Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

Original poster

Did we make a mistake??

24 replies

Summerbornhelp · 04/02/2025 15:25

DS is summer born - late August.

I didn't realise that deferring was a thing and wasn't made aware of it by the preschool of the adjoining school he was going to attend.

He struggled to settle in reception and joined Y1 September 2024. He seems like he can keep up but is struggling in areas but overall (according to his parents evening) where he needs to be.

My worry is that he is becoming more and more reluctant to go to school, cries most morning and evenings and says he can't do the work. He's worried and just not emotionally ready I don't think, his peers are all 6 now and he is still 5.

Are there any success stories of children being held back a year?

I'm about to start a conversation with his teachers about him possibly restarting Y1 in September when he is more ready?

Any advice would be much appreciated

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Mamaspice89 · 04/02/2025 15:58

I sometimes wonder this about my August summer born DS who is in year 1. Slightly behind in all areas and have been told he is not ready for the academic side of school and just wants to play. I’m hoping he catches up soon but it’s disheartening to hear that he is behind and immature. He is, however, v happy to go to school every day

Original poster

Summerbornhelp · 04/02/2025 16:32

@Mamaspice89 thank you for your reply. Have you ever considered asking for him to re do nursery and start again?

I just feel like my son is in the same situation, he's just not ready for the academic side although he can do some of the work, he's struggles.

I don't want this for him, to always feel like he's behind and for it to be a real struggle academically.

OP posts:

Original poster

Summerbornhelp · 04/02/2025 16:33

@Mamaspice89 redo reception not nursery x

OP posts:

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 04/02/2025 16:37

Former teacher here, some summer borns are more ready than others. If your DC is getting anxious and you can do something about it then why not ask the question. Not all schools are helpful, I hope you get the answers you need.

MinnieMowse · 04/02/2025 16:43

I get it. My ds has lots of summer borns in his class for some reason and there was a huge range of readiness for school. Some of them still look so tiny and young…. Because they are!

I’d definitely talk to school, my worry would be mentally scarring dc having to redo the year which he hated first time around!

my dc whilst “young” would have felt humiliated and dreadful if he was moved down from his friends.

Instead you could focus on really “bigging him up”? My ds cried a lot in the start of y1 but he has grown in confidence with a lot of cheerleading from his class’s teacher and TA and us at home. No more tears and once he told me he is enjoying maths and phonics because now it is easy.

So maybe he will settle ?

LlamaDrama20 · 04/02/2025 16:44

DS2 is now 22 (!) but was like this. August born. Don't think deferring was even a possibility at that point.
He couldn't cope with school at only 4+ years, despite having been in nursery previously. I was often called into class after all the other parents had collected their children from the gate, only to find him asleep on the cushions in the book/quiet corner!
He missed/ didn't retain a lot of the early building blocks for reading/maths etc and was always playing catch up. Often cried and didn't want to go to school.
We actually moved him to a private prep with small class sizes, which helped a little and made him less stressed.
He was later diagnosed with dyslexia which also explained some of the early problems, but given a chance I would definitely have held him back a year.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/02/2025 16:49

So are you hoping they'll move him down to Reception for the rest of the year? I imagine that would be hugely detrimental to his sense of self worth if not handled incredibly well. Similarly being left behind when his mates move up and he's left behind.

How did he cope in Reception? If he kept up with the maths and phonics etc in reception, then repeating will be tedious.

Personally I'd focus on what specifically he is struggling with and help with that along with school. Why doesn't he want to go? How are his friendships?

LlamaDrama20 · 04/02/2025 16:52

Yes, check that it's not something else happening, with him saying 'can't do the work' as an excuse.
There can be a huge physical difference in size between boys at this age too, and my DS was conscious he couldn't run as fast/ was less good at football etc which was denting his confidence and self-esteem.

JeMapellePing · 04/02/2025 16:52

DS end of August baby. Was teeny. Is now in Y13 and doing OK (= very well, high achieving, doing 4 science A'levels). He also has ASD that complicated his journey and I would have held him back (by not joining school) if i could have done at the time when he was 4 (I looked into it and couldn't without going private which wasn't an option for us). Once they've started, though? I think it would be too difficult if you keep him in the same school (issues with peers, self esteem blah blah). If you change school (a whole host of new issues) then maybe. Agree with others though: very hard to know what he is struggling with at school. Can he tell you? Talk to the school as well. Good luck.

saywh4tnow · 04/02/2025 17:09

I have a late August born and I can really relate to you feeling like this in year 1. Mine is now in year 8 and is so much happier. I'm so glad we didn't defer. I do appreciate it's easy for me to say that with the benefit of hindsight but honestly lots of children struggle in the early years of primary school and gradually it all starts to fall into place for them. It seems like all the other children are 6 but honestly they are not... there will be an even split of older children and summer borns and the teachers are very aware of this mix. There will also be older children who are struggling to be there.

If overall your child is where they need to be then at this stage there's no need to worry or put any pressure on yourself and him, he's only year 1 and a lot changes by year 6. Just focus on helping him feel more comfortable leaving you and going into school, it does come eventually.

There's no way I would try and do year 1 again, he will be so bored and will be playing with much younger cohort.

Original poster

Summerbornhelp · 04/02/2025 17:10

Thank you all so much for replying.

I believe his friendships are ok from what he tells me, obviously I don't see this in the playground. I do notice at drop offs his friends run to each other and shout of him to join in but he won't leave me? It's not like he isn't being included. It's the same with after school activities, he's just not interested.

