Child didn’t get in primary-massive guilt

[Cazzalk]

My youngest child didn’t get in our local church school that my son currently attends. I have the worst guilt ever imaginable and have no idea how I am goin to broach to the subject with our 4 year old child. She has been at the school frequently collecting my son and thinks she will also be attending as are all her current friends. 😔😔 my son is in year 6 so didn’t count as an attending sibling. Really struggling !! She’s been given a school where no other children are attending

Do you know if there was a reason and if you can talk to someone about having her admitted? Having two at different primary schools seems ridiculous.

Don’t panic. Are you on the waiting list? Have you spoken to the school? I’m surprised that a child in year 6 doesn’t count under sibling rules. Have you checked this is correct?

You say “your brother is moving to a new big school so you’ve got a place and you’ll be going to a new school too so let’s go and visit it. Do a drive by first to see the outside and plant the seed. Then, arrange to visit. See it as a new start.

my friend got a different primary for her dd but dd1 was still in another primary and there was no way she could do two drop offs at different locations as a single mum. It was rubbish but she ended up moving the older one to the dd2’s school. It worked out fine but it was such a horrible position to put her in. She’d had to move between the 2dc starting school (but still very very close) because her husband cheated on her and walked out. It was all so cruel but the dc were fine.

oh no, welcome to mumsnet - I see its your first post. Did you think she was going to be admitted because your son was there?
Have you accepted the place you've been offered? Are you on the waiting list for other schools you put on your preference list?

By September the year 6 dc won’t be in the school anymore so dc in reception won’t have a sibling at the school.

The criteria is a sibling at admission

She won't, her older child will be in secondary when her younger starts reception. I imagine that's why they didn't count for sibling purposes as they'd never be in primary school at the same time.

@Overtheatlantic No, you can't 'talk to someone about having her admitted' If it is an infant class size appeal there are very limited reasons to allow admission. Its not like having a word in the ear of the headteacher

A child in year six won’t be a pupil at the school when a reception child starts. This is why they don’t “count” as a sibling.

Was the school she got one of your other choices?

I agree with PP - big smile, and ‘look at this amazing school you’ll go to when DB goes to big school. It’s got a fantastic playground!’ (Or whatever).

Don’t worry at all about it not being the school she’s expecting, or where she doesn’t know people. 4 year olds are immensely adaptable.

But do put yourself on the waiting list for any school you’d prefer.

Don't feel guilty OP. There's nothing you could have done, in no way are you responsible for her not getting in. I totally agree with those saying you simply need to big up the allocated school to her to build the excitement. Keep reminding her the other school won't be big brother's school for much longer either, as they're both going on a big exciting adventure to different schools. Don't draw attention to the fact her friends are going to a different school, or that she won't know anyone else yet. Just keep talking about the new friends she'll make (which she will). You need to approach it positively, and she'll feed off you.

I'm not sure why so many who are replying seem shocked that a current Year 6 sibling doesn't count under the sibling rule. They will no longer be a pupil next year. Drop off will have to be at different schools anyway, by nature of the fact big brother will have left. Children should not get priority for having a sibling who use to attend the school.

Can you appeal? What is other school like?

It is correct. Older child will have left before younger one starts, obviously it doesn't count as having a sibling in the school when they won't have a sibling in the school!

How do you feel about the other school in of itself OP?

I have been through the same thing and felt exactly the same as you but do not fear! It worked out well in the end. Please don't worry about your child not knowing anyone. In reception year children quickly make friends and they all tend to play with lots of different people at that age. These things become much harder in later years when friendships become established. I appreciate you will be feeling rubbish right now but the new school might bring a lot of positive new experiences for you all.

Thank you everyone for all your comments. I know it will come good in time. Just feels pretty awful at the minute. Especially because lots of parents have manipulated the situation by attending church alone in the past year. Not something I could have managed in the last year with my little active girl