Punished at school, do I punish too at home?

[figsandapples]

Just that really. If your primary aged child has been in trouble at school and got punished, (play time taken away) and the school has informed you, do you also punish them at home for the same issue?
So as to not drip feed, he hit another child. It’s an isolated incident, he’s not been in a fight or aggressive towards others before. I know he struggles to manage his emotions sometimes and has thrown things in anger in the past. He has no sen.

Depends how old tbh and what the punishment was.

Nah I’d leave it as being dealt with at school so doesnt need the second punishment.

No I wouldn't punish the child again but I would be speaking with them as that's totally unacceptable behaviour.

Seeing as it was to do with violence then I probably would punish at home to an extent also.

They need to know that if anyone ever hits someone they could be arrested or even put in jail. So taking away a couple of privileges for a few days at least. Until he seems like he fully understands it's totally out of order.

I wouldn't necessarily punish them but we'd certainly be having a conversation about it. If DC is 10 they could be reported to the police.

i never did. Punishment was done and dealt with at school, it ends there.

What i did was find a moment at home to sit and have an age appropriate conversation about what happened, why they did what they did, how i feel about it, and what my expectations for their behaviour are, and how they should approach that situation in the future.

Then i would give them a hug and carry on as normal.

What age is DS? I think it’s different depending on if they’re 6 or 12.

For most things, no. For violence, yes, there would be additional punishment.

No I wouldn't punish twice. We would have a chat about the behaviour, why they did it, what they'll do if the find themselves in that situation again, why it was wrong, how other people feel. But no more punishments.

I wouldn't punish per se but constant reminders about kind hands etc and saying you are disappointed would be enough. If it becomes regular then ask the school for strategies. Find out what his trigger was and work on that.
Dgs1 had a spell at nursery of hitting. His parents and I reinforced about not hitting.

No, I wouldn't, but I would find out from him what happened and why he did it, making it quite clear it was totally unacceptable to use violence. He's been punished so I'd probably then give him a hug!

I'd talk through what he could have done instead maybe. I'd definitely want to know why he did it.

How old?
If my 4YO did this we’d have a chat about it, what he could have done differently such as moving away if someone is in your space, telling a teacher if someone is snatching or saying unkind things etc. then we’d leave it there as the loss of playtime at school was an appropriate punishment. If my 8YO hit someone I’d be much more cross about it and she’d lose screen time privileges. At age 10 it could be a police matter.

I wouldn’t punish twice if this is first time it’s happened. I would just have a chat with them and a hug

Thank you all for your responses. Apologies I had gone back to work so really late coming back to the post. To those who are asking, he is 8 years old

I wouldn’t punish as he’s already been punished. I’d be more constructive and ask him to describe calm strategies he could use when feeling annoyed. You’ll need him to break down the occurrence step by step from the start. Walking away and telling an adult is ideal, then letting you know if he doesn’t feel listened to.

No. He's been punished already. But I would have a conversation with him about it.

No. Twice is unreasonable.

I’d talk to him but if the school have set appropriate punishment then I wouldn’t but the talk would include what will happen in terms of punishment should he repeat offend

In those circumstances I don't think a repeat punishment is necessary, as it's been dealt with in school, but I would definitely speak to him about it in terms of what he should have done (used words to resolve the problem, talked to a grown up) to try and help him learn what to do if ever he gets angry like that again.

Rather than you punishing in addition to school, he needs to be given the skills/tools to deal with the anger. He needs to know you're disappointed to hear about what happened, and that you support the school, but you want to help him learn from it to avoid making the same mistake again.

If it did become a repeated incident, I would consider a home punishment (maybe a technology ban, missed treat etc, whatever you see fit) to help him understand the behaviour is unacceptable and won't be tolerated. As a one off though I'd leave it as a follow up conversation for now.

I would ask him to explain what happened, identify what went wrong and then you can both discuss strategies for dealing with challenges another time.
That shows him you’re supporting the school but not punishing him twice.

I wouldn't punish but I'd debrief with them to try and pick up anything that might have triggered ot and if it was persistent explain what the consequences at school might be.

I guess the general consensus is not to punish twice. We’ve had a chat and he seemed sorry for the behaviour. He also wrote an apology letter so hopefully it’s sunk in. Thanks all for your advice. I really do appreciate it

That's a very positive outcome.

Thank you. I think so too.