how do you get your children to tell you what happened at school

[Twiglett]

so far we've had 3 years (not including pre-school) of 'dunno', 'can't remember' and 'forgot'

Invite a few of their friends home for tea. My 7 year old ds (whose usual response is "Can't remember") will suddenly remember stuff when his mates are there. And if not, his mates will quite often say what happened anyway.

one-minute time limit

I sometimes say stuff that will generate a contradiction to get the conversation going.

"tell me what you did at school today or I'll send you in at the weekend"

I find that ds1 (yr1) sometimes opens up if we're doing something else, like sitting together and drawing or painting, or if just he and I go somewhere. He oftens tells more things to dh when he gets back from work or if dh is putting him to bed.

"I hope I don't forget to make tea" is a cruel but sometime effective tool.

This is where sibling rivalry can be a plus. Bribery also works wonders. Bet them they can't tell you something interesting.

I have spent an awfully long time in the company of children. See how they have worn me down wise and corrupt inventive I am.

get a job in their school, works for me

Also I find that if I ask him directly he'll just say he can't remember, but if I give him an anecdote from my school-days, or if I comment on something I've seen or done, then he will do the same. Also helps a lot that ds2 (in nursery) likes to tell stuff and then ds1 likes to pipe in with something as well.

If I just ask 'what did you do' they never know, but if I ask specfic questions 'What did you do in literacy, did you read any good books, did a giant swamp monster take you for Greek today?' then I get acual answers. DD's favourite answer when I ask her if she did anything interesting in Nursery is 'guess', so I have to go through all the activities I know they do in order to find out what she's actually done

sorry, please add in all the randomly missed out letters that this undersensitive keyboard keeps missing out!

don't ask when they get out of school. Sit with them at bedtime and you're more likely to get some response.

I know what he does on certain days so I can ask what did you do in pe/ what was assembly about and so on. I also ask who did yuou sit next to at lunch or pretend I don't remember it was his ppa time teacher and ask who he had. This is after he's had a drink and a snack at the school gates and then run for 15 minutes none stop all the way home - he doesn't like questions straight away.
We all take turns at the tea table saying what we've done that day.

i used to get the best response when asking "what was the best things that happened today" and "what was the worst thing"

I do that too Pag, works a treat.

I find DD will talk to me more if we do something like colouring or sticking together. She gradually opens up about school. Other than that the standard answer we get get from "what have you been up to today/" is "oh, all sorts of things"

with great difficulty, due to DS's language problems. I have to simplify my language down to the level of "what eat at school?" or "what read at school" or "what play with at school"

DD1's teacher recommended that we ask "who got into trouble today".

I usually ask "tell me one interesting thing that happened today". But NOT for at least half an hour after we've got home. On the way home is not the time to extract information.

And yes, sit together and do something - so they feel like chatting.

If all else fails, play schools together. I learned all about the procedures for injured children being given first aid the first time we played schools. Seems to have made a big impression on my daughter!

Walking home from school works well for getting them talking.
Asking very specific questions works well too: What did Mrs X talk about in assembly today? and What did you have for lunch today?
We keep a close eye on the school calendar, and use that for leading questions to get them started.

Now I tend to ask, "tell me three things you learned today", which gets them going.

In infant school I actually had the opposite problem, and could never get them to stop talking about their day!

Mine never talk about their day on the way home from school (which is good as I often don't pick them up myself so it's pleasing to know I am not missing High Quality Bonding Time). The best way is to ask them as they are going to bed, mine will talk about anything to postpone bedtime.

dd1 is so vague though she never tells us much, dd2 is my spy who can tell me what's going on in minute detail. and dd3 talks rubbish, she makes it up so whatever she says is best discounted really.

I have heard nothing about year 8 from dd2. A close friend of hers left at the end of year 7 so her mum can't bring me up to date any more on what my own daughter is getting up to

Year 8 parents' evening is in June and it will be interesting to hear what they have to say and whether every day has, in fact, been 'boring'

DS (Year 1) is very law abiding and stories about who has been naughty and what they have done have him effervescent with righteousness.

Also what they played in the playground.

Surprisingly informative about who had what in their lunch pack.

Reading/writing/science/Maths - all a bit boring apparently.

We have a ritual over dinner where we take turns to ask everyone what their favourite part of the day was. Okay, so most of the time we get "lunch" or "playing with X" but we do chat and encourage them to expand ("oh, what were you playing" ... "what did you have at lunch that was so nice") and sometimes get extra info about the school day as a result

Now ds1 is in Year 2 he tells me a bit more about what has happened, but still not masses. Improving all the time though

Anchovy that sounds exactly like my Yr1 ds, his reports are usually prefaced with "something really bad happened".

Yes good ideas here.

I ask them what their fave thing was.

Or what they learned?

If desperate I ask what they had for lunch (they always remember that )

Then I ask what they played and who with and we usually get there.

I also have some knowledge (eg recorder club was today, or netball, or PE etc) so use that.

Mine also all write a diary so they have to think of something for that too