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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary school teacher

7 replies

chillicheeseandchocolate · 13/05/2025 17:53

Long story short, I can’t stand my daughter’s teacher, she is highly unapproachable and abrasive. She’s got a bad reputation at school with parents, pupils and staff members. I really wanted to form my own opinion but from the start she’s been awful. I’m a knackered single parent and any interactions knock my already fragile confidence and the anxiety has been through the roof. My daughter is on the ADHD/autism pathway for diagnosis and can be challenging but I feel she’s settled ok. I try to avoid the teacher but I asked one question yesterday and she replied in such a rude way that has set me off. I know there’s only a few weeks left of school but there’s a possibility that she could have this teacher again. Has anyone else had issues with their child’s teacher and how did you manage it. We cannot move school as my daughter is a twin and both girls love the school.

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 13/05/2025 18:00

Both dc love the school. That’s absolutely great. I’d leave it at that. I rarely spoke to a teacher. So I’d advise to not bother. In life there are always grumpy people. Your DD doesn’t have an issue with her so I’d be pleased about that. If you have a question, ask other parents. That’s what I used to do. A non grumpy source of information.

BoleynMemories13 · 13/05/2025 20:48

Your daughter's both love school. That's amazing. They really wouldn't if this teacher was rude to them so I really don't see it as a major problem that you find her rude and unapproachable. Addressing children and parents are two different skills. Some are great at one but lacking in the other. It's much better than she's this way around, in that the kids like her, even if it is a pain not being able to freely speak to her without feeling snapped at.

If you don't like talking to her, avoid her from now on in. Address your questions to someone else (TA, office staff, SENCo, headteacher etc, whoever feels most appropriate). Chances are, neither of them will have her next year and you've only got a couple of months left of her. If they do have her next year, you need to put your own feelings aside and just be glad they're both happy.

Trytryagain25 · 14/05/2025 01:40

Why don't you try using some of the tactics when dealing with her.

Such as - she says something rude and you reply;

'Pardon, I didn't quite catch that' - forcing people to repeat themselves when they've said something rude usually makes them respond better (not always though but worth a try).

'Would you like to repeat that in a different way, it came across quite rude which I'm sure you didn't mean to be?'

'Let me repeat the question. Your reply came across quite abrupt, so I think I was misunderstood. My question was....'

'Please can we keep our interactions respectful'.

'I really want to make this relationship a positive one, shall we start over this interaction?'

Or quite simply a death stare and with, 'excuse me?' Or 'I beg your pardon'.

There's loads of ideas online for responding to difficult/rude people.

Just remember whatever happens - you need to stay calm and neutral. If she escalates - you reply with, 'I won't be spoken to like this, so I'm going to leave and give you a chance to calm down. You can come back to me when you've thought about a better way to have this conversation'.

I've had to say that in work before - to someone much more senior than me. It was on the phone so I said, 'I'm ending the call now' - the rest was the same though. He melted like a child, sheepishly apologised and never crossed me again.

I was perfectly calm and entirely neutral when I delivered that line. I basically spoke to him like I would a 5yr old having a tantrum.

Take the high ground but stand up for yourself - if it's necessary and you do need to speak to her.

TizerorFizz · 14/05/2025 09:44

Nah!! I’d never bother with all of that. For possibly half a term! Life is too short to engage with all of that when you can get the answer elsewhere.

1SillySossij · 14/05/2025 09:55

Your post is all about your relationship with the teacher. The teacher is there for the pupils not the parents!

TorturedParentsDepartment · 14/05/2025 10:04

DD2 had a reception teacher I really took an instant dislike to based on the way she interacted with me as a parent. She was blunt, quite socially awkward and seemed to really favour the parents she already knew from kids who'd gone to nursery there.

When I got to know her (and vice versa) she was actually just incredibly shy with adults to start with and was the best classroom teacher I ever saw when in front of the class (I did a lot of time volunteering in the school to rebuild my own CV as an ex-teacher considering getting back into it) and did amazing stuff supporting us to get DD2's various SEN conditions diagnosed. We still had moments when she was a bit blunt and I mentally thought "ouch" - but I'll fully admit I misjudged her to start with and how she was with adults did not in any way reflect how she was with the kids.

TizerorFizz · 14/05/2025 10:05

Different personalities teach - don’t they! Judge them on their teaching.

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