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Advice on school choices- state or private.

11 replies

tedcherries · 16/04/2025 07:50

Hi all,

Looking for some thoughts as we’re facing a decision about where our daughter should start school this September.

Our son (Year 8) is at a private school and has been privately educated since Year 1. We’re very happy with it.

Our daughter is due to start school this September. The catchment primary near us isn’t great, and it’s also in the opposite direction to our son’s school, which would make logistics tricky.

We applied for a state school that’s on the way to our son’s school — it’s not our catchment school, but we really liked it when we visited.

In the meantime, we also looked into local prep schools just in case. We ended up finding one we really love — it’s small, nurturing, and we feel it would really suit our daughter.

She currently attends preschool 3 days a week (increasing to 4 after Easter) and still struggles a lot with separation. She cries all the way there, won’t eat breakfast beforehand, but does settle shortly after arriving. She also finds transitions during the day hard, so we’re quite mindful of what kind of environment will best support her emotionally and socially.

We’ve registered her at the prep school, and everything is in place — but today, we found out she’s been offered a place at the state school we originally applied for.

Now we’re torn.
Part of me thinks she’d really benefit from the smaller class sizes, individual attention, and consistency that a private school could offer — especially given her current struggles with transitions and separation. Plus, her brother is already in private education.

But another part of me wonders whether we should send her to the state school now, and if needed, move her to private later — for example, for secondary.

I’d really appreciate any thoughts or experiences from those who’ve faced similar decisions — particularly if your children have had different needs, or if you’ve switched between sectors.

Thanks in advance!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Rocknrollstar · 16/04/2025 08:23

I would say go private and wonder why you chose it for your DS but are second guessing it for your DD? I would ask, can you honestly afford to pay The fees for two children for the next 13 or so years?

Writerbiter · 16/04/2025 08:32

Does your DS have additional needs? I can't think of another reason why I'd treat their schooling differently tbh.

tedcherries · 16/04/2025 08:33

Rocknrollstar · 16/04/2025 08:23

I would say go private and wonder why you chose it for your DS but are second guessing it for your DD? I would ask, can you honestly afford to pay The fees for two children for the next 13 or so years?

My son has ADHD, but he wasn’t diagnosed until he was 8. He had lots of struggles that the school wouldn’t meet. So, we moved him to a private school where they were excellent. He’s now getting all 9s and 8s in all subjects! Very proud of him and happy with the choice we made.

Yes, son will be leaving in a few years time. There will be a little push until then but it’s doable.

OP posts:
tedcherries · 16/04/2025 08:33

Writerbiter · 16/04/2025 08:32

Does your DS have additional needs? I can't think of another reason why I'd treat their schooling differently tbh.

Yes. He has ADHD.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 16/04/2025 08:34

if you can afford it send her to the private school. As PPs said I don't see why you would send her brother to private and not her.

If she was the oldest or an only child I'd say send her to the state school, but she's not.

NameChange30 · 16/04/2025 08:36

Sorry I had missed your updates.

Maybe you could send her to the state school for KS1 and then move her to the private school for KS2? But that would be a transition for her that might not be necessary if she is settled. And I guess it depends if the private school still has space.

tedcherries · 16/04/2025 08:37

NameChange30 · 16/04/2025 08:36

Sorry I had missed your updates.

Maybe you could send her to the state school for KS1 and then move her to the private school for KS2? But that would be a transition for her that might not be necessary if she is settled. And I guess it depends if the private school still has space.

The state school is an infant school also, I forgot to mention. So, the downside really is her moving again; and she really struggles with the transitions at the moment. I don’t want to keep changing schools. Although, the junior school obviously is right next door.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 16/04/2025 08:38

Given that she struggles with transitions and that statistically children are more likely to be neurodivergent if they have a neurodivergent sibling, I would consider the SEND provision at both schools and talk to both SENCOs if possible to help you decide.

tedcherries · 16/04/2025 08:41

NameChange30 · 16/04/2025 08:38

Given that she struggles with transitions and that statistically children are more likely to be neurodivergent if they have a neurodivergent sibling, I would consider the SEND provision at both schools and talk to both SENCOs if possible to help you decide.

Thank you. I hadn’t really thought about it too much because they are both so different. With my son, it was very clear he had something going on. My daughter is just a wild, nearly 4 year old! Hadn’t thought or noticed any of the signs in her that I did my son, but I do know girls present in different ways.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 16/04/2025 08:46

Different children present in different ways. There is a classic "girl" presentation although of course not all girls fit the pattern (and my boy masks a lot - he has autism and I suspect ADHD too). With my son it became clearer as he got a bit older, diagnosed just before 7.

NameChange30 · 16/04/2025 08:50

Not saying your DD is definitely ND btw, just that SEND provision should be a consideration just in case she is ND.

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