Is it bullying or just 'normal' and what do I do?

[mammone]

My lovely son started school in January and will be 5 in the summer.He is very shy with a number of special needs and finds new situations and people difficult to adapt to so we were happy when he made a friend in his class with whom he has had a number of play dates.
In the last few weeks however another boy has come on the scene and after initially playing with both of them has started (as far as I can tell)to exclude him from sitting with them at lunch by saying there's no room. He's also started to initiate lots of chasing games which involves them running away from my son and last but not least- and I've seen this for myself at pick up and drop off times-he says my son is not good at doing certain things or shouts,'You're left out.'His mum, who seems a very nice person,doesn't say anything to him about this even tho'she's there when it happens.
Am I being over- sensitive about this even tho' my son is getting upset that his friend doesn't play so much any more?
I can't just tell him to go and play with someone else because he's too shy to do this and doesn't really know how to join another group.Also, I really like his first little friend and they got on just great.This has all started recently so I don't know if I should just support him but wait and see what happens or try to nip this in the bud and if so ,how?
It really upsets me that he says he feels sad-he has enough problems to contend with as it is.
I would really appreciate some advice.

Exclusion IS bullying.
There are other mums who hve had this happen, hopefully they will be along soon.

However, genrally it is a good idea to talk to the teacher who may not be aware this is ahppening.

If he says things in front of you then you could challenge this child as to why he has these opinions and why he is choosing to shout them about.
This child is on some kind of power trip, hopefully the teacher and school can nip it in the bud.

Would you feel confident about approaching the mum?

In dd's school 'exclusory' behaviour happens quite often but isn't tolerated so long as the teachers know about it. I would have a chat to the teacher, especially as your ds has some special needs you say? But I would also give your ds some things to say to this other boy, stock sentences that suit his personality so that he can learn to defend himself in situations that are likely, unfortunately, to go on through the whole of school.

Don't think you are being over-sensitive at all. Your son is upset, the other boy is behaving very badly in picking on your ds.

I'd talk to the teacher if I were you - don't approach the other mother, she may get upset or defensive. Explain what is happening and ask for ideas about handling it so your son isn't excluded or made unhappy. Perhaps she and any TAs could keep a special eye on this boy and your son and step in if there's any nastiness. And have a class chat about playing nicely and not leaving anyone out or being unkind.

Hello sorry to hear your son is feeling unhappy. I am a teacher and I agree that you should talk to the teacher in the first instance. It isn't always possible to be aware of every social situation that is going on with all the children in a class and as a teacher I would always want to know if something like this was happening. The most important part of being in reception is helping the children with social skills and it sounds like both your son and the other child could do with a bit of a helping hand.

Definitely talk to the teacher and also come up with some strategies with your son. ie saying 'yes there is room and I can sit where I like' and tell him to talk to the dinner lady if the boy is still being mean. Get the friend round to play next week, and maybe set them up with a shared activity they can talk about at school or do in teh playground. Re running away, mention this to the teacher and ask the playground supervisor to intervene. Also tell him not to run after them as that will make them worse.
In your situation when the boy is saying horrible things, I would simply say, 'well that's not true at all" or 'that's not a nice thing to say, is it?', even if his mum is there.
Children can be mean in a rather innocent way, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't step in.
I have told a child who liked to tell on one of mine very meanly, 'ooh, telling tales is horrible. Nobody wants to listen to a tell-tale'. he stopped and that child and mine went on to be friends.

i would talk to the school and the mum, maybe she hasnt noticed what is going on?

i would be horrified if my dd treat anyone like that and i am always telling her that all kids are the same and it is not nice to leave ppl out. does he have any more confident friends/cousins he could play with?

my friends dd is v shy and wears glasses and was bullied by ppl in her street for it but never stuck up for herself or said anything untill she started spending more time with my dd (who is v confident)

You are not being over sensitive. Have a word with the teacher. A lot of schools have a playground friends scheme so that exclusion doesn't happen.