Feeling bad about not going on a school trip.

[Cosmod]

I was asked on Friday, and the trip is this coming Thursday. I feel bad enough saying no, but I also don’t understand why I wasn’t asked earlier? Surely if it’s so important that I have to go, they would organise it earlier? It said nothing about parents accompanying in the info letter.
I work in the daytime during school hours and have my rota a week in advance, and I’m not able to go! they said they ‘pick parents randomly’ to decide which ones are coming, which is a bit strange to me?
I don’t think it’ll stop my daughter from going on the trip, but I still feel awful saying no! And I being silly or is it all just a bit unorganised and last minute

I’ve been a primary parent for 9 years and I can’t remember any trip where parents were asked to go at all. If they do need parent helpers, it should be volunteers. Of course they can’t expect working parents to take time off! Please do not worry about it. There’s nothing they can do and of course it won’t affect your child going or in any other way.

Do they mean they pick parents randomly from those who have said they can help, to ensure it isn’t always the same parents who go?

What sort of trip is it?

Not sure why you wouldn't go, if you have time.

I went on a couple. DCs and I have some great memories. It was also good to get an idea of what the teacher and the other kids were like.

It’s fine - you have work and can’t. I assume you told them you have work you can’t change, rather than just saying no? You have nothing to feel bad about.

It says right there in the OP that sh has to worked.

Mystery solved.

They probably just mean if they get more volunteers than they need then they’ll choose randomly. Loads of people won’t be able to do it at short notice, I’m sure lots won’t want to do it even if they’re free and they obviously don’t need a parent per child hence the bit about choosing randomly. It won’t stop your daughter going so don’t worry about it and definitely no need to feel bad!

Yes. The same where I taught. You wouldn't ask people randomly at short notice.

@Trolleysaregoodforemployment that attitude is why a lot of schools don’t like parent volunteers, especially volunteers in their own child’s class.

When children are put into groups on school trips some teachers will put parents into a group that doesn’t include their child so they will give each child the same amount of attention and not just concentrate on their own

Does your dd need you specifically?

It's crystal clear I work in the daytime during school hours and have my rota a week in advance, and I’m not able to go!

Of course you shouldn't feel bad, OP. The school should have asked for volunteers way sooner, not 'randomly' asked working parents.

I've been a primary teacher and a primary school parent.
I expect the reason they asked you/ do the random names from a hat thing is because lots of parents are eager to go but they can only fit a certain number on the coach/ deal with a certain number of parents. Are there some competitive alpha parents in your kids class? Likely they go on every trip, annoy the shit out of the teachers and complain loudly if they are not invited.
I wouldn't give it another thought.

You just say no I can’t go and they’ll ask someone else. No big deal.

I remember when my kids were at primary school. They did definitely expect parents to accompany them on school trips (sometimes) when they were under 8 ... After that not so much.. Arthog was when they were 10. They definitely didn't take parents then.

I remember going on a school trip with mine when they were 6 and 7. I had two other kids dumped with me. They weren't even friends with my two daughters. And I didn't know their parents or anything. (Their parents weren't there obviously.) They brought no packed lunch with them and no money, and the teachers didn't even check if they'd got any food - or money!

So me and my 2 DD had to share our food with them. I also ended up spending about £20 on them as well. (£10 each.) On things they wanted/needed during the day. (8.15am to 5pm I had them with me and my 2 DDs.) This was about 20 years ago. I was not impressed. Having other peoples kids dumped on me, who I didn't even know. I'd got my own two to look after. I wish I had spoken up at the time and just refused, but I didn't so that's that. I think was blindsided and so that's why I didn't speak up... But I was really angry about it afterwards.

I think about 7-8 parents should have come along and only 5 turned up. Having to look after 2 children who were strangers ruined my day to be honest, and my 2 DD weren't impressed either. The children barely spoke to any of us. (Despite me trying to engage with them multiple times.) My DD said 'mom, why do they have to be with us?' I told them that their parents hadn't turned up, and the teachers (and the 4 other parents who had turned up) were already looking after 3-4 children each, and these children couldn't be alone.

