Worried for 11 year old

[CheekyWolf]

My 11 year old has been having constant nightmares every night for a couple of weeks, he's also not as talkative or he's trying to annoy my other 2 youngest sons, or doing some really naughty stuff.
Anyway i went round to my mums and she told me my 11 year old spoke to her (my mum and 11 year old have always been close) and said he's really worried about the sats that are coming up and starting high school.
He can be very shy and he hasn't had good confidence in himself, but he's a very loving lad and i always get told how polite and caring he is.
But i could seriously cry for him, i failed my sats and was bullied through high school, and he's exactly like i was when i was his age, i can't help but think i've failed him because he might go through what i did and i passed all this on to him (does this make sense?)
I haven't a clue how to calm him down and what to do. Me and my family always tell him that he will be fine, and that we are here for him, but i'm getting worried it might cause mental health problems.
We recently did up his bedroom for him, so he has somewhere to relax and be by himself if need be, also as a gift to cheer him up.
Is anyone else going through the same or have advice?

Sit him down don't let on that you know and say how is he feeling re SATS coming up and going to high school.

My dd went through this and she failed her sats but just be there for him and he is starting puberty as well and I think he just needs some time to just calm down and to refresh himself dose he see his dad ? My ds don’t see his dad and gets really upset because he is living in a house full of girls so that really upsets him and his sats did to

Also his younger brothers could be stressing him out ? So this could link to it

Yeah his dad still lives with us, and just like me he is worried too.
Its such a hard time because he is showing massive signs of puberty.
We do try and keep his younger brothers away when he needs some time, but my 4 year old adores the 11 year old, they are pretty close.
It's just so difficult, we do have talks with him, but like i said he talks to my mum more.
He did a mock test before xmas and he failed, he got so upset.

Makes my blood boil. SATs are unnecessary stress for such young children who haven’t learned the study skills and maturity to take ‘exams’ seriously yet.

I'd sit him down and have a real heart to heart with him. Be as reassuring as you can. Don't mention your own experiences about bullying etc. Cross that bridge if you come to it. Just try to reassure his worries. That he'll do fine in the SATS and if if he doesn't, it's OK. That secondary school might feel overwhelming at first but he'll settle in and make new friends. For now all you can do is reassure him. Any problems that do occur will be dealt with at the time, but don't mention it now.
I completely understand how you feel. My son is one year ahead of yours. He started secondary school in September. I had sleepless nights in the run up to him starting big school. Like you, I was so worried. My son is shy and sensitive and also very anxious. I also had a hard time at school with bullying. But I did also have good times and good friends.
Anyway, I was worried sick about DS starting secondary school. I genuinely thought he wouldn't cope. It's been absolutely fine so far. He's settled in well. He already has a couple of new friends. He's matured. I still do worry about potential bullying in the future but so far all my worries were unfounded. I thought he wasn't ready for secondary school. I thought his anxiety and shyness meant he would collapse in the first weeks but he's doing brilliantly. The teachers love him and he's risen to the challenges.

My youngest is in year 6 - the last 2 years have been horrendous and I believe mostly due to hormones. (She’s always been a little bit of an outsider but happy and confident with it until 2 years ago) her mood swings were terrible, the emotional outbursts, crying for seemingly no reason, not wanting to go to school, arguing with her older sibling, became very avoidant and would hide away in her room the whole day if she could. Very disengaged. She really lost her confidence and would come home nearly every day upset and saying that no one likes her, she has no friends, she’s useless at everything… it’s been heartbreaking

the school recently ran a SHINE programme which may have helped (she’s recently turned a corner and we have our ‘normal’ happy child back so I’m guessing the programme helped some, but she did also start her periods a few months back so this may have also calmed her hormones now?) and she’s had some support sessions with a teaching assistant that helps with emotional support.

There are some apps we tried that might help you - child friendly mindfulness ones, meditation and yoga, breathing and grounding techniques. Check with your local council - ours have online group classes for parents

might not be relevant, but a new teacher a year ago also queried if there’s any autism/adhd going on and we are now a year in to the 3yr waiting list for assessment, this was due to her being withdrawn and easily upset at school (sitting quietly looking sad, not really engaging with others, rather than any disruptive behaviour although her attention span has always been pretty non existent)

as for the SATS, I’ve always just encouraged mine to do their best, practice when they can, but that I’d be proud no matter how they do. I don’t like exams anyway, I’d have a panic attack and go blank for every single one, but would only pass subjects because my coursework mark would carry me through. I find it a little cruel the pressure that’s put on children about exams.

good luck and I hope he settles for you soon

Thank you everyone, i don't feel as alone now.
I have told him not to worry as much, and what ever he gets is fine. He does have extra support if he needs it at school, and the school have started yoga for pe. I might have a look at what yoga or meditation apps there is and join in, hopefully will help both of us calm down a lot.