@wingingitandsoaring it is less hopeless than some previous posters are detailing, because the important thing is that this is a multi-step process, and your difficulties will be mainly for the initial steps, and your situation will improve in the later ones.
The process is:
You express your preferences by the initial deadline (dec/jan)
You get made an initial offer on the offers day (mar/apr)
There is an acceptance deadline a few weeks after that, after which there is a second round of allocations to redistribute any places that weren't accepted.
Then there is a 3rd round to redistribute the places that have noe been released due to some kids improving their offer in round 2.
Come September, some kids whose places were accepted will nevertheless not show up on day 1, and the schools will spend a couple of weeks minimum trying to make contact with them. Eventually some of those places will be released and there is a 4th reallocation to people that are still on waiting lists.
(I am disregarding appeals because I am assuming there is unlikely to be reasonable grounds for an appeal for you)
The most important thing for you is that if you can manage to move and be officially resident at your new address by the time of the 2nd/3rd/4th rounds, you will leapfrog up the waiting lists - your position on waiting lists is purely about how you match the specific school oversubscription policy, NOT about when you applied. So, if you move in March to an address that is right next door to a school that has a place released for rounds 2/3/4 you will be number one on the waiting list and will get a place, so you need to choose your new home very carefully then hold your nerve.
The local authority will have published a list of places offered against PAN for each school, and these are usually available online for the last 3 years. Check out all the undersubscribed schools that are accessible to you for the area, and see which are the most acceptable to you. Make sure that at least one of these usually-undersubscribed schools is the final choice on your preference list. You can then put more popular schools higher up your list, but the undersubscribed one will neverthrless probably be what you are allocated in round 1 - but don't worry, that is just your backup last-ditch fallback.
You then make sure that you are registered for voting/council tax/child benefit at your new address, hopefully very close to your favourite school, and make sure that the Local Authority and the schools know your new address and that they have adjusted your waiting list priority based on your new address. With any luck you may well get a school you genuinely like in round 2 or 3. Remember at this stage that you can be on the waiting lists for as many schools as you like. There is a lotof shuffling between April and September.
You can even hold out for round 4 if you (a) accept the disruption for your child being at a less-preferred school for a couple of weeks and then moving OR (b) If you can possibly arrange a month of leave from work (or other childcare arrangement) for September and hope that a place comes available before your employers run out of patience.