Party refusals

[Slightyamusedandsilly]

My DD is having her bday party next month and we have sent out invitations to her choice of school friends. Almost none of them have accepted. Only a couple of children from outside 'the clique' of mums are coming. Hopefully DD won't notice and will have a good time anyway, but I'm just a bit sad about it.

We've been quite critical about the school at times (not adequately meeting SEN needs) and I think it might be a factor in how she/we as a family are perceived because the official line is that it's an amazing over subscribed school. She's also had some behaviour issues (related to her unmet SEN needs) which I think might be a factor too. It doesn't seem to affect her friendships in school, but I think it adds to how parents perceive her.

All of this makes me really sad. She's a lovely little girl. Very caring and sweet.

Did you make it clear they need to RSVP? While I personally would always make my acceptance or decline clear to the host, as I find it rude not to, you'll probably find several just turn up. That's what often seems to happen in my experience.

It's worth following up individually with people who haven't responded because people do sometimes genuinely forget to reply.

If it’s next month it’s still some time away and most people don’t respond until about a week before I’ve found. Have they actually refused or just not responded?

If a lot of people have said No, the most likely scenario is another party.

If they just haven't replied remember people are flaky.

I sent the invitations out by Whatsapp because we've left it a bit late. Some haven't read them, others have said they can't go.

I definitely have the feeling it's dislike. I'm trying to tell myself as long as she has friends in her class at school it's ok and that these parents won't even be on the radar by secondary. It's just not a nice feeling, knowing that your child is disliked by adults.

Quite often in our class chats people will put a reminder “Hi everyone, just waiting for a few more RSVPs for Ellie’s party on the 23rd” this normally prompts people to reply.

I messaged the people who hadn’t responded to check if they were coming, most who’d said nothing had just forgotten to reply. We had a handful who didn’t respond at all but they’ve not attended a single party at all this school year so I didn’t press it as didn’t want to pressure anyone in case they couldn’t afford to come (presents do add up)

Honestly primary party school invites are exhausting and people have busy lives.
I mostly only agree to take my dc to parties if the child is their best friend or I know the parents well.

it’s extremely unlikely that a whole group of adults personally dislike a little girl and want to be mean to her.

It is no problem to follow up with people that did not respond. I did this and the mother had just not seen my message for whatever reason. She accepted the party invite and then when her dd had a bday party invited my dd.

As for the people that said no, if they do dislike you or your dd, then I would encourage other friendships. Sometimes there are bitchy mothers who like to exclude other dc or perhaps your dd might have done something they are not happy about. Whatever reason it is, I would just avoid and move on.

I found that some didn’t know what RSVP meant so making it clear that you need to know whether or not Little Johnny can attend by x date helped!

That’s fine, but if you are invited you should reply and decline/accept the invitation, which I am sure you do. It seems a number of the OPs invitees haven’t done this.

How old is your DD? If she's a lot older, then please ignore this, but I have a pre-school aged child and I notice that he is not very reliable about knowing who his friends are. If I ask him which children he wants to invite to his party, or who his favourite friends are, he'll name some of his actual friends, but also quite a few of the 'cool' children he would like to be friends with (one or two of whom I know are not actually that keen). As he's still at nursery, though, I do actually get more opportunities to see who he plays with (daily photos, drop offs and pickups not at set times) so I don't just have to rely on him telling me who his friends are. It may be that some of your DD's chosen children just don't actually want to come to the party, and if you have the chance to quietly ask the teacher who would be good choices you might get a better selection, i.e. the ones your DD wouldn't think of as the most desirable friends but who she actually does play with in real life.

How old is your daughter? My son has just turned 8 and he has started saying he doesn’t want to go to a couple of parties if he finds the party child is too loud or if he thinks there will be loads of noisy kids there. I do not know many of the children in his class so unsure who he’s SEN or not.

Could there be another party on the same day?

Are you sure there isn’t a clash with another Childs party?

It isn’t around half term is it? If so, lots of people are away at the weekends either side.