Is this fraud and what to do.

[froggola]

Please no judgement. DH and I have been living apart for a couple of years but still together. Me and kids will move back into with him in September.
When applying for reception place I put his address as our main residence. I also didn’t say DS goes to nursery. As the nursery he goes to would prove that my house not in the borough is his main residence. I know that is wrong but I made the decision in a moment when filling in the form….Ds got offered a place and now school want a home visit. It’s feeling really stressful. What’s the plan? To go there and fake I already live there? Withdraw the application? It’s making me feel uneasy. I’d appreciate honest advice. I wasn’t intentionally deceitful, but I was. by omitting information and lying about my address. …which will be my address by September. If it makes any difference I’m on the deeds and have owned the house got a decade…

I do wish people in general would not mistake “common sense/how they think things should work” with “the rules/the law”

I agree that it is a sensible outcome that the child gets this place, but it is not an outcome that the rules lead to (unless the home ownership trumps address, as PRH mentioned).

Final post is they will need the nursery/preschool info to get all the information required which is really helpful for the primary school AND your child. Definitely don’t lie about that and try and make out they haven’t attended preschool. Firstly because that would be an alarm bell going off in terms of you lying and second because it will be patently obvious your child has attended pre-school once the child starts school.

Ds won't have to lie. The teacher is hardly going to say "do you live here?"
Go to thr house for the visit. Preferably with Daddy in situ. It is your child's home.

@froggola Why are you moving in September and not the end of term? Have you at least moved back for the weekends?

Which posts are utter nonsense, @MumWifeOther ?

And incidentally, there are very good reasons why these things are governed by hard rules rather than common sense. One person working at an LA might have a different view of what constitutes common sense than someone else - and, a parent with more education (or money for a good lawyer) can make a much stronger 'common sense' argument than a parent with learning needs or nobody to advise them. It's actually much fairer to subject everyone to the same hard rule.

So.....what's done is done. Go to house that you put down as address scatter toys every where. Have the visit. Forget about it.
It becomes a problem if you don't move by start of school. Deal with that at the time. I wouldn't normally say be a baddie but it's done now.

I’m just so bloody glad that these home visits weren’t a thing when mine were little! I presume it’s because people lie about where they live? But it’s so very very intrusive, and I’m sure many visiting staff make unfair judgements on poorer families 😞

Actually in many areas they have always been a 'thing'. My Reception teacher visited me before I started school. That was over 30 years ago and it wasn't new then. It's just the way many places do things.

It should be informal. I enjoy doing them. It really helps to build the relationship with the family. I understand people's reasons, but I always find it a shame when we are unable to go and visit certain children to start building that relationship nice and early.

The home visits aren't mainly about that at all, but they can occasionally throw up address issues. From a school POV they can be incredibly helpful in flagging up potential safeguarding concerns, or just other stuff that's really helpful for teachers to know - it's not about judgment. And the children often get wildly excited about their teacher coming to their house.

I think @MumWifeOther needs to check their definition of 'Karen'. God I hate that term, but I'm pretty certain making someone (who did indeed ask) aware of the rules, and the potential consequences of breaking those rules, does not make one a 'Karen'.

But she hasn’t though. This isn’t a case of renting another house or listing a grandparent’s house. The OP has a complicated family scenario but the father has lived in that address legitimately and arguing about does the child spend exactly 50:50 in it is truely nitpicking. How could the council prove how many days the child spends in each property? The father might have had the child most of the time and just taken them to nursery from his address. When you have 2 parents living separately it isn’t always straightforward as to which is the main residence as it can change and vary whether it is in school time or holidays.

where child benefit is paid is irrelevant as it can go to either parent and when I moved house I kept myself registered to my old doctors for about a year after I moved. None of this proves anything.

given the situation they are in I would have also used the father’s address. It wouldn’t have occurred to me that this was against the rules. There was no intent to defraud but pragmatically it was the best address to use for the situation. It wasn’t an address created simply to game a school place and the OP planned to stay in the old address.

Yes it's fraud, and dishonest, and you will have taken a space from someone who lives closer than you.
However, it's not the worst case I've read on here if you really will be living at the address you said you lived at at time of application.
If you tell the council, you will lose the place

Not necessarily. The limited circumstances to which I was referring are when you are moving and you have exchanged contracts or signed a lease.

Who filled out the application is pretty much irrelevant. What matters is the LA's rules. If they require the address where the child is living, OP has a problem. If they require the address of any property owned by the parents, OP is in the clear.

Does your ds not stay part of the week with his dad, in the address you applied from?

This.

While you might be on dodgy ground, I totally see why you did it. If I knew I was moving back to somewhere, then why go through applying for the school twice? But, that’s not how the council would see it.

What steps have you done to prove you are actually moving in once your older one finishes term? Have you have ended a rental agreement or booked a moving van? Having that will help should push come to shove.

How was the home visit arranged? I don’t think they are complusory if they are teachers from the school.

You applied for a school place at the nearest school to where you will be residing in September. It saves the hassle of applying for a school place in your nearest town, then having to move your child when you move house. For all they know, your child might have been going to live with his dad in September and that's why you wanted that school. There are so many reasonable explanations as to why you've done what you've done. I wouldn't worry about it too much 😊.

Why all the fuss ffs it will be his house in September

my kids attended the nursery miles from my home near me work

stop the dramatics , all primary kids are visited at home it’s a standard thing nothing to do with checking up on you more checking the home the child comes from from a safeguarding point of view

move some stuff in and have the meeting and chill

Please don’t do this because of some idiot on MN who wants to scare you. You would be wasting your own time and the school and council’s time. Your child will be living in catchment by the time they go to school. Nobody will care.

@froggola you may find this thread helpful...
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/primary/4843743-teacher-home-visit-prior-to-reception-year-start

Have you considered declining the request? It seems to be optional.

I do feel sorry for the child and the family of that child who won't get the place at the school that the OP has taken for her chld that according to the rules, her child is not entitled to.

The home visit is a familiarisation visit so that DC can meet their teacher in a familiar environment and you can give any necessary information in a face to face setting. If it's not convenient then you can request that you do a visit at school. Maybe take a favourite toy they can show off. You absolutely don't have to let a teacher visit you at home if you don't want to. Don't stress the other stuff, you will be living there it's fine. (Probably all said by someone else but I got a long way done the thread without finding anything similar.)

Respectfully, this 'idiot' is trying to support the OP by advising them to be honest rather than deceitful. Hopefully, it won't be seen to matter. If it does (which several people have pointed out it could, in some areas) she could end up losing the space further down the line. If the OP is worrying about it to the point where they fill ill (as they claim) then the best thing to do is ease her conscience and come clean. That way she'll know where she stands and whether or not it matters. Hopefully it won't, as many seem to think. She won't know unless she fesses up though. Is it really worth the months of stress waiting and worrying if she'll be 'found out'?

Nobody is trying to scare OP, they have already scared themselves. Personally, when I'm worried about something, as OP is, having someone else simply say 'don't worry about it' isn't going to stop me from worrying. If the only thing that will stop OP from worrying is coming clean to see if the situation is not the problem she's fearing it may be, then that's what she needs to do.