Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Seeing head about unresolved bullying (year one)

20 replies

dinny · 06/05/2008 20:10

dh and I going in this week - what can we say to make the head take proper action to stop this playground bullying of our dd by one girl (excluding, mainly)

teacher has taken steps - spoken to the girl, note to parents - but nothing changes

I have posted about this before, sorry, getting desperate now

OP posts:
LIZS · 06/05/2008 20:12

no advice but sorry to hear it is still an issue.

Original poster
dinny · 06/05/2008 20:13

am really at wits' end, LIZS

OP posts:
Stripteasle · 06/05/2008 20:15

How is your DD feeling about the whole thing?

barking · 06/05/2008 20:17

Don't know if the following is of any help but have you wrote a letter to the head (and kept a copy)? I think it means it becomes an official complaint that he/she then has to acknowledge and take action
Have you talked to the governors?
Last resort but worked for a very good friend of mine who's daughter was bullied by one girl for nearly 2 years on and off is invite her around for tea - it turned everything on its head and they are now friends - killing the enemy with kindness!

Original poster
dinny · 06/05/2008 20:19

hi Teasle - dd isn't upset as in crying, but just shrugs and says it makes her feel sad when she can't play

Barking - haven't written to the Head yet, should we do that before we demand to see her?

OP posts:
Hassled · 06/05/2008 20:19

Have you seen the school's Bullying Policy? Can you identify things that the policy states they will do in a case like yours, but haven't done? It does sound like the teacher is doing all the right things and it's hard to suggest a next step - except maybe you talking to the bully's parents?

My only other thought is that you could ask if the girl and your DD could be in different classes in Year 2.

You have all my sympathies - girls can be vicious to each other, and my DD's Junior School years were scarred completely by a couple of girls.

Grav1 · 06/05/2008 20:20

Unfortunately barkings's last resort did not work for my dd and the situation actually got worse for a while.

nell12 · 06/05/2008 20:21

Take copious notes throughout the meeting

Demand that something is done within a set timeframe (ie by half term) On the day, book another meeting for the ste date to discuss how things have been going.

Ask for another person to be there to minute the meeting. Copy of the minutes to be sent to the Governors if things are not resolved.

Original poster
dinny · 06/05/2008 20:21

Hassled:

the bully's parents tried to intervene last year and it hasn't worked - haven't approached them again as it's frowned on by the school

the school is only one form per year

thank GOD we are leaving here after her Year 2, but I just don't want to subkect dd to this for another year

OP posts:
Original poster
dinny · 06/05/2008 20:22

Grav, yes - when this girl was made to apologise to dd last year by her parents, she was nice to her for about 3 weeks, before it started again

OP posts:
Original poster
dinny · 07/05/2008 11:46

right, saw dd's teacher this morning and she witnessed the girl being horrible to dd in class yesterday - we are seeing the teacher and the head tomorrow morning (and the deputy head too, I think)

ideas what measures they should be taking? thanks, Dinny

OP posts:
Grav1 · 12/05/2008 15:00

Hi Dinny. Sorry I have been offline since thursday and wondered how your meeting went.

pofaced · 12/05/2008 15:16

IME notes to parents aren't much use: the issue is how the child behaves/ is allowed behave in school. The parents may be lovely and horrified at their dd's behaviour or complete monsters who think your dd deserves it but one way or another they can't enforce acceptable behaviour when they aren't there. In my DDs' school (similar issues as yours) the head did the following: 1)said the rule was the answer to the question "can I play" is always yes; 2) sent my dd and the "bully" on errands together and allocated them complementary roles so they had to talk; 3) spoke directly to the bully; 4) class teacher kept the bully and her acolytes separate eg if looking for 2 volunteers would never choose 2 of the bullies; 5) absolutely made sure the bully and her friends never sat at same table/ in same row.

I'd caution against inviting the bully home: if she's half as unpleasant as some of the ones I've encountered, all you do is bring the nastiness into your DD's sanctuary

Also IMHO, as mother of girls aged 11, 9 & 8, exclusion is the nastiest form of bullying and does huge damage to confidence/ self-worth/ self esteem: keep on the case and good luck

Original poster
dinny · 12/05/2008 22:28

thanks for the posts, an update:

dh and I met with the head, deputy head, and class teacher last week. they were very positive and have implemented the following:

  1. sticker system in class - a big sticker chart whereby each child has a happy of sad-face sticker to put on the chart each day after playtime. then the reasons why anyone might have had a sad play are discussed and sanctions taken if any exclusion etc
  1. verbal reminders before play that it is each and everyone's responsibility to make sure their classmates have a good playtime
  1. "playground pal" system - stickers awarded for kind behaviour at playtime, with those earning enough stickers being a "playground pal" - of which there are two - each week, and wearing a special T-shirt.
  1. monitoring of dd/the bully by me and the teacher - the teacher keeping an eye on dd and getting her to talk about playtime when using the sticker system, and me reporting any probs to teacher
  1. review in 3 weeks, with head, dep head, teacher, me and dh

also said any further problems with the bully girl would be subject to disciplining procedure

I was impressed - they have started the sticker system yesterday, all the kids really excited. the sticker system/playground pals is going to happen across the whole school, if a success in our class. what does everyone think?

OP posts:
Original poster
dinny · 12/05/2008 22:29

sorry, happy OR sad face stickers!

btw, the teacher has broken up the bully and clique within the classroom already

OP posts:
madrose · 12/05/2008 22:34

It sounds good, the school are trying, and it could be the answer. Fingers crossed.

Original poster
dinny · 12/05/2008 22:36

yes, their take on it was that whilst they will deal with each separate instance of bullying behaviour by X, they want to change her behaviour and nip any similar behaviour in the bud. makes sense to me. hope it works

don't think dd is the only victim of X either

OP posts:
Grav1 · 13/05/2008 08:57

It is brilliant that the school are being so positive to stamp this behaviour out and it is encouraging that they seem to be using a system that is fun for the kids. It is also good that the school seem to want to try to change the behaviour of x as this should help her in the long term as well. I wish I had had a ht with such a positive attitude when my dd was having problems.

Original poster
dinny · 13/05/2008 11:46

hope it works, Grav

actually, it was the sort of brainchild of the deputy head mainly...

think X is the sort of child who will (hopefully!) respond to reward system

will keep you posted...

OP posts:
Grav1 · 19/05/2008 21:37

How are things going Dinny?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page