Please help me choose a school. Which would you choose?

[SantasComingToTown]

I know choosing a primary school is a really personal choice but I am currently torn between two schools - the two people who I have been discussing options with are my husband and mum and each of them are very biased towards the opposite school, which is making it difficult for me as they are both very negative of the school they don’t like, and aren’t willing to remain open minded. I feel like piggy in the middle! I would really appreciate some opinions to help make the decision as it’s really important to me that my son gets the best education he can. I have done a ticklist comparing the two and they both scored equally but on different things!! Which one would you choose if you were sending your children there?

Both schools:

• Have small class sizes/years (approx 18-20 per year group).
• The quality of classroom based education is equally as good because of the small class sizes.
• Staff are lovely, get a really good vibe from the headteachers and their staff turnover is low as the teachers all love working there so much.
• Kids all seem happy and engaged. We took my son to an open evening at each school and he loved both!

School 1:

• Building is huge as used to be a middle school so the kids have loads of space both inside and outside of the classroom.
• The facilities at the school are brilliant - they have a dedicated cooking room, art room, music room and a huge library. They also have tennis courts, two huge fields, on site forest school, two main playgrounds with go karts and slides etc. Then the Early years, year 1 and year 2 each have their own outside play area as well.
• Walking distance to our current home.
• Has own kitchen facilities so food is cooked on site.
• The children who were there on the open evening were so enthusiastic about the school and were so excited to show me all the things they had been learning.

Negatives for me:

• Shared toilets, I just don’t like the idea of it especially for girls starting their periods (even though I have a boy).
• Breakfast and after school club provided by external company so is VERY expensive, will cost about £150 per week for both.
• As the site is so big I got the impression that they feel they don’t need to leave the premises very often and school trips are nearly all within my local town (I lived here my whole life and there really isn’t a lot going on). - they have said they are conscious of parents and not wanting us to spend lots of money which is lovely, but I feel they have gone too far and the children basically never leave.
• They don’t give children the chance to participate in extra curricular activities and sporting tournaments. Very rarely are they present at local school tournaments or competitions either, so I feel they are very isolated in the schooling community. My son is very active so I can see him enjoying sports and probably being quite good in some areas as he gets older.
• As the kids are now there until they go to high school it worries me that my son will never have experienced much outside of the primary school and might find it a bit of a shock.

School 2:

• Small village school
• Quality of extra curricular activities is excellent, and school trips are brilliant. They take all ages groups out to various places, some are free, some cost money so there is a good balance.
• As the school isn’t as big the children get to go off site frequently to do things like forest school and they have the option to participate in lots of local school tournaments so they get to engage with lots of different things outside of the 4 walls and get lots of life experiences.
• Breakfast and After School clubs are provided by the school so they are more reasonably priced and the hours are better in the morning which means I wouldn’t need to adjust hours at my current job.

Negatives are:

• We would have to drive every day as walking isn’t possible due to it being in a village location (only 5 minute drive from my house as I live on the edge of the town).
• The school building is very small in comparison to all the other schools we’ve looked at so there really is only the classroom for the kids to use in each year (the other school has areas outside of the classroom to use as well where they can do bigger group activities). They do have a lovely field and although the playground is smaller it’s still a good size for the size of the school and has similar activities the other school offers, just on a smaller scale.
• After reception, the year groups are in shared classes so year 1 and 2 are in the same class etc. - not sure how I feel about that. Does anyone have experience of it?
• No on site kitchen so food is ordered in but still plenty of options.

My husband isn’t a teacher but has worked in school 2 a couple days a week for the last 8 years doing PE and sport clubs so is very biased towards it, he can’t see any of the negatives that I can. That being said he has got inside knowledge of how the school works and I know he wouldn’t want to send our son to a horrible school.

Very interested to hear your thoughts and which one you would choose!

Sorry for the long post, tried to shorten it as best I could.

Assuming that they are state schools.
18-20 isnt a variable number to run a school and so I would expect that they will have to amalgamate classes (or further for the mixed age school) or close before your child finishes primary. So dont be wowed by small but unsustainable classes.

Your husband’s opinion matters more than your Mum’s because he is a parent. If your husband is absolutely against one of the schools I don’t see how you could happily send your child there. Is it not a joint decision between the two of you?

