Advice on sending children to different schools

[FrazzledMum22]

I have a difficult decision to make – should I send my children to different primary schools? (This isn’t about logistics, but rather the social and emotional impact it will have).

My children’s overlap is limited to three school years.

DC1 attends Primary School A, and whilst our child is performing well academically, our experience of this school is that children are left exposed to violent behaviour for sustained periods by a small number of pupils, and the interventions in place are ineffective in completely stopping it.

I’m talking about being punched, pushed over, pinned down, scratched leaving scars, hit with objects, etc.

For us, it has stopped or reduced because we, as parents, have implemented interventions, but it’s not an isolated issue – I see similar behaviour in other classes at the school.

We could get DC2 in to one of the ‘best’ primary schools in the county, with excellent results year on year and a good reputation.

Separating our two children would be socially and emotionally distressing for both. They share an exceptionally close bond.

DC1 isn’t willing to change schools because of friendships and also struggles with change. Additionally, the other school has a long waiting list, and we’re unlikely to secure places for both children.

Should I break my children’s hearts and separate them to keep DC2 away from the chaos at the current school, or do the benefits of sharing the same school and experiences outweigh the drawbacks?

(Please, no advice on how to improve DC1’s situation – I’ve already spoken to the school SLT and Governors).

What is the age gap between them? If it's a case of one is in juniors whilst the other is in infants, I doubt that they'd see each other much during the school day anyway.
Edit: I've just seen you've said an overlap of 3 school years. I'd send DC2 to the other school.

If school A really is as bad as you say, I would send DC2 to school B if you can. You wouldn't actually 'break their hearts' as they wouldn't be spending much time together at school anyway, especially with a 3-year age gap.

You are the parents and you should make the decisions, especially with such young children. In this situation, you know you would be doing the right thing for DC2 given your current knowledge of the problems at school A.

If DC2 gets into school B, would that push DC1 up the waiting list for that school (as they would now be a sibling?)

There is little point in discussing the 'what ifs' with DC1 until they actually get a waiting list place in school A. If they do get an offer at some point in the future, that is the point to make the final decision. Again, ultimately it's not DC1's choice whether to move schools. However, you may be lucky and DC1 may want to by that point, if DC2 is happy in school B.

Yes, I'd send DC2 to School B – they've got their entire primary career ahead of them, and I really don't think it makes sense to risk subjecting them to these issues for so many years just because their older sibling is (and then was) there. As PP say, they largely won't see each other during the day, so it's largely about sharing the walk to/from school, the uniform, and occasional things like school fairs/fetes. Obviously nice to share those with a sibling – but more important to have a good learning environment where you feel safe for 6 hours a day. Both DC should be able to understand age-appropriate versions of that explanation.

I'd also put DC1 on the waiting list, and if DC1 is offered a place, then you can discuss whether it would be to their advantage to move.

I think you are really over emoting with the ‘breaking hearts’ situation. You’ve had a poor experience of the school, it seems crazy to subject your younger one to that when every logical decision would be to go to the better school. It is nice and easier having siblings in the same school bur not at the expense of being exposed to violence.

For different reasons my 2 boys who are close (2 school years apart) ended up at different schools for 4 years. It definitely didn’t break their hearts. I’d send younger one to the other school.