I didn't even know these children and just had the teacher say, 'Mrs Sabre, Hannah and Lucy are with you and your 2 girls,; and then she fucked off and left me with them. I never went on another fucking school trip! Yeah I know it wasn't the fault of the 2 children, but I was still entitled to be pissed off.

Absolutely do not go @Cosmod . They have only asked you 3-4 working days in advance. Some schools behave like councils and housing associations with their social housing tenants. The staff assume most people don't work. and just send their workmen around randomly when they choose. There's no advance warning. Assuming you'll be in. The schools are often the same, assuming all - or most mothers don't work. (Or that they have such a trivial job that they can just favour the school's activities, and not turn in to work!)

I agree, I'm sure it's this. It's almost certainly just an invitation, not an expectation that you'll go.
At my kids' school, parents were never invited to my knowledge. I can see that they might sometimes want parent volunteers, but I'm sure that can lead to competitive parents wanting to control things, or unwittingly spoiling their children's experience by hovering and fussing over them.

Having other kids 'dumped on you' is the whole reason for having parent volunteers i.e. to help. You shouldn't have bought their lunch though you should have gone to the teacher.

I already had my own 2 children to look after. 🙄 And I was not forewarned about anything, or asked to have these 2 other children dumped on me. The teacher just said they were going along with me and my 2 for the day, and fucked off and left me with them. No other intervention from the teachers all day. They never bothered to check if we were all OK.

I, and my 2 DD were stuck with them from 8.15am til 5pm when we got back to the school.

I was not a 'parent volunteer.' The slip came with for the school trip, and it said parents can attend if they wish. There was fuck-all on there about being a 'parent volunteer' and the possibility of being landed with other people kids.

I actually found out some time later that I should not have been landed with the care of 4 children under 8, by law. So the school actually broke the law.

As I said, that was the first school trip I went on when my 2 DD were 6 and 7, and the last! I never went on another school trip. Let some other mug take on other peoples kids for 8 fucking hours, share their food with them, and spend half their money on them!

@SabreIsMyFave the point of having parents helping on trips is to look after groups of children not just your child, and as I stated in a previous post some schools won’t pair up parent with their child.

Obviously your DC’s school were in the wrong not to explain your role on the trip and you certainly shouldn’t have had to share your food. Teachers should have checked beforehand that all children had a lunch with them, either from home or from
school. And you should have notified teacher that they didn’t once you realised

Sorry I missed that in my skimming.

My friend was always volunteering for trips, o remember her telling me on one occasion she had 3 kids to look after including one of her own and she managed to lose one of the kids. They found her again though but the parent wasn’t best pleased when she heard about it.

It seemed she just went along to these to enjoy trips with her kid which is fair enough but doesn’t bode well for other kids safety if she’s factored in as a responsible adult.

Bit of a leap there. I don't see what the problem is in getting the measure of your child's teacher and what the class is like. I was definitely not a favored parent but I was lucky enough to get selected to go on a few trips or to fill in at the last minute due to my flexible working hours. The school appreciated that I was discrete, reliable and non judgmental with the children. I always had my child in my group, every parent volunteer was always allocated a group with their own child in it. As for focusing on your own child, it was a state school with a 3 form entry, so pretty big school trips sizes. It just wasn't possible, nor would my children have appreciated the attention. Most of us parents felt the weight of responsibility for supervising other people's children in an unfamiliar setting.

Arseholes Parents in the playground were a far bigger problem than any trip volunteers.

Like I said, great memories.

No one will mind if you say ‘no I’m at work’. I’m very grateful for the parent volunteers we have at school. I am not one of them as I work full time but our school relies on extra help for reading, trips, forest school etc.

"Sorry, I won't be able to help this time as it's very short notice and I can't get time off work."

You could even add that you're willing to help in the future but you need X weeks notice so that you can swap shifts on the work rota. (Or whatever the system at work is).

You should not feel bad about it. They asked. You can't go. They'll now ask someone else.