Teacher has nothing to say about my dd at parents evening

[bissscofff]

Dd attends a local primary school and is currently in year 5. She is greater depth in all subjects, gets on well with friends and classmates and never gets into trouble (sorry not meant to boast, but relevant to the rest of my post). She is happy at school and we've never been pushy parents or asked school to do anything extra with our dd.

We had our second online parents evening last week and the teacher explained what they'd been doing in class and the first few minutes were spent explaining she's doing fine. We asked them if she seems happy with other kids, if she's participating well in class, and the general things to which they replied "yes" without expanding on any of them. We then asked if there's anything she could be working on at home they shrugged their shoulders and replied with a one word "no". We had 4 minutes to spare until the end of the consultation but they decided to end the meeting.

I realise there are other pupils that need the teacher's attention and care more than perhaps dd does, but it just seemed like they didn't know her at all. Surely there is something she can work on as she's not a perfect child. No one is.

Has anyone experienced this, or if there are teachers out there I'd love to know if this is normal.

How long was the appointment? We had our son’s last week in year 9 and had a 5 minute appointment for each subject which seem just right. One I left 1 minute early and most ran to just about the end, one I got cut off! But each one they said positive things, nothing to worry about, lovely lad, that’s all I needed to be honest. I guess your teacher covers maths, English, science etc so 5 mins would have been a bit short but if you had say 10 minutes I think that would cover it?

Having had 3DC go through primary school, all working to greater depth and with no academic or social problems I'd say the better teachers are prepared and always have things to say and the weaker teachers have less to say.

What? It's about the child that's the idea of parents evening.

I’ve been teaching for 20 years at 4 different secondary schools and at no point have I ever had the chance to ‘choose who I want to see’ and as a parent I would be pretty annoyed if I couldn’t see the teacher because my child was doing well.

I feel for you. I’m an ex teacher and was so disappointed with my DD1’s generic parents evenings I started sending my husband from year 3 onwards.

All I wanted was a sense that she was seen and known in the class. Just because a child is quiet shouldn’t mean they are invisible.

tallhotpinkflamingo · Today 12:32

"Sounds like she's very middle of the road, not amazing and not terrible."

If she's working at greater depth she's not exactly middle of the road.

Our daughter is greater depth in everything (ahead of the curriculum outbof school) and well behaved. Our worst parents evenings have been quickly acknowledging her academic ability then going through what the whole class has been learning. Pleasant parents evenings have involved the teachers gushing about how wonderful she is, once a job sharing pair were almost trying to outdo each other with the compliments. The best parents evenings the teachers have just said "you know she does exceptionally well, now what would you like to talk about relating to your DD for ten minutes?", we have spoken about senior school choices, behaviour at home, maths challenge, possible neurodiversity and the teacher has given her advice and opinion on those subjects.

I could be wrong, but my inference from @Bertielong3 's post was that as parents we could choose which teachers we wanted to see at senior (secondary) level. Not that teachers could choose.

That's what we did with ds2, anyway- he is an all-rounder who was only ever interested in taking maths and sciences at A level so as long as he was doing well in, say, History, we saw no need to talk with the history teacher.

I think some year 5 teachers are the plodders! I wouldn’t sweat it. Most teachers are very professional and know their kids. I had one session like this and it felt so weird but didn’t bother too much and then found she was same for all the kids. It wasn’t personal but maybe something was going on in her life and she wasn’t doing well.

I'm sorry but it sounds like you were looking for reasons to be offended there! The year 6 teacher paid your son a delightful compliment and clearly knows him well.

Nearly everyone who has said its fine, and they had easy going, well performing children too has went on to say teachers complimented their child on something or expand on one word answers. I think this was poor of the teacher and they should know their students better at primary level.

yep - I think you are right. Apologies.

I’d say that teacher doesn’t really know anything about your kid and they really let that show. How awful. Sure, it’s the disruptive kids that take the time and the focus, but it’s pretty grim to let the ‘good’ easy-going kids pass by without any notice, how in the name of fuck is that going to motivate them?

After many of these where teachers grinning like crazy people on crack - saying everything good and nodding furiously - I concluded the following:

1. the schools wants to seem like a great school- everyone doing well
2. teachers are avoiding extra work and avoiding having to follow up on anything

dont want give parents any indication of where their child is academically. Keep everyone at same “level” avoids expectations or needs for improvement

Before I figured this out, I thought my child was doing badly, as grinning and body language was disconcerting. told teacher I was hiring a tutor and it was like I set off a bomb. They did not want to start a bunch of mums getting tutors - I got a special phone call telling me it wasn’t necessary.

Everyone at school looking for an easy life.

At secondary school my son was really quiet. I went to parents evening and could tell the teacher had no idea who he was. Also his report card had his name for some of it and someone else's for the rest of it. I stopped going to the meetings after that

I think for next time, maybe go in with some more open questions. What should we be doing at home to support her learning? Rather than do we need to do anything. How does she interact with other children? What sort of contribution does she make in class? so you won't just get a yes or no answer. Prepare two or three open questions about the things that are priorities.

Dd1 was like that. Tbh once they had said "she works hard and does well" there wasn't much else. We often finished her slots at secondary in 2-3 minutes (had 8 minutes)
Dd2 wasn't quite so quick, we normally could find things to say until nearly the end and ds we're normally talking as the screen times out.
Often same teachers.

Agreed.

When I was teaching in secondary, it was most difficult to give interesting feedback on the pupils who were doing well.

Surely you could pick something out to say, though? Like she did a particularly good piece of work on X, she seems especially interested in X, she likes to play with so and so?

I think it’s very dependent on the teacher.

In reception last year DD was similarly thriving and we had a beautiful parents evening where it became clear the teacher really knew every aspect of our child’s quirky personality. Her end of year report made me cry and I’m not a crier!

DD is now in year 1 and the teacher said nothing about her personally at parents evening. Told us all about what the class are learning then when we asked on specifics said she was “fine” in all subjects and “fine” when it came to her friendships. It was super quick. A lot of parents (particularly the boy ones) were given very negative feedback so could have been worse!

I completely hear you. We had the same last week. Even 1 or 2 pointers on what to do more or less of we would have appreciated - we just got "moving along fine with the rest of the class". Just makes you feel like they are invisible (I do understand why and have every sympathy with the schools)

There is no such thing as a 'naughty' child.

Thanks for the excellent responses, appreciate they come from different places and circumstances. Grateful to those from parents and teachers of primary and secondary schools.

Perhaps we'd kind of expected some kind of comment from them that described our dd so we could feel she's understood and a valued member of the class. I won't bore you with what I think her qualities are but it's a shame they weren't picked up by the teacher.

Academically I'm not so worried. We don't live in a grammar area so will probably be going to a comp in secondary school. I do worry however like some of your children she will go unnoticed and ignored.

We had a teacher whose opener at Parent appointments was "Now tell me about X"

Very odd.

Your daughter sounds like she'd make a perfect teacher 😊
Many of us are quiet, super compliant, and studious!