He did ok in reception, he also did the Pre-school so he knew some of his peers prior to starting but was tired and maybe a little overwhelmed at times, but I thought this was a normal part of starting school.

I understand about people saying that he might feel humiliated by repeating a year, I get that completely and would hate to dent his self esteem but I don't want him to lack confidence going forward because he doesn't feel able.

In a nutshell I want the best for him and for him to thrive as we all do as parents.

I can't seem to shake the feeling it would be better for him in the long run to repeat a year but maybe I'm wrong.

I have reached out to the school and asked that we have a meeting. I'd like to hear their perspective and maybe if it is something in particular he is struggling with come up with a plan to help.

OP posts:

Platitudejk · 04/02/2025 17:14

The academic side might be fixed by dropping back a year. But wont necessarily fix the dislike of school. That is more common in ND children.

My ðeferred child liked up to y2 then has disliked going in. Her friend also one of the oldest dislikes it a lot too.

redkestrel · 05/02/2025 13:35

We have two summer born DC. One has dropped down a year and one hasn't. Happy to go into more detail by PM but am interested to hear from parents in a similar situation, were there any big negatives? I'm thinking more in terms of later, when starting secondary or 11+?

BingBongBoo86 · 05/02/2025 22:00

Join the Facebook group - Flexible school admissions for summer borns. Lots of advice and some parents who might have had similar concerns as you. The school would have to be on board for your son to repeat Y1.

AnnaAkhmatova · 05/02/2025 22:11

My daughter was a late August child. She was shyer than some of the other children and I think that support in terms of helping less confident children to join in and feel part of a group can help a lot. It is worth asking if there are specific areas where you can help support your child's learning at home. (NB my daughter ended up doing very well indeed academically.)

SerenStarEtoile · 05/02/2025 22:23

It’s a difficult one unless he can/the school can give you more specific information.

I agree that if he is keeping up with maths and phonics then I wouldn’t be too worried about the rest. However, I would like to know if there is any differentiation being done in class because it would be good for him to be achieving rather have work marked with lots of corrections.

Perhaps you could find out what they will be covering next term and get some idea of how you can help at home.

Thedownstream · 06/02/2025 10:56

Is your son keen on playing sports? Something to consider if you held him back a year is he would need to play in any out of school sports team in his correct age cohort (I.e. with the year above). He therefore wouldn’t be able to play in a football team (for example) with his new year group friends.

I have a very sporty summer born DC) not deferred and so this is what always pops into my mind when I see these threads.

BingBongBoo86 · 06/02/2025 20:02

Thedownstream · 06/02/2025 10:56

I have a very sporty summer born DC) not deferred and so this is what always pops into my mind when I see these threads.

You can apply for dispensation to the FA for a child to play with their ‘adopted’ cohort. Other sports, such as swimming and gymnastics organisations, usually group children from 1st January.

Hihosilver123 · 08/02/2025 10:08

Most local authorities won’t allow this unless there are exceptional reasons such as significant SEN. Essentially it means they would have to fund an additional year of education. It would also depend on whether there is a space for your child in the current Reception cohort as numbers can’t go over 30.

worth a conversation but research shows it can be detrimental to a child to be kept down when their peers move up.

SinkToTheBottomWithYou · 08/02/2025 10:20

Speaking as someone who skipped a year (not in the UK), I would be really mad at my parents if they held me back.
Being younger than my cohort felt like I had « gained » a year of my life that I could use for whatever I wanted (gap year, study, earn money, etc) and I would have hated the opposite.

TeddyBeans · 08/02/2025 10:21

If I had been born a day later, I would have been in the year group below. Mum constantly tells me how my first few years were difficult and she fought my corner a lot when I was being compared to 5 year olds when I was only just 4 etc. By the time I was in middle school and we were split into ability levels, I was higher than a lot of my peers and finished my GCSEs with better grades than a lot of my friends. The first few years are tricky but when they start to get into the swing of things, it does become a whole lot easier!

The other thing to take into consideration is there's no legal way to keep them in their adopted year group (so an authority later on could decide that they need to revert to their original year group) which would mean losing an entire year of their education. This would be devastating at the beginning of high school for example. I would think carefully before deferring, especially if he's making progress

May09Bump · 08/02/2025 10:32

My friend's daughter got moved down a year - wasn't coping with any aspect of school - no SEN, she was fine when moved and worked well. This was private school - it is now impacting sports as has to play with her age group. Overall there was no other option.

However, I see you LO is keeping up academically - I'd ask teachers if there are any strategies to help him enjoy going to school more. Are you doing playdates, etc - building bonds. In the end you have to go with your gut and you know your child best.

The only negative implications my friend has faced is sports play and she found it hard moving between private schools as some just didn't accept deferral students. With state, we also knew another child who did this and made no impact - he didn't enjoy large classes, no obvious SEN. Just the noise from 32 children impacted his ability to learn.

CharSiu · 08/02/2025 10:42

DH is a summer born, he went to state primary and then an independent school. He took his A levels when he was 16 and got all A grades including further maths. I’m also a summer born and was fine at school, though sadly not genius levels like DH.

Platitudejk · 08/02/2025 16:34

The state curriculum already moved all kids forward by several years.
If 1/3 kids fail maths there is no point taking it at 15 rather than 16 if you might have passed.
Dp failed english at 16y0 so retook it and passed.Its one extra thing to do during alevels too.
I passed but with a C (when every other subject a B or higher. ) Im August.

Flip