls.

uK is the only country in Europe with a gender divide in its education which is mainly a cultural overhang. Would expect that in 20 years there will be much fewer of them around.

Can I ask which school did you end up choosing? Would be grateful for your insights as we’re currently facing a similar predicament.

We went for Thomas Kensington and are very happy

I was wondering if you had any recent insight on Pembridge Hall. We’re seriously considering it as a fallback if DD doesn’t receive any offers from the usual 4+ assessment schools. How does Pembridge Hall compare with Falkner House and Glendower? I’ve seen older threads but would really appreciate any up-to-date intel/experiences.

I think it’s ok but very different to Glendower and Falkner. We had an offer from Glendower and it didn’t feel right: it’s very good but old school / traditional, a bit arrogant, clicky, pushy, we didn’t feel a nice atmosphere and our daughter has a couple former nursery classmates that started there and don’t love it, so they consider changing. Falkner is very good but also old school, very much “their way”, small classes and building , little outside space. Pembridge is bigger, a bit more modern, non selective so you get a mix,