Strange class allocation for reception

[BlueberryPancakes17]

My DD is currently in the preschool class attached to the school she’ll be starting Reception at in September. She has two close buddies in her current class, and she previously attended a different nursery, where she had three more good friends. There’s also another child from her old nursery in her current preschool class.

The school has two Reception classes, and we’ve just found out that all the children from her old nursery have been placed together in one class — including her two current buddies and the other child from that nursery. My DD has been placed in the other Reception class, without any of them.

My DH is a teacher, so I totally get that class allocations are complicated and a lot of thought usually goes into them. But honestly — this just feels odd. They’ve grouped all the children from one nursery together (including the ones currently in the school’s own preschool), and then placed my daughter on her own in the other class.

I know kids make new friends and it’s a long journey ahead, but it feels a bit like they’ve put all her familiar faces in one class and then separated her. I’m trying not to overreact but I can’t help feeling disappointed on her behalf.

What would you think/do? Has anyone been in a similar situation before?

I had a similar situation with my ds2, who was put into a separate class from his friends at preschool. I did raise it with the school but it turned out preschool had given them the wrong names of children that he played with - sigh. It was frustrating but I made light of it with ds2 and explained that there was a lot of mixing in the reception classes (which is true) so he would still see his friends from the other class a lot. As it happened he made new friends and has an even wider circle of friends now (currently in y2) which is really good for him. So I think it turned out to be a good thing in the end, even though I was worried at the time.

That’s really good to know @cadburyeggthanks. Yes, I think I was sad about it and thinking of the trickiness of navigating that with my DD who w outlet feel really confused. I feel a bit more ok with it in my gut now. Just wondering whether to pursue it more but I don’t think there’s much to be done tbh. Maybe it’s a good opportunity for an even wider circle of friends as you say

I would absolutely speak to the school. Why would they do this which is upsetting for the child to not have a familiar face to ease settling in. In my dc school they could put down 2 friends name and made sure that they placed at least one friend in the new class. This was in y3 too I think.

Thanks @TiredMameWe emailed on Tuesday evening after the class allocation to ask what the thinking behind the decision was and was there any flexibility. Yes they didn’t do this with the forms and making sure they had some links, which feels bonkers. But they knew who her mates were from her being in pre school. It feels like a bit of a mess which doesn’t give me great confidence going forward

I would ask if there's a reason for it or if it's random.

Only because when my DD4 started he had what seemed like an odd allocation and it turned out there was a perfectly logical reason for it (DD's allocated teacher was the auntie of twins in the other class)

I wonder why she wasn't placed in the same class if it was all the children who had been to that nursery. Ask the reason but don't worry about it, at this age they make friends so easily so she will have brand new friends plus still have her old friends in the playground.

I know with DS's school they allocated the children in the two classes so that all the children who get school taxi transport are in the same class and all the children who don't go to RE lessons and instead get a secular version are in the same class. Because it makes things easier logistically. So I'm sure they have some kind of reasoning for class allocation and it'll make sense if you ask.

Oh, that's a shame. At DD's school, they only finalise the reception classes after the first three weeks and they try to make sure that close friends aren't split up.

That said, back in my day, the class allocations were by address! So my best friend in playschool and I ended up in different classes. We both made new friends.

They did this with my DS friend in reception. She was the only one out of like 25ish that went into the other class. There has been alot of movement over the last 3 years between the classes so I wouldn't worry too much.
Reception they mixed alot for classes and free play as well

We had this, checked and the school said they wanted my son to make different friends as they were worried he was too attached to the same two people. I was very angry initially as it felt quite cruel but he’s loved this year and made lots of new friends so I think it was for the best.

I wouldn't worry too much as the very quickly make other friends and as others have said the classes are likely to mix alot, they certainly did in my sons school

I'm guessing the school haven't thought much about her old friends from her previous nursery. They have probably put a group of them together based on that nursery's feedback. Then they have looked at their current nursery children and worked out how to divide them up. There may be another child they have 'paired' her with who you know less.

