Should we change schools again?

[PJsAndCosySocks]

My DS attended a brilliant school during his reception year but an opportunity for us to move far away came up and we took it believing that "all would be well" etc. We found a new school for him that offered excellent wraparound care, which was essential for us due to the types of jobs my DH and I have. The other aspects of the school were a bit hit and miss but it was the only local school to offer wraparound so we accepted. Anyway, fast forward 3 months and the school have decided to stop providing wraparound care and the stress it has caused me is greatly affecting my health. There are no childminders available for the area, a private nursery may consider collections but only if enough families opt in and they (the nursery) can choose to cancel the service at their leisure, the school are offering clubs but not consistently and can again cancel them (on the day) and I'm utterly stumped about what to do. I feel like my options are to: contact his previous school and see if he can return and I do a 2 hour round commute (at least) every day or I put him in his third school in 16 months and that can't be good for him or I don't work which would ruin us financially.
My DS is 5 and I only want him to be happy and to have friends. My mum guilt was on fire when we took him out of his first school and now 1 term in, I feel like I'll be giving him a lifetime of social anxiety and trust issues to overcome if I move him again but if he stays there, I'll have to stop working.
I'm really posting to ask what you would do in this situation, I need more outside perspective. Thanks for any helpful replies

What a pain for you!!

Can you reduce hours slightly rather than give up work? Advertise for an after school nanny/au pair? How's he finding the school in general. I think that would affect whether I move heaven and earth to keep him there or find a new place.

I think the 2 hour commute is probably unworkable.

Thank you for your response.

In my heart, I feel that the school's only saving grace was the wraparound care.

My cons are:
*I don't think the school has a solid handle on behaviour,
*my DS has picked up swear words from the older boys when he's been playing football - he doesn't know what he's saying but it was still a shock to hear the f word come out of him in completely the wrong context. He knows that it is a rude word that he shouldn't ever repeat but I think hearing the older boys use it has made him think "I guess it must be alright really because they're using it"
*there's litter everywhere; it never gets picked up
*all dogs are welcome on the school grounds during drop offs and collection and it just seems a disaster waiting to happen - who's liable if a child or adult is attacked by a dog during these times?
*I attended the nativity and parents were allowed to just natter the whole way through. A member of staff came to have a chat with a parent (during the show) about rearranging a meeting and then the meeting just started happening there - I had to lean out to the side awkwardly in order to see past them and keep watching the show; another member of staff kept walking through to go back and forth to the photocopier etc; no member of SLT showed up for the performances - all of this just cries of a really sloppy culture of mutual respect for everybody.
*There is no member of staff manning the school gate at the end of the day. Literally anyone could walk in and any child could walk out.

Pros would be:
He's making friends
I think the school like having him, (he's a nice boy, he's kind, has good manners and he's really interested in learning),

Work wise, I teach so short of a job coming up there (which I'd be very reluctant to take for a host of reasons), I can't reduce my hours to accommodate pick ups. It's either leave teaching altogether (or work at that school)and keep him there (purely because 3 schools in 16 months seems wrong) or I try to forgive myself for this (unforeseen) mess and find a school that is a better fit and which will ultimately allow me to work. I'm supply teaching at the moment whilst I get a sense of the wider area and find a school I'd like to be in full time but in Jan, I'll have to take time off to accommodate the no wraparound care and dip into savings for a while.

The stress of it is consuming all my waking thoughts. This was supposed to be a really positive move for us and at the moment, I feel like I've made the biggest mistake of my life because it's messed up his schooling.

Move him again, somewhere that better fits your needs. He’s a kind boy, is getting on well and at 5, he’ll be adaptable. Then you can focus on your career.

If there are no other options to make this school work then yes you have to do a third school

Absolutely no childminders?

I am sorry you had to send your son to a school that you were not entirely happy with simply because of the child care arrangements - that must have felt uncomfortable, and even more so now that the care is not forthcoming. Have you had a look at the third option? What is it like? Children are quite adaptable and personally I would be taking him out of a school that I had these reservations about anyway, aside from the care arrangements. Do not fall into the trap of thinking you will scar him for life my moving him! We can all only do our best and parental guilt is pointless and destructive.

I would see this as fate handing you a good excuse to remove him from a school that you are not happy with. Some further short term disruption will be worth it in the long run if you can find a more suitable school. Trust your instincts.

Move him. The school does not sound good. At that age he should be able to adapt ok.

If the school is not up to scratch move him again. I'd rather disruption at 5 than spend longer in a school that I didn't think was going to work out long term.

hes only 5, the perfect age for moving to a new school. Go for option 3 where he can make local friends and not have to sit in a car for hours and hours each week.

You can’t possibly do a two hour round trip to the prior school and keep working as a teacher, surely?

Just move him again. He will be fine. Can he go to your school?
As a teacher l have seen children move and settle very easily. Mine also moved during Primary and it worked well. That school sounds horrendous so here is a good opportunity to get a fresh start. It will be OK.

There must be other schools in the area. A two hour commute sounds ridiculous, would that be your school run( so include him) or would you move back? Could your dh share the pick ups?

I know it’s easily done but don’t beat yourself up. You made the best decision at the time with the information you had - ok, it’s not worked out, but you can’t know everything in advance and the school have thrown a curveball.

Personally, I’d move him. The issues you’re describing are going to get worse as he gets older, rather than better. I was upset when my Year 3 picked up that kind of language in the playground! Much better to move now before friendships are fully established than to wait and move in a few years’ time when he is more settled and will find it more difficult to fit into a new peer group.