Year 6 school residential, 11 year old still bed wetting at night, advice please

[TurquoiseDress]

Our DS aged 11 is due to go on his year 6 residential in early July, a few weeks before they finish primary school

He’s very keen to go and signed up but he’s never been reliably dry at night, has been to the enuresis clinic, tried alarms, has been taking full dose Desmopressin for over 2 years now- he was just turned 9 when he went on it

The reality is now hitting him about going on the trip- it’s a PGL type thing- and he’s now worried about potentially being wet during the night.

He doesn’t want to wear pull ups for the trip- I’ve been trying to wean him off pull ups the past few months, we’ve had to use them especially when away on holiday and other times he’s woken up soaking wet (with pull ups) sometimes up to his armpits/down to his knees, wet sheets & duvet.

We’ve not had an episode like the above in recent months and things have improved overall…but being dry is not a certainly, even with full dose Desmopressin

Any advice on things we can do to help, help prepare him to manage things while he’s away? It’s 3 nights

He doesn’t want me to talk to his teacher but I’ve told him I need to so he’s aware that he’s taking medicine and in case he needs to tell someone if he’s wet etc

DH thinks we should just pull him out of the trip

DS is still v keen to go- I really want to help him manage potential issues and give him more confidence around it

We have a community paediatrics appointment…the week after they come back from the trip 🤦‍♀️
This referral has taken several months to come through, after back and forth to the GP

Any practical advice/tips or sharing own experience of kids with nocturnal enuresis ongoing aged 11 who have been on school residentials.

Also any teachers who have taken kids/had experience of managing these situations?

I feel really sad at the thought of DS missing out on the trip but equally don’t want him to have to potentially face a mortifying experience.

Thank you in advance!

This was us with my DD. Talk to the school he will not be the first.

They basically asked how my DD wanted to handle it and had a discrete way of giving her the meds. She got a room with an en-suite. She did wear pull ups but none of the nice girls in her room (who she got to secretly pick) guessed or if they did they kept quiet. She had a great time.

No experience of schools but I am on a scout group committee. We always ask parents to inform leaders of issues like this and I know they are always sensitively handled and children can enjoy camps. Schools will have dealt with this many times.

exactly this

Ds2 has only recently become reliably dry and he's just turned 15.

School trips have always been a bit of a cross your fingers and hope for the best situation. And in the weeks leading up, becoming really really strict with a schedule and reiterating to them that if they want to go they MUST stick to it.

So, lots and lots to drink throughout the day - that's most important. Then nothing to drink after 6 or 7pm (as early as possible, schedule dependent). Desmopressin at a set time each night, set an alarm. Never deviate. Urinate every hour before bed at least, after desmopressin, go as many times as possible.

When ds2 was in Y6, he also took pull ups. We made it as easy/inconspicuous as possible for him. Dark coloured pull ups (I bought them online and paid a damn fortune for them). Three carrier bags in his case, each with a pair of PJs and a pull up in, so he could simply grab a bag and disappear to the toilet quickly to change. We also packed a couple of empty black bags in his case so if the worst happened he could bundle up his PJ'S in a black bag and wrap them then just bring them home.

Did similar with DD when she went on her first residential.

I know you son will be embarrassed OP but explain to him the teachers will have heard it before and their job is to support him. It's a condition like anything else.

Hope he's dry soon, we thought DD would never get there and then she suddenly improved at 13/14.

This was us with two of our boys, though they were dry at night a bit earlier, at 9. We found that actually they were fine away from home, despite being anxious about it. I suspect being somewhere unfamiliar they didn't sleep as deeply and were able to wake up in time. It might be OK. Do speak to the organisers, they will have come across this before.

Teacher view here - ask them to check his bedding every morning and have it changed if needed.

Bags of prepared pjs and pull ups if needed, plus something to cover up for the walk to the bathroom if wet.

He must have a morning shower if wet. Ask the teachers if that would be normal for the other children and how to deal if not.

Thank you so much for all the replies so far!

It really helps to know that others are/have been in a similar situation. Will reply later when not at work

Please tell the school. I have often taken Y6 children away on residentials and always ask the parents at the parents meeting to tell me if their child is not reliably dry at night. About 10% of children at this age are not reliably dry. We can then quietly check in with them and wash bedding etc whilst they are out in the day.

Not currently in teaching but was and did many residentials. Speak to the teachers they will be fine and may have already had similar situations.

I had one, but which was not as frequent. Mum spoke to me, I spoke to the child and we came up with a plan which the child was aware of and I spoke her about it in a relaxed way. She wore pull ups and at check in times used it as a prompt to go to the toilet. And we checked in with her each morning to check everything was okay and if sheets needed washing. Wed come up with a plan that wed send the other girls out to do a task so we could get sheets changed and her washed.

Luckily it was fine and no incidents.

Would be such a shame for your son to miss out. Id speak to a teacher asap so your son has more time to get used to the teacher knowing and feeling comfortable that there is a plan in place. PGL create such fantastic memories, especially in year 6.

Another teacher here, although the wrong year group to have ever done residential! I do know from colleagues though that they are well-versed at this.
Definitely speak to the school - they will know what facilities the venue has and what he may need to do to make things easier should he have a wet night.

