Really struggling with year 6 homework

[elliejjtiny]

Ds5 is 10 and in year 6. He is about as autistic as you can get without having learning disabilities and recent years showed him functioning emotionally at a pre-school level. He is working at greater depth for maths but he struggles to engage with learning so he quite often doesn't show his full potential. He often gets low marks in his practice SATS because He won't answer most of the questions. He has 1-1 support most of the time at school. He almost has an ehcp, we have the final draft but the LA and the secondary school are still negotiating money.
We are really struggling with homework. He won't do anything unless I sit with him and I have to help him a lot. Even then it takes 3-4 hours in total to do 3 a4 sheets of maths, 3 sheets of grammar and learn spellings. It has been the same since he started getting homework during lockdown. He gets so upset, screaming and flinging himself on the floor and everything takes so much time. I wish I had the confidence to just not do it but when I tried that ds5 got kept in at break and I got a telling off from the teacher. on the reports between the professionals they always mention about us as parents and whether we are engaging with the school, completing homework, turning up for meetings etc so I worry that if we don't do the homework we will be in a lot of trouble with someone. I'm dreading secondary school when the homework will increase and get harder. I'm really struggling with this. Every so often I'm tempted to unschool him but I think that would be swapping one lot of problems for a different lot.

I wouldn’t be doing it at all. Our OT report says homework only if parents feel it’s manageable as he needs more downtime than other children.
He won’t be learning anything, apart from he can’t escape even at home and that school work is stressful for him. I’d be challenging any professionals he sees to explain to them how distressed / disregulated he gets. How long it takes to get stuff done and say you don’t feel it’s beneficial, and is causing him stress and you worry it causes negative associations for school work in general.

At primary they were really supportive to ds over homework (no EHCP, no 1:1) he was very dyslexic as well as diagnosis of autism. But high functioning in speech, ideas etc.
We did what he was enthusiastic to do. Projects, history reading. Worksheets I used to just scribe for him. His handwriting was illegible so it was pointless to force him to sit for hours achieving nothing.
We read him books galore, listened to music that sort of thing.
You are the expert on your child's learning.
You probably don't want to hear this but after a year of ds2 dutifully doing his secondary homework and getting in a complete state of hysteria over it (wanting to please teachers) I decided this was utterly counter productive, took him out for two years to homeschool.
Sent him back at 14 with a newly acquired EHCP for dyslexia and autism he then loved homework/lessons and engaged brilliantly. All his exams were scribed/dictated. He then went to uni, we still helped and supported, edited but he was a really diligent student if as illegible as before (touch-typing helped). He has done well without grammar worksheets. And I put it down to taking the pressure OFF not laying it on.

I think if you read Tony Attwoods book on Asperger's he has a bit about homework being a very counterproductive experience for some children with autism.

I really feel for you. Don't let anyone force you to force your son to do anything.
An hour with a timer then stop.

I would not be doing any homework at all. Leave home for home and school at school.

My other two DC who stayed at school throughout and did their homework as asked , ticked boxes etc, achieved less well academically than the one who skipped homework for two years in secondary when homeschooled.
Homework is what most parents want from schools; the children don't necessarily learn much from worksheets. Some will, some won't. But it's usually the ones who need the most help who learn least from sitting an additional torturous session after a tiring school day.

I would say
. Don't do the homework. Send in an email for class teacher and senco explaining why.
. Does the school have a homework club? Many kids with ASD who struggle with homework at home will do it at an aftershock club.
. Ditto for secondary. When transition time comes around pre-empt the issue by speaking with the senco. They will be used to kids with this issue.

3 sheets of maths and 3 sheets of English stuff is far too much homework for any ten year old not to talk of a kid on the spectrum tired and overwrought after a long day in school. I am a primary teacher in lreland and usually its one sheet of each.
Could you say to ds we will start and when you are tired let me know and we will leave it. Then sign your name saying ds got this far. Fold it up, put it away and enjoy the evening. Ds needs to unwind after school and do his favourite things whatever they are. Always have a decent snack before starting. If he feels he can stop when he calls it he may feel more in control. Also sitting at a table after sitting all day is torture so let him lie on his tummy with those stupid sheets on a board or something. But if all that fails leave it. Its not worth it and be very definite with school that he is not to be punished as he has done his best.

We had similar with our son. He has a cognitive learning disability, ASD, ADD, and lots of other conditions.