If both have a nice culture and good teaching with good retention (very important to me), I'd go for a school you can walk to. They'll get friends nearby too, And big facilities are better as less likely to close down if numbers are low as you say (they'd close the other more likely). £15 a day for breakfast and afterschool club isn't unusual. You'll also get tax free childcare on this.

Personally I would choose the school you can walk to. That is almost worth 2 or 3 points alone if you're working on a scoring system.

Having a large site with good resources is also a huge plus. I honestly feel your positives for school 1 outweigh the positives of school 2. Trips are lovely but most will only do a few a year at most anyway (it tends to be less and less these days, due to cost). You can easily make up for that yourselves in the experiences you give them (days out to museums, castles, beaches etc).

It's your choice though (as in you and their Dad). Your mum needs to stay out of it. It's not her choice to make.

I would most definitely go for school 1

Never underestimate how much driving to school will become aPITA. Also as both schools are small, it’s possible with the fall in number of DC aged under about 7/8, one of these schools might need to close, and I expect it’s the bigger site that is kept.

Trips out are overrated! Assuming you take them out and about in the holidays, they’ll still see plenty of places.

Shared loos are really common in EYFS, but rare after that. You’ll have plenty of time to work on the issue and seek change.

If you want competitive sport for your DC, you’re better off looking at club structures, regardless of what there is in school. Competition amongst younger age groups is actively discouraged for some sports, so a balance of a not terribly competitive school plus an after school club sounds a pretty good way ahead.

I know you’d probably prefer not to spend on breakfast club, but is it actually unaffordable?

I need to be able to walk to school given that I don’t drive, but if you don’t mind driving every day, twice a day, then that’s a non-issue. Your husband’s opinion does matter if he’s seen how the school runs from the inside. There’s a big difference between how a school presents itself on open days to how it actually operates on a day to day basis.

Why is your mum having a say, surely the decision should be between you and your husband? What is your gut feeling saying?

My sons school has mixed classes as it is a class and half per year, so full reception and 1/2 reception 1/2 year one. This is throughout the school until they reach year 6, which is then 2 smaller full classes of year 6. It works really well and is common now that schools are getting larger.

I was going to go for School 1 (High School is so different no primary cab fully prepare) walking distance huge plus and personally for me shared year classes is a HUGE NO.
my cousins (much younger than me) had this and my Aunt hated it - very difficult to manage

also he mag have inside knowledge now but school regimes change (and given it has been 8 years) it could be due one. The school I sent mine to was amazing until a new headteacher hit (when mine were in Year 6 and 2) and the whole ethos of the school changed post Covid (years 5 and 5 for my youngest) and I would not choose it now at all

so you go for the things that are going to change - walking distance and non shared classes would be it for me

Personally I'd choose the school you can walk to over the drive. We had a similar choice to you and parking for school pick up was a nightmare at the village school (we stuck around after a school visit so check it out). It was carnage. Having to deal with that everyday really wasn't what I wanted.

Mixed year groups was actually a positive for us in considering option 2. I have alot of friends that are teachers who teach mixed year groups so can see alot of benefits to it.

We ignored extra curricula activities at the schools. My DS attends everything outside of school. With sports, you'll want a club not a school if you plan on pursuing things competitively in our area. My DS only attends 1 school run after school class and that is only because its is 'fun' activity of the week. Sports and Beavers etc are all run not with the school.

If you honestly like both of them then your husband's opinion should count more than your mum's. She's had her chance to choose how her children are educated. It's yours and your husband's turn now. So if you equally liked both then I would go with the one he favoured. (That said, personally I think a school in walking distance with better facilities would be the one I would push for!)

If all other things were equal I'd go for school 1 because of being able to walk there but your DH works at School 2 a couple of days a week and has done for 8 years - so I'd definitely send DS to School 2 where he can presumably come home with his dad those two days anyway! Especially since it works better for you for work hours, which compensates for the 5 minute drive.

Also, if you are basically neutral as you thought both schools were lovely with a good atmosphere and nice teaching staff, then the deciding vote goes to your DH not your mum.

