Teacher keeping child Year 1 in SEND list which we feel not needed

[Worriedmom40]

My kid is in year1 and extremely intelligent kid, very good in academics and overall good performance in sports and arts. However initially in start of school teacher said something strictly to him and he cried at home. I went and asked to know what's the problem, she didn't seem to like and next day told me he cried in school and will monitor him for SEND. I felt it's because of me asking her...
Now in PTM teacher is forcing us to refer for examination for points like emotion regulation and low confidence. Which we don't agree, we feel he is good with confidence slightly shy but he is only 6, and yes he is towards emotional nature which he will be fine in some years , and we don't worry about autism or anything to take him for examination.
Which obviously teacher didn't like it and she is being forcing us trying to tell why she is so right and why we are wrong. There was an incidence after PTM where teacher provoked my kid to crying by saying something bad about his handwriting and telling us he cried a lot n he had a meltdown. Now my kid says he doesn't want to go to school, because he is scared he will cry :( What can we do in this situation?? We are thinking of changing school in year. But how do we report this? Will there be any use reporting to headteacher?

What is ptm? Your child needs help with emotional self regulation, it is not normal for a 6yo to cry in class. Just be matter of fact and take him in, You need to engage with the teacher and hopefully with a bit of support he will learn to cope better. Changing school is unlikely to make much difference, the issue will follow him.

Are you on England? My son has been waiting 4+ years for a ADHD assessment and it's a three year wait for ASD. You've also got next to no chance of getting a ehcp if parents don't keeping on pushing for it so I'd chill out. If your not in England I can't comment.

Labour are about to make getting a ehcp close to impossible with proposed law changes being banded about.

If the teacher has concerns you should take it seriously. Teachers see so many children they are good at spotting signs of SEND and it can’t hurt to have a paediatric assessment if they are suggesting it. If you change school the next school will notice the same behaviour and will also recommend a referral, but as the waiting lists are so long your child will be waiting even longer to get the help he might need. Of paediatric assessment doesn’t show anything up then fine.

Schools are in a massive SEND crisis at the moment with unprecedented levels of need and demand for services so teachers really aren’t going to bother telling parents they have concerns if they don’t. If your child has difficulty regulating his emotions then the teacher is right to be concerned.

It's very unusual for a 6 year old to cry in school lessons especially over a teacher commenting on their hand writing, it does suggest a lack of confidence.

I would 100% be listening to the teacher as they have a lot of experience with children and the idea that they would put your child on the SEN register because you went in and asked about him crying is ludicrous. I expect there is more to it that just that instance of crying which the teacher has been trying to explain to you but you don't want to hear.

My DS was diagnosed with ASD at 11, I had absolutely idea beforehand despite having worked in SEN schools. You see your child's behaviour as just being him because it is his normal so it is also your normal. Sometimes it takes someone else to spot it, especially someone with a lot of experience.

Listen to the teacher. Listen to the teacher. You would not believe the number of children who end up in crisis further up school after parents deny there is a support need. Pay for an assessment if you can afford it and get answers straight away so you can all move forward.

You seem to view potential SEN as a stigma. SEN is not just about academics. Children who need support to regulate their emotions come under the umbrella of SEN, and that's ok!

So many parents have to fight to get support for their child. Here's your child's school offering it, and you seem to view it as offensive. Be pleased they want to support him!

It's not unusual for children to present differently in school to how they present at home. It doesn't mean school are 'wrong'. They just see a different side to him.

You see to have a dislike for this teacher. Lots of accusations of her making him cry etc. I'm a teacher who has had several children over the years cry when I've gently pointed out something they could improve on or something they need to change. Some children are perfectionists who see any advice as criticism, who perceive they have been told off if asked to change something. You weren't there to know that the teacher was strict and you certainly can't assume she 'provoked' him into crying. That's a mad accusation! It won't have necessarily happened how he told it . I'm not suggesting he is lying, just that kids aren't the most accurate of spokespeople and perception plays a huge part here. Just because he feels he was told off, doesn't necessarily mean he was.

The children I mentioned, who I've taught who cry at the thought of editing their work, all had some sort of emotional need at that point in time. They needed support to regulate their emotions. SEN support is not the stigma you seem to fear it is, and it won't necessarily be needed forever.

Speak to the SENCO if you have issues with the class teacher. Get their perspective of what they see of your child in school.