We would find homework really stressful and have to tag-team as parents. Then one day I had an epiphany - homework was supposed to be of benefit to him and it was the opposite.

I then sat with him for half an hour and then we finished. I would write on tge homework the time spent and what he had difficulty with. Very soon they stopped giving it to him. During transition we talked about the problems we had with homework and they arranged a homework club for the children with SEND so he never brought it home. This meant we could concentrate on rest and other interests at weekends.

Weve pushed through with homework but at 12 im still sat with her prompting...
Problem is some work at home would be beneficial but not necessarily what is set.
So maths doing practise paper but not the set work because perhaps that bit was easy.
Similarly she was exceeding sats level for spag by 7yo. But still got some spag homework.
English more reading and comprehension than whatever we had.
In y8 now sparx doesnt adjust difficulty so we get some really easy questions but most is not stretching at all, useful practise and it takes about 1hr a week but only because like op dc she is rolling about for ages rather than do it.

The big issue is art sort of work as she is so rigid but takes ages to start, to do, to stop etc so must be sure its started days early.
Also 90% of her work now is revision

Talk to the school about how much time they would expect a child without disabilities to be spending on homework. Try to spend about that long a night doing something that will be beneficial to your child school work wise. Maybe something of a subject that he needs to practise, maybe some spellings or some maths, maybe a game of something that relates to what he needs to do - scrabble for spelling work for example. A little homework that pushes him on a little with some learning, will be much more beneficial than a hard slog of stuff he can't take in.

Drop the homework, it's causing untold stress and trauma to all involved. Inform school of the reasons and why DS should not be penalised for it.

DS has ASD and dyslexia, just the thought of homework starts a meltdown and ruined every weekend. We have now dropped it unless he asks to do it. We let him be in control. He learns in different ways by watching endless science videos on YouTube and a compulsive Duo lingo habit. Not the homework he was set but he learns what he enjoys

Thank you all. Homework is per week but I find it We split it into daily bits he still takes the same amount of time to get started each time so it was taking much longer in total. So now we do it in a big chunk on a Friday night with me and dh taking it in turns to sit with him while the other one of us sorts dinner and makes sure ds3 and ds4 are doing their homework.

There is no homework club at primary school but there is at secondary. The senco at secondary school has suggested that he does his homework at homework club when he goes to secondary school but I'm sceptical about how it will work if he disturbs the other children or doesn't get on and do the homework. He is similar in his behaviour at school as he is at home when it comes to schoolwork so it's not like he is likely to do his homework quicker or more happily at school, the only difference will be I don't have to deal with it.

I would definitely just put your foot down and say he’s not doing it. You’ll get him to read but that’s in unless he chooses to do something.
Then I’d get other professionals onboard to argue it isn’t benefiting him.

Ask the teacher how long it should take. Then spend that amount of time starting from when you ask him to start. If he hasn't even managed to start or only completed some you can record this and feed it back to the teacher so that any report shows appropriate parental engagement. This indicates you are doing your best as parents but he needs more expert teaching help than he is currently receiving. And that you are concerned this will lead to gaps in learning.

You will only damage your relationship by trying to force him to learn at home when trained experts can't even achieve that in school.

Given that the school are aware of difficulties and EHCP is in progress it is also unreasonable that they keep him in at break.

If he can complete work then they should be providing the same support out of break time. If not, it's a punishment for known SEND.

Also if break is downtime (some DC want to be kept in to avoid social communication even if expected to work) it is counterproductive. Even if this is the case he needs support in break times, access to quiet areas etc not being kept in to complete homework.

This is unrelenting pressure and I would be worried about burn out. Mental health is for life. I speak as someone whose DS1 got EHCP and specialist school (following tribunal) too late and has been a full time carer for over a decade now and will be til I die.

I did things differently with DS2. Because he had tried and failed secondary and most importantly had an EHCP, the LA funded internet school as alternative education. I had to be his unpaid LSA but they also paid for tutors for subjects like English and history where he struggled. He excelled at maths and physics. No telling off for any subject.

His mental health was not damaged and his confidence grew even though he and his behaviour was unchanged. ASD and ADHD. He had some social skills training at primary but it didn't take. I still have to listen to monologues.

He went to 6th form to study further maths, maths and physics and is now in his first year of a masters in mechanical engineering. Disability support is provided as a matter of course. Maybe he'll get a job, maybe he'll crash and burn after uni but I did my best. He wouldn't have the same opportunity, even if it turns out he can't take it, if I had not intervened.