Reception falling out and birthday party

[Babybrain26]

Our son is friends with another kid in his class (he's a bit older) and seems to be quite controlling of him. In October his friend starting telling him that he couldn't play with them (and small group of 3 friends) thankfully the other kid stood up for him and played with him. This went on for a few week or so I believe until he told me what was happening, I then mentioned it to the teacher (not naming the child involved) the teacher and assistant caught them out though in the playground and told him not to act like that.

It happened again in class a few days later when he took items from his desk and started shouting at our son in class, the teacher told him to apologise and put him out of the class. All of this had died down for a good few months until we saw the child at the weekend in a club close to us and he was there with his grandma (whom I didn't know) my son spotted him instantly, seemed OK, the other kid was smiling at him but he was settled at another table with other people who I assumed he knew so I didn't interrupt. I asked my son if he wanted to sit beside him and he said no, I said ok then (he was tired tbh and is very shy generally). I had to pop out to take him and his sibling to the bathroom. We settled in another part of the room and the kid passed us so I said hello and he blanked me (not that i was worried, just thought it strange.) The grandma just sat on the sideines anyway, come Monday the kid started isolating our son again, pointing out differences with his peers. On the Tuesday he shouted at him not to line up with the others and to go away. Our son ended up crying at this. The teacher walked with him to find out what was wrong, he lied and said he was just missing his parents. At pickup they told us he had been crying but they didn't really know why. At home he told me why so I informed the teacher. She said she would speak to the other kid the next day. She then updated me the following day to say she had phoned the parents to encourage him to use kind words with his peers (I'm not sure if my son's name was mentioned or not specifically). We have a class birthday party to attend next week and his parents will be there. I'm not sure if we should still go, or if we do how I should handle this. (I'm not one for confrontation). It seems awkward now.

Why would you confront his parents? There's a whole world of possibilities between "avoiding being in the same space as them" and "confrontation", including"awkward chit chat avoiding the topic" or "speaking to them politely and calmly about it".

If it's the whole class with at least one parent each, presumably it will be easy enough to not speak to them if you don't want to.

Or you could just talk to them and acknowledge it, "A is really upset that B doesn't seem to want to be friends any more".

Or you could say "I know the teacher talked to you about this, do you think there's anything we can do as A really likes B being his friend"

Besides which - if they're both there, then you and his parents can see how your kids interact, and pick up on it there and then. If they see it, then they can address it more effectively with their DS.

Not going seems like an over reaction, but so does a confrontation.

Go to the party. Make polite chit-chat with the parents. That's really all there is to it. No need to make drama where there isn't any.

You are going to have YEARS of this sort of stuff, so if you pull your son from this party he may end up missing lots of future parties too.

Put your big girl pants on, and show up for your son. Go, be polite, let your little one enjoy the party with his classmates.

No need to confront, or even speak to the parents. it will be busy and everyone will be occupied. The parents may come and say something to you if they know. If they do, then you could perhaps have a very brief chat about how to support both children going forward. I would go to the party and just enjoy it without saying anything to anyone, unless I was approached by the other parent. I would watch the interactions of both children, both with each other, and with all the other children.

There's no need to ‘confront’ anyone! Attend the party, make polite social chitchat. Continue to liaise with the teacher if there are further incidents.

You are overthinking this in so many ways. They are both reception age children, so that fact that one is "older" is not important. As for a 4 or 5 year old "blanking" you, a random adult he barely knows, when you walk past...you are being oversensitive.

Bring your son to the party, chat to all the other parents, and if you think this child is trouble advise your son to play with other kids instead. Don't confront anyone.

Just go to the party and not worry about it. As long as school are dealing with it, do not get involved with speaking to the parents etc and dont let it stop you attending things.

My DS and a friend (a close friend) are going through some issues at school. She's verbally having a go at him a lot about everything he does and he got frustrated and hit out at her once or twice over the last year. Both children are in the wrong!! She shouldn't verbally have a go at him and my DS should not be resorting to responding physically. Both children are working on their respective issue at lashing out.
We are still on speaking terms with the dad (parents separated) and understand kids go through phases. It doesnt stop us attending parties, sports, clubs etc as that would then be punishing whichever child got left out.....and both children are in the wrong currently

You must take him to the party. Ignore the other parents with the exception of social
Pleasantries if required. You said the child was pointing out differences what do you mean by that? Is there some explaining that needs to be done by someone?

I'm trying to word this so that I don't come across rude as I certainly don't mean to, I'm quite an anxious person and have always taken things to heart.
Having said that, you've mentioned they're in reception? If that's correct, I think you should just let it go over your head and get on with it, go to the party and act normal 🤷🏻‍♀️
They're so young, unfortunately this is going to happen throughout your child's school years and it's your job to help him deal with these things. It's not ideal particularly if this child grows up and gets worse, bullying behavior is never ok and it's a shame it ever happens, but it does, therefore it's our job to equipt our kids with the tools they need to deal with this sort of thing.
I really don't think it needs to be taken too seriously at this age though. Could be wrong!