Just to add as well, it can be tough on the teacher when children in your care cry because of something you have said. It's different when they cry because they genuinely are in trouble. Children who cry because they realise the consequence of their actions are easier to deal with. I simply say "I can see that you're sad, and that means you'll learn from this and not do it again" and we move on. It's much harder dealing with a child who is crying because they're upset at something you have said, even if you know deep down you haven't said or done anything wrong. The guilt! All you can do is reassure them it's ok, they're not on trouble and we can fix it together. It's not nice though.

Here you are talking about this teacher as if they are some sort of monster for making your child cry. Chances are, they probably feel awful about the exchange. The fact they're referring your child for SEN support shows they care. They want to help him.

You can change school.

it’s not your decision whether your child goes on the Sen support list or not and you won’t be able to change it.

if she is recommending a referral you don’t have to do it. (But most parents regret not doing it)

I very much doubt your son will be assessed for a while so I would get in the system now. The whole process takes ages and a formal diagnosis will not happen unless his needs are quite pronounced. What you really don't want is a child who needs some specialist help being unable to access it, and then refusing school full stop.

There will always be shouty teachers in schools. If your child has a diagnosis or even if he is 'in the system', he will be treated much more carefully. My son had shouty teachers in Reception and Y3 but he was undiagnosed and sadly, they didn't see that he may have any SEN (he has ADHD, possibly ASD, high anxiety). They just shouted generally at the class and sometimes at him, but he was/ is very, very sensitive and anxious which rant damaged him.

This teacher sounds great if she's seen there is an issue and I'm sure she will be much gentler with him now. I really wouldn't move him where you may have a worse teacher who doesn't recognise he needs any special treatment or kindness.

Are you part of a culture where SEN is viewed as a bad thing/shameful?

You can chop and change as many schools as you want, but experienced teachers will spot the same thing.

perhaps you could just do right by your kid…accept the help that so many others beg and fight for. Good luck

Having children on the SEN list adds to the teacher's workload and it's not something they'd suggest unless they thought there were real issues

Why on earth would a teacher pretend a child has special needs

Wow - the teacher has identified something that needs checking for the benefit of your child. I’d absolutely work with them they do have your child’s best interest.

Usually teachers can’t spot it at all or don’t offer any support even in the private system
/ can’t be dealing with all the extra work.

Op - Is the child your first baby? Maybe it’s harder for you to spot as you’re super flexible to your child’s needs and not multiple children juggling on a daily basis.

The teacher must have a ND child to spot it …. (Especially at that age to ask)

But eh ho check it out for the benefit of your child

Hi OP. I wanted to give a (hopefully) balanced view. I have worked with children who have needed extra support for many years. These children maybe labelled with various diagnoses, or may just be on the SEND watch list. I have fought for parents to get help for their kids and written many EHCP reports and attended tribunals.

On the other hand I also have a very sensitive DC who has cried a lot in class. She is is shy and struggles to concentrate. We tell her it’s ok to cry and let out her feelings so that she can get help. I’d rather she did this than held it in and masks. This would lead to worse at home. Over the years she has built trust with her teachers and friends and naturally has built resilience.

I don’t have an answer - but I am surprised that I appear to be the only response (that I have seen - sorry if I’ve missed any) that isn’t jumping on the “your scared of SEN” train. Hopefully someone else with more sensitive children will be able to help too.

Im sorry your DC is now scared to go to school. Can you have a chat with the school and perhaps share how you feel. It’s hard - but try not to be defensive - you need facts.

sending love

PTM is probably parent teacher meeting.

How a child is at home can be very different than how they are in class. I volunteered in my children's primary and had to declare any relationships with children outside of school, ie my son is in yr4 but his yr4 mate's sibling is in my year group in year 2, I know the child outside of school and visit their house as I know their Mum. A school setting is much more formal for learning and there are 29 other children they have to interact with.

There are sometimes children who need additional support and it isn't a bad thing. There are usually SEMH teams in all schools, Social, Emotional and Mental Health under the SEND umbrella. My children's school had a barriers to learning for educational reasons such as dyslexia and also emotional barriers to learning which can be feeling overwhelmed in classrooms (my son who wasn't great with loud spaces) or they are sad because their parents are getting divorced so that is occupying their mind. The school provided the necessary scaffolding to support a child whatever the issue.

Teachers are trained to spot the signs of a child who needs support. I would embrace it and see if it helps your child. They will be moving onto another teacher in September and they too may spot signs that your child needs help. It is a positive thing because it means the school is being proactive. Many would ignore it because it is harder to do something than do nothing.