DS Struggling in Reception

[lineandsinker]

I am just looking for some objective advice about DS and his time in Reception so far.

DS is 5 and an early Sept baby. Despite having a lovely, stress-free 4 years at nursery, he struggled with the transition to Reception and cried every day until after half-term. Since the end of September, I’ve had (what feels like) weekly phone calls from his class teacher with complaints about his behaviour.

The behaviour ranges from fidgeting on the carpet, lifting his shirt up over his head (which he does when anxious), struggling with sharing, and the last 2 weeks have been around ‘kind hands’ - there’s been no hitting, just being over boisterous at playtime with his friends. The consequence is to sit on a ‘thinking chair’ by himself for 5 minutes.

There have been zero positive comments - the school has no reward system to speak of unless the children have done something ‘exceptional’. There is also no home-school communication method or app, so I’m really in the dark about what happens in his day, unless it’s bad.

I am a Secondary teacher, so not sure if I am looking at the situation objectively, but is this normal for Reception? I understand that they need to learn boundaries but they are still tiny after all, and I am surprised at the number of negative phone calls home I receive. DS often doesn’t want to go to school as he feels like ‘he is told off all the time’. We are encouraged to ‘catch them being good’ at my school and I feel like they are leading with a stick rather than a carrot at DS’s school.

I have requested a meeting with the school to discuss as I have tried several times to speak to his teacher at the gate but she often brushes me off.

He’s a bright, inquisitive, lovely boy and this was not the start to school I was anticipating for him, especially as he was brilliant at nursery with no behavioural concerns whatsoever.

No I don’t think that’s normal, at least not the experience I’ve had this year with my dd starting reception. I think requesting a meeting is a good idea and will hopefully give you some insight as to what’s going on.

Oh this poor little chap! He is 5 .... he fidgets ... hey that's cos he's 5!!! Surprise, surprise!

You must talk to the school. This us his life... every day, all Sat.... and he us being asked to be someone hebus not. It is so wrong.

Every day, all day ...

So much of what he's doing is simply age appropriate stuff. V sad that this is bring communicated to you as negative or to him as something that's his fault. Surely this is v much expected behaviour in reception. No wonder he's anxious and fidgety.

I wonder if he is being held to a higher standard as he’s the oldest (I think this happens a lot) as otherwise his behaviour sounds exactly what you would expect in reception.

Totally batshit behaviour from his teacher! I would look to move him to a new school -no amount of meetings can change this culture. Your poor boy.

That is normal for a five year old. Some can manage at 5, but some still have ants in their pants.
There is nothing more ridiculous than expecting young children to sit and listen to mostly very boring talking. And sitting on the thinking chair is not helping. I don’t think the teacher has a lot of experience, that behaviour just means DS needs more time to move around. Have a chat to the teacher and see what they can come up with. If the answer is DS just needs to do as he is told then the teacher can deal with the behaviour.
If he doesn’t settle down in a while look at adhd assessment.
Does he walk to school? If you are able to walk him that might help get some of the silly out on the way.

No it’s not normal for a teacher to be constantly calling you over some fidgeting, however this is normal behaviour from a child his age. Children this age shouldn’t be made to sit and focus on a carpet for longer than ten minutes. I would ask the teacher what she is doing to support your child in class? Also ask the teacher or year lead for a copy of their school’s behaviour policy.

Thanks for all the responses - I feel reassured that I’m not alone in thinking this is all madness!

Had a long conversation with his teacher this morning. There is some acceptance (finally) that he uses physical touch for self-regulation which is where the conflict is occurring with the boisterousness with peers and also the fidgeting at carpet time. I had to really push today for them to agree to looking at some strategies, but they are going to try some fidget toys in January at carpet time and also a positive behaviour chart as well.

If things don’t improve, I am going to request One Planning so there is some accountability from the school to put things in place to support him rather than punishing him all the time.

That being said… he came out of school tonight and informed me he’d been on the thinking chair this afternoon again 😫

Imagine if your elderly parent, friend or partner was put on the ‘thinking chair’ 😔

As an ex primary teacher I am just sad that we expect so much of such young children in the UK. Reception class doesn’t start until age 7 in most other European countries 😢 Totally inappropriate.

OP, advice as you’re fighting the very school obsessed, school centric mentality is to advocate for your child.

It is strange they don’t have a reward system of any parent comms! Poor lad. All primary schools I am familiar with use dojo for points and the odd update to parents. X

Here's the thing, reward charts and thinking chairs are not necessary if you have a happy child. Regulation will come to a child who feels comfortable, liked and looked after by his teacher. Sounds like his teacher idms failing in this crucial area. I would say get to know him, boost him up, validate his feelings, have whole class movement breaks and accept that at that age his behaviour is so normal.