Stay strong, Mama x

This type of stuff will happen for years to come. My son ended up best friends in years 5 to 6 with a boy who used to 'bully' him in years 1 to 4. They became inseperable. Kids act like this, it's part of their development. The best thing to do is teach your son resilience and how to come back at a bully, by laughing if they say something unkind for example. He will need to learn to deal with unkind people, bullys, nasty words said to him and people being cliquey and it's hoe you teach them to overcome this that will help them all the way through their lives. So go to the party and arm your son with some ways to deal with it. Such as in the line up, he could have said 'you don't oen the line, I will stand where I want to'. I always tell my children to laugh at a bully, it puts them off guard, you might have a different tactic but to walk away and cry is just feeding thrm ammunition. As for the parents, I am sure they have had words with their son and he is still only young hinself and figuring out how to deal with his own feelings, including negative ones. The best thing you can do is to teach your son resilience and ways to cope with these types of situations

Youngsters need resilience more than ever in today's world sadly. I actually think they should formally teach it in primary.

I would have a word with the teacher . But remember kids fall out then make up very quickly and forget about it ( especially boys ) It is important that your din shies he he is not bothered ( even though he is ) your son crying will give this child a power boost and will encourage him to do it more .

This child is acting out behaviour he has seen at home . I wouldn't say anything g to the child but a very stern look from you may do the trick. It worked when my son was being bullied at Infant and Junior School.

YABU for not giving the School the child’s name the first time you told them and for considering keeping your child away from a class party when he’s done nothing wrong.
Go to the Party. Talk to/get to know other class children’s parents. Widen your son’s circle, don’t shy away from it. Keep on at the School about resolving these issues, it’s their job.

You really must take him to the party if he wants to go. If his 'friend' is being like this then he needs more than ever to mingle with the other kids in his class and realise that there are plenty of other children who'll be kind to him.

As pp have said there really doesn't need to be drama or confrontation with the other parent. Just stay out of their way. If you're forced into conversation just mention none-confrontationally what has been going on. 'My child says your child has been doing x/y/z. It's so hard isn't it when they're this age because they're all still learning and we only get half stories. I've told him to find other people to play with if anyone is being unkind to him which I hope you understand. He really likes your child so I do hope they can figure things out'

In the nicest way OP you'll need to develop thicker skin and take things less personally. There's going to be several years of this so strap in...

This. You have to learn to pick your battles or you’ll be talking to the teacher pretty much every day for the next 7 years.

So we went to the party and the other kids parent approached me about it and said the teacher had rold them it was our child that was upset. The parent said it wasn't like their child and that he had been getting over a chest infection. She did apologise and said theyd took away his ipad for 2 days. Then she asked me was our son sensitive? I just tried to play the situation down and said i didn't think much of it as they were so young still. (but I was a bit shocked though it was brought up as it was 2 weeks ago and they've been playing since). Anyway they went on to tell their other mum friend what had happened. I was chatting to another parent and then when food was being served she came over made a big deal about my son getting his food (took another kids meal) and tried to move another child so that my son could sit beside her kid, the other mum went and got a chair and pushed it in between the two kids. I'm not sure if this was them trying to make a deal or trying to make up tbh. It seemed out of place though to me. Following this, anytime I spoke to another parent she followed me over and took over the conversation. The teacher has been off on leave/sick since the phone call happened also. My son told me that other kids ask them to be his friend but then this kid pulls him back and doesn't let him go to them. He says one other kid shouts at this kid when he's mean to our son. The rest of the class are great. I'm not going to mention things again if I can help it, I'm just hoping it blows over otherwise it's going to be a difficult 7 years.

Have no idea what this update means, sorry. It’s incomprehensible.
Glad you are letting it go though.

Sounds like the boy’s Mum was overcompensating at the party and making a big show of how she was including your DS. And also keeping an ear out in case you were talking about her DS bullying your DS - which you weren’t, so I’d quietly note her as a bit of a pita, but just carry on as you are, being pleasant and polite. Other parents will know what she’s like and I expect some eye rolling behind her back if she deals with friendship issues like this every time.

ETA your update was perfectly comprehensible, don’t worry.

Honestly? You need to take a step back. You’ve got years of this to come. Kids go through all sorts of friendship issues throughout their schooling. Encourage and coach your child, give them strategies, and talk to the school if it’s something more significant. You’ll wear yourself out if you give this much airtime to every fallout!

I would go and just say hi if they do

This

Let it go and move on.
You're massively over-thinking this.
You will find that you can't control your child's friendships and neither should you try to do so.
I think any further action on your part will be hugely detrimental to all involved

The other boy’s mum sounds a bit odd, over the top and over-confident with you.
Just keep talking to school when necessary and keep a polite distance from this mum.

My child has just told me that a few weeks ago, he was hit by this kid. No adults were aware evidently but another classmate shouted at the child. The teacher has been off since the phonecall was made to the parents. I'm not getting involved any further.