When DS started Reception he wasn't with any of the 6 siblings we knew (3 form school). He also wasn't with the boys he had played with most at school nursery. He was with a girl who he had briefly decided was his good friend and then moved on from. He was fine and made lots of good friends. I know the school tries to balance friendships but also a balance of boy/girl, older/younger, SEN etc.

I understand why you feel confused and upset for your daughter. When they're split from close friends it can feel like they have "nobody they know" or "nobody they like" in the other class. This is highly unlikely to true though. If there's lots from the current pre-school and old nursery going there will be children she knows, even if they're not current best friends (a change can often be a good thing for children). Some children start school not knowing anyone and yet most will make new friends very quickly.

Most Reception units spend lots of time together too, in provision, so she'll still see the other children.

My advice is to not make a big thing of it. Keep biggging up school as an exciting new adventure. Don't let her pick up on your own anxieties or negativities about friendships and she'll be absolutely fine. She's already transferred from one nursery to her current pre-school and she made friends that time so why would it be an issue this time?

There will definitely be reasons for the class lists. Don't be that parent who questions it as it's done now and is unlikely to be an easy swap.

My dc's infant they used to list the girls by birthdays and the boys by birthdays and just go down the list in turn.

A lot of the kids came from 2 preschools and I think it was 2 years above dd, they had all the children except one from one preschool in one class and the opposite in the other class.
One of the parents of the odd ones said it was the best thing ever for her dd, and the other said it was the worst thing.

At our sons school all the children who didn’t attend the attached pre school were in one class with an NQT and the very experienced teacher got the children the school were already familiar with.
This is the same set up for our younger son who starts in September.
The classroom set up is open plan though and the children can have activities across the shared spaces.
Children are really resilient and will be fine if you don’t show your nerves.
Wishing your daughter a wonderful school start in September.

Thank you so much to all who have responded. It’s definitely given me food for thought and comfort that it will hopefully all work out for the better. Still angry at the decision but that’s not really useful. Thanks all

I was frustrated because one of the main reasons I chose to send ds2 to the preschool was so he would meet children that he’d go up with, but even between now and September there will be movement in the schools as people move in and out of the area. Their friendships change so much at this age.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking if there’s any flexibility and to explain your concern. In our case there wasn’t any flexibility but there’s no harm in asking.

In some schools, they review the class allocations each summer and mix up any year groups they feel would benefit from it. Last summer, in our school, they chose to reshuffle two year groups out of the seven. So, any class allocations may not be permanent.

I personally think it's cruel.
If they were mixing the class group up then fine but for your child to be the only one moved to a group class she's never been with is unfair and nasty.
I don't think I could trust a school which singled out my child that way.
I would ask them to reconsider and if not I would want to know why.

Really?

Children are resilient and make friends easily. The adults involved are more likely to be worried than the child.

It isn't cruel, it is just a system in society, just as school is, where we all have to work together, including sometimes accepting the decisions of others and sometimes having to compromise.

I wonder if for parents this feels a shock because primary school, for some, is the first experience of decisions being in someone elses hands.

It might be a blessing. My daughter is in a one form intake class and has been upset at times that a boy she was close with a nursery now has new friends and doesn't always want to play with her as he has other friends. but we went to nursery together has been said quite a few times by her. She's coming to the end of reception now and none of her close friends were at her nursery. There's no guarantee that the friendship will transfer from nursery/preschool into school.

Was going to say why not ask and find out it’s not this reason. I say that as honestly in my DD’s school the same nursery kids were put in one class and honestly it became disruptive for the others and it led to cliques (led by the mums of course) forming. School split them up in y1 but one child STILL (and we’re a few years down now) cannot be without her bestie. Others moved on and found new friends, kids change as they grow.

I think a lot of thought goes into these decisions so I wouldn’t worry too much. At DCs’ school, we were told that they do not want to put children together whose parents requested them to be, as they noticed there can be friendship issues and problems later on.

Children will take their cues from us. I know you don’t think it’s ideal, but try and stay positive and encouraging to your child. My son was not in the same class as his (only) friend from preschool, but both children quickly made new friends.