You’ve still got some time before July. See if you can get him back to the GP or to the clinic for a medication review.
It wasn’t long ago that I was in a very similar position with my own son (Y4) but he has just come back from a 2 night residential and was dry both nights. He was seen at clinic and prescribed Desmopressin, but it did very little for him. We moved to Tolterodine, which got him about 50% dry, and then onto Oxybutynin which has pretty much done the trick for him. Just the odd wet night if he’s had a drink too late in the day or is unwell etc.

As a bit of extra security for the residential, we bought him some incontinence pants from the ERIC website which were recommended by his consultant. They looked like boxers but had a hidden absorbent pad. I don’t think they would have held a whole big wee but it offered him some reassurance for any dribbles overnight.

Best of luck

Hi OP, been there, done that, got the T shirt! Tried desomelt, alarms, diary, measuring how much urine he produced, you name it.

So, you have a good 8 weeks to plan.

Top tips from me…
No more pull ups!
Get him to help you make the bed as normal, then lay a cheap shower curtain over it, then make the bed again.
It’s then easily stripped for any accidents and the mattress is protected. Tell him if he has an accident in the night to take a layer off and go back to sleep.

Then get him to help with the laundry the next morning.

No drinks after 6pm.
As many wees as possible before sleep.
A slightly later bedtime.

What worked for my son; sounds daft but, talk to his brain, say wake me up if I need to go for a wee.

I found milk was a trigger, so we stopped drinking milkshakes and hot chocolate unless it was before lunch.

We cracked it, started in February half term and camp was end of April. He was so chuffed with himself!

Ds1 was reliably dry at night a week before he went on year 6 residential (and prior to being dry at night he went on cub camps)

I spoke to the leaders / teachers before hand and as pp have said ds chose his room mates. I read somewhere that 1 in 30 10/11 year olds are not dry at night so it is likely that every year 6 class will have one child who is not dry.

what we found worked was

aiming for 7 drinks a day
no blackcurrant or caffeine drinks
double wee at bedtime
helping to change sheets (not as a punishment)
the motivation of being dry for PGL
consistent use of the alarm over an extended period
no drinks two hours before bed

we used a big plastic sheet in bed covered by a towel and a sheet - much easier to wash.

At one point I had 3 children in nappies, ds2 was dry day and night within a week at 3yrs old, ds1 was 10 (nearly 11) and ds3 was 8. There was a lot of washing - I wish coverless duvets had been more common.

Check out some of the incontinence pants tou can get that look like completely normal boxers/pants, eg https://www.fledglings.org.uk/collections/incontinence-underwear?srsltid=AfmBOoq0OgsiBS08ym9j9Yd1sro3ROmXyszD7iUWamfWEP6wSnK_a-V1

I would add, the teachers can then warn the venue that this might happen so that a waterproof sheet can be put on his bed to avoid wetting the mattress. I have had teenagers on residentials where this has been managed in a discreet and understanding way.

I was still bed wetting at 11. I used to dream that I got up and went to the toilet and then wake up in a wet bed. It was so upsetting. So reassure him that he will grow out of it. Not sure what to do re trip but lots of advice on your thread.

We had this with our 11 yr old DS.

Do talk to the teachers about it - our DS wasn’t the first child his teachers had taken on a residential trip who wasn’t reliably dry at night, and I’m sure that your DS won’t be the first that his teachers have seen.

DS’s teachers sorted out a plan that included DS wearing pull-ups at night, DS being in a room next to a toilet with facilities to allow him to discreetly dispose of the pull-ups in the morning, checking in with him to see if sheets needed changing and so on.

It all went very smoothly, there weren’t any incidents, and to the best of my knowledge, none of the other children noticed DS’s pull-ups.

I have taken a level kids away that aren’t reliably dry at night so please don’t worry-this isn’t our first rodeo! Talk to teachers. We have done a variety of things: double sheeted so can just remove top sheet, stuff under bed until next morning, pull ups, change of sheets, own sleeping bags. Talk to the teachers-they will be discreet!

My daughter was the same on her yr 6 residential. School said for her to leave her pull up in her bed in the mornings and staff would discreetly get rid of it. They made it really easy for her

It's not that uncommon.
I'm a Guide leader and have taken a handful away over the years who are not dry at night.
We always chat to find out how the girl wants to handle it. Most recent case the girl found it empowering when we explained that we had had others with a similar issue.
Please talk to his teacher. They can help with encouraging drinks during the day and remind to use bathroom before bed. If a pull up is used on a trip they can make sure that there is a suitable discreet bin.
They can also make a plan for wet bedding (eg maybe a code word) and ensure that fresh bedding can be sorted while all children as re out of sight of the rooms.

Lots of good advice here. I sent similar aged DC with pull ups wrapped up in PJ's and the in a plastic bag so there was easy disposal later, They went to change for the night in the loo put them on and same in the morning to get rid of them. They had a great time and no-one noticed

PGL are well versed in this, as the school will be.

They have rooms with showers in and teachers tend pop round very early to wake kids so they can use the loo/jump in the shower if needed and they change sheets.

PGL use mattress protectors etc so it's really not a big deal.

DS is likely to be put in a room with other kids who have worries (sleepwalkers, night terrors, separation anxiety etc) - he may have other bed wetters in his class!

It's really very common.

I hope he goes and has the time of his life.x.