Deferral advice

[Babybrain26]

Just looking opinions please our son has only turned 4, due to start school in September (4 years and 4 months), we suspect adhd at this point (asd in the family). I'm worried about his concentration/ focus/emotional regulation mainly, possibly with some sensory issues. Preschool have not mentioned any issues but aren't very supportive as they're closing anyway. He's made a close friend and I'm not sure what to do for the best. I'm concerned he'll reject another preschool year (same location but new ownership) once he sees his friends going past the door into the primary school. As a parent though I'm feeling quite a bit of pressure from the current preschool staff and other parents to just send him on. Very few defer in our area and to a point parents seem to see it as admitting there's 'issues'/ putting your child down/singling them out etc. It's not straightforward any advice appreciated.

Forgot to mention he's had glue ear for about 1 year and has a slight speech delay. He's due to get grommets next week.

Hi, I’ve been where you are, it’s such a tricky place to be! After months of indecision, we delayed and started my daughter at just 5 and she is thriving. It’s been the best decision and I now can’t remember why I was so worried about it.

From my experience, Mumsnet isn’t always the most helpful for this topic—people chip in without firsthand experience or much knowledge at all. I’d suggest joining the Facebook group Flexible School Admissions for Summer Borns—it’s full of parents who’ve been through the process and offer solid advice.

We were fortunate—the application to our LA was straightforward, and we received support from several schools.

It’s not an easy decision, but because you have a gut instinct I’d follow it. To ease my worries about it, I’d think about if I didn’t do it how much I’d regret it. Join the Facebook group, people on there are very generous with their time and experience.

I delayed my jul born.
She had adhd behaviour - at home up till school. And has actually be fine at school now y5. Have had a few issues with teamwork and she is still likely ND as is her sister. But its been 100% better than dc1 who went in cohort but had had a lot of issues at preschool.
Use the extra year for him to improve his speech and regulation.

Though i would say he is going to be much older than all the other kids and it maybe there will be bullying.

They dont care that much when friends move up. At 10 mine doesnt remwmber nursery certainly not the year 3-4.

Also, be prepared to hear a lot of anecdotal stories—things like, “My child was born in August and is now a CEO/consultant/etc or started school at 4 and is doing so well’’. While that’s lovely for them, it doesn’t reflect the broader picture. The data consistently shows that summer-born children, on average, do not fully catch up academically—even at degree level. It’s important to weigh individual stories against the wider evidence when making your decision.

I feel I have not enough experience to have a very valid opinion but based on what you’ve said, in your shoes I think I would continue on somewhere else. I think all new social interaction, new friends, new learning etc will all likely be beneficial for him. I might be inclined to do short days or only a few days a week if he was very tired and found the transition hard but I think 4/5 is old enough to benefit from a varied learning environment; even if he has lack of focus etc. I am surprised you feel he has a potential diagnosis yet previous nursery have no concerns- you say they aren’t ‘supportive’ but even if not supportive I’d expect them to have said things that would confound your opinion. If they haven’t, and you just suspect because of family already diagnosed; I would just push on and see how he goes. I wouldn’t take steps based on what I thought might be a future diagnosis. I don’t know if I’ve phrased that well, apologies if not!

I won't lie the potential bullying aspect does worry me too.

I'd be inclined to see how the grommets help, it should improve his speech and concentration. I believe April birthdays are the eldest you can be to defer so I'd need to be really convinced it's the right choice.

Totally, we've only got until June really though to make the decision and I'm wondering if we'll have enough time (2 weeks) to see the effects of the grommets?

If the school isn’t oversubscribed, maybe you could say you’re deferring him but still have the option to change your mind later? If there are still places in his year you could decide later on to slot him in if you think he’s ready. If it is oversubscribed, then obviously that won’t work.

It usually is oversubscribed unfortunately.