Move Schools/Home School : Help or Hinder anxiety?

[Jellyb39]

Hive mind thoughts needed.

My DC is in Y6, over the years has had many anxieties around school that we have worked on. One big fear has been 'lockdown practice' which is hiding under tables as though there is an intruder -DC has a vivid imagination like me and no doubt in that moment DX brain is telling DC it's real.

We have come a long way however Y6 teacher continues to tell scary and unsettling stories. Another Mum of an older child had warned me he says inappropriate things. Todays unnerving stories include the Solway Firth Spaceman, something about the Cottingley Fairies being evil(?!?!?) and shown gruesome photos of the Shroud of Turin all before 9am. This kept in all day and cried when home.

I am sick of it and ready to change schools or homeschool the last few months of Primary. But on the flipside I know there will be these types of teachers in secondary who feed off the kids attention from those who enjoy the stories.

I know a lot of anxiety work says that avoiding things increases the fears. Is this something DC just needs to learn to ignore or should I prioritise their mental health now and get them out of that situation?

I would prioritise her mental health and get her some professional help at the same time as her staying in school as I agree that she needs to face some of her anxieties and learn to deal with them (especially as she’s 11 years old) and it’s not long until she’ll be an adult, with a job, living independently etc. and she won’t be able to just avoid situations. Has she had a CAHMS assessment or any SEN diagnosis? What has the school being doing to support her? It would be worth having a meeting with the school and the school nurse.

I was (am) sensitive to images and my mum asked the teacher to select posters etc. really carefully as I was terrified (but wouldn’t say anything). I’ve done the same for children at my school (one child had a needle phobia, for example, and couldn’t look at slides of needles).

All it takes is a chat with the teacher. However, I would also investigate the possibility of ASD/ADHD with your DD, as these things can ramp up with the transition to secondary.

I'll have a word with GP.

It's a fine line because as I say another Mum had told me before my DC started the year that this teacher tells kids things that seem inappropriate for that age group (inappropriate in the basic sense of the word). The Shroud of Turin was something more about the blood on it and the Fairies Hoax was a weird spin to tell the kids they were evil Fairies??!!!! And the Solway Firth Spaceman he told them it was a ghost!

DC told me another story at the weekend that they had remembered - the teacher and some friends had bene cycling through the nearby (to us) woods at night. They saw a large black shadowy figure in front of them then they looked and it was gone but they all saw it.

Is there really a need to tell primary school children stories like this in the classroom? There's a bit if gaslighted happening too. The teacher asks if anyone is scared then if someone speaks up he tells them they only need to be scared if he is.

The teacher is not an all round nob, but I definitely think he has very little grasp of children's mental health and appropriateness and would probably privately think my DC needs to toughen up.

He is also a safeguarding lead 🙈

Then you need to go to the headteacher if you have concerns with the teacher. And so do the other parents with concerns too. I think you DD anxiety may worsen if you move her schools. Her friends can help her through this difficult period of time.

CAHMS and school nurse etc may be the best route and these are accessed via the school not the GP. It takes longer through the GP as they don’t really work through this route.

Unfortunately after many years under this headteacher, I have no faith in them making any actual changes and this headteacher has said to my face "kids makes things up" which is quite frankly a scary default attitude from people in such roles and why I feel that changing schools is the best course of action along with advice re:school nurse.

Ultimately because only a handful of children are affected they are not going to see this as a problem. It's also hard to pre-empt what mt DC will find unsettling and in the past it has been things I know they need to learn to cope with but this year it seems the teacher enjoys the attention of telling the kids scary stories- no doubt many of the kids egg him on and enjoy it so I am putting this down to a personality clash rather than vilifying the teacher who I do feel isn't intending to cause major issues but is just ignorant to the effects of their stories not realising how some children internalise their fears until they get home.

This is becoming quite outing if the school was to see but this teacher was brilliant when there was bullying happening and made it his personal responsibility if we had further issues. We didn't and I appreciated him stepping up and being our point of contact, this was before our DC was in their class.

I am reluctant to do anything that looks like an attack on him because it's also not about that.