Lunch Box Police & Scary Dinner Ladies...

[MissusH]

I am bloody fed-up - just need a rant about 2 lunch-related issues!!!

Rant #1
DD (age 6) has a packed lunch and the usual content is 2 sandwiches (ham, cheese, tuna etc) on "best of both" bread, a piece of fruit, a flapjack or pot of rice pudding/yoghurt and a small bottle of water. This is enough for her. Very occasionally I will put in a chocolate mousse (low-fat)instead of the yoghurt but this is not the norm.

It cheeses me off when dd gets told off about the chocolate mousse in front of the other children. She gets upset and goes into a panic of I suggest putting anything "non-healthy" in her lunchbox.

I know that the lunch box police need to be aware if children are bringing total junk into school every day but surely a bit of common sense is needed?

Rant #2
She also has a bit of an erratic appetite. Some days she will eat like a horse and others she is happy to graze on small amounts. I no longer worry about this as she is a healthy weight and is in no way malnourished. In fact I think she has the right attitude - she eats when she is hungry, and stops when she is full.

However, the scary dinner ladies insist that if she leaves any of her lunch that she sits back down and eats it. Some days she has spent the entire lunch break in the dining room as she is just not hungry and won't eat all her lunch (is usually one of her grazing days where she has had nibbles at bits of her dinner eg half the yoghurt or apple, few bites of sandwich)

I then get spoken to by the teacher who insists that she must eat at lunchtime so that her "concentration doesn't dip in the afternoon" etc etc. I have calmly explained that if dd is not hungry then there is no point in making her eat. I say that she always has a good breakfast before school and sometimes fruit at play time so this is obviously enough for her. But still the teacher spouts the "must eat" line.

It is now getting to the point that dd is crying before school at the thought of being made to eat at lunchtime "I don't want to go" etc etc.

Do I speak to the teacher yet again or do I speak to the headteacher?

There rants over - feel a bit better now (didn't realsie I had moaned so much though - sorry )

I would speak to the teacher again and tell her your daughter isnow getting distressed about this and that you don't want her to develop a food fetish when at the moment she actually has a healthy attitude to eating.

See what she says and then think about going to the head.

Speak to the headteacher. My DS is the same - sometimes he eats adult portions, sometimes he has the appetite of a sparrow.

I know schools have a duty of care but they also need to take your perspective on board.

I think I would try not to give the choc mousse tbh. I know what you mean about common sense but for one child to have a choc mousse when all the others don't is asking for comment really! And in fact full fat would be better for her - she doesn't need low fat at her age.

With regard to the other issue I would initially have a word with the teacher and explain again that sometimes your DD has grazing days and the pressure being put on her to eat on those days is turning her off school totally which is totally counter-productive.

If the teacher persists then I would write to the head.

Oh that does sound horrid, poor dd. Brings back terrible memories of being made to sit in the dining hall all lunchtime and then apologise to the cook - didn't do anything for my eating habits at all.

Honestly, are they trying to give your dd an eating disorder? Keeping her in unless she eats when she's already full is plain stupid, and cruel. And humiliating her about a chocolate mousse is ridiculous. They clearly do not have the faintest clue about healthy eating and are just making it up as they go along.

I would protest further - and I would be tempted to go to the head since discussions with class teacher haven't gone any further. I'd write to the head asking for a meeting and outlining your concerns - have a look on eatwell.gov.uk (Food Standards Agency) and google British Dietetic Association to arm yourself with reliable info.

You could suggest they ask their local Primary Care Trust to bring in a dietitian to look over their policies and practice (NOT a nutritionist, no guarantee anyone using that title is properly trained).

This would cheese me off to the point of going over the teacher/dinner ladies' head. They can't generalise. In one instance you can argue they are culturing a group of people with a potentially eating disorder by going on about a treat like chocolate mousse, on the other they are "forcing" them to eat all of it!!!? They are obviously implementing some half day training they got on the subject and is making a complete mess of it. Can you collect dd for lunch?

At my DCs school they have to put the uneaten stuff back in the lunchbox and bring it home - can you suggest that? You could dress it up by saying that you will then at least get to see what they have and haven't eaten and gauge whether you are giving them the right amount.

I sympathise re the uneven appetite thing as my DS does that. I deffo agree that as long as they are eating a base-line of enough it is the right way to be. Sometimes DS will even stop half way through his pudding and say he does not want any more. Learning to "obey" your appetite like that is an invaluable skill, and, to be frank, one I do not have!

Wise words, all

marmaduke as far as I am aware the school does not have a concrete policy regarding allergies - we tend to have a letter for individual cases (usually peanuts iirc) although the school handbook states packed lunches should have a "healthy balance" and that crisps & chocolate bars should not be brought in for playtime. I feel that as 2 thirds of dd's lunch is healthy then a small pot of chocolate mousse is not so bad. Will make mental note never to buy such products again !!

Think an appointment is in order.....

I'm the same anchovy!! I envy her control and could seriously learn some lessons from her... another reason why I am fine about what she eats!!

They do have to bring back any uneaten food so I do know what she normally eats - it's just the days that she is not hungry that are causing the problems.

Anchovy - my DSs do that. DS2 stopped halfway through a Magnum ice cream last week and said he didn't want any more. I could never do that!!

MrsH I don't think they should make her eat - I would have a real issue with that.

I do think you should stop with the chocolate mousse though. I think the lunchbox police are a bit much too, but they are for sound reasons and I just give the chocolate mousse (etc!!) to them at home. I wouldn't want to undermine the school or put my DCs in an awkward position and though my DSs are scrawny little things, we do have an obesity epidemic on our hands and the healthy schools thing has to exist for the greater good, I think.

I would go straight to the head if DS's school where 'making' him eat anything he didn't want to eat and penalising him for not being hungry and keeping him in the dining hall all through lunch break. Do they make all the staff eat all their lunch too regardless of whether they are hungry or not?!

That a child should be made to eat everything an adult has given them is ridiculous and draconian and borders on bullying imo.

They should be giving children control over their eating, stopping when you are full is good, clearing your plate with a struggle when you aren't hungry is bad. No exceptions.

I would insist it doesn't happen again. In fact, I feel so strongly about this that I would withdraw DS from that school if they carried on in this way regardless of my views and requests.

They can't 'force' a child to eat. It is cruel and unwise. I would go to the head about it. Teacher is obviously intimidated by scary dinner ladies too, she should tell them to butt out.