I went to a small village school, and while there was less kids to pick from to make friends, I did feel that I benefited from it because it meant that everyone in our year was on the netball team etc compared to the bigger schools where they picked the best players because there wasn't enough room. So we got to take part in everything which I think is important

Yes both state schools.

The small village school has been going for about 40 years and has always had small numbers so it wouldn’t be at risk of closing down. The other bigger school is 10 years old this year. We have 9 primary schools in the town I live and a new one that has opened this year to keep up with demand because of the amount of houses being built in my town and the surrounding areas. The reason I liked both of these schools is because the others are so overrun with children they don’t get the attention they need.

I’d go for school 2, as it sounds to have better enrichment activities, your husband’s experience of it carries weight, and a five minute drive isn’t that much if not in heavy traffic (I drive five minutes to walk to a school in the next village. It’s fine).

I absolutely agree, his opinion counts more. I mentioned my mum because she is the person I normally go to for opinions when my husband and I can’t agree.

I love my husband but he is very narrow minded at times. He thinks the sun shines out of this schools backside and can’t see any negatives associated with it despite the fact it would be more inconvenient for us. I work part time and would need to do all of the drop off and pick ups. School 1 is the complete opposite direction and I do have concerns about a few of the things mentioned.

I spoke to my mum because I thought I would be able to have a more balanced conversation with the pros and cons of both schools, but she’s also turned out to be a nightmare because one of her friends grandchildren go to school 1. MIL doesn’t care about anything, so I don’t really have anyone else to talk too to get a balanced view which is why i thought all you lovely people would be able to help.

Ref shared toilets, schools are moving to unisex toilets but with floor to ceiling single cubicles so this may be the case eventually whatever school you choose.

Yes my MIL hasn’t been much help on this but one thing she did say is if you choose a village school you will always have to drive him to see friends etc. it’s a consideration I’ve made. I don’t think either school is at risk of closing down because the amount of houses we have going up near us is horrendous. A new primary school only opened this year and this takes us to 10 now - in what was a small market town when I was little.

Also re the breakfast and after school club…I didn’t realise you could get tax free childcare with it? I thought that stopped when they went to school? I will have to look into that.

The breakfast and after school clubs are £7.50 a hour so for my son to do both it’s going to cost £30 a day which is the most expensive in the area by far and they don’t get a hot meal in the afternoon either whereas the village school provides hot food.

A school being walking distance is only useful if you would actually walk there and back. If you’re dropping off on your way to work and then driving on, it’s not actually that much of a positive.

Just be aware that a school that has 18-20 per class at the moment may not for much longer. Schools get funded per pupil and a way of this school saving money would be to combine classes to lose a teacher. I’ve seen that happen over the last few years.

Equally you just don’t know if the small village school would close. If numbers are low it may well close.

Do you know anyone with kids at either school? Maybe try and get opinions from those rather than your mum or DH.

Sounds like both are good options to be honest

Thanks for your reply. I see your point in regards to the trips, we go out most weekends as a family, I just thought it’s also nice to go out as a school too. One school does about 1 trip a year, the other 1 a term and they do residential trips as well when they get older.

To be fair to my mum she isn’t trying to butt in, I was hoping to have a more balanced conversation with her as my husband has been really overly negative about every thing at every other school we’ve looked at (we’ve been to 5). It’s been quite exhausting looking round with him as he is blinkered towards the village school and I just wanted an impartial opinion. But I wish I’d never asked my mum either now as now she’s found out a friends grandchild goes there it’s the best school in the country 😅.

Thank you for you reply, really appreciate it!

The driving is definitely one of the things that has put me off about the village school despite it only being 5 mins away. My husband doesn’t see it as an issue but he isn’t the one who is going to be doing it - it will either be me or possibly grandparents if they are able to support.

Re the trips, im not sure why I’m so hung up on it. I think I’m just worried that as it’s now illegal to take your kids out for a holiday, we might not be able to afford to go every year and then my son will be missing out on getting experiences. We would still definitely take him out by ourselves but as of yet he has no siblings (struggling to conceive #2) so i keep thinking if he never gets a sibling then it would be nice for him to have experiences with other children. I do also think it enhances their education rather than just being in a classroom all day and gives them the opportunity to experience the real world.

I guess there is nothing to say that I couldn’t push school 1 to do some more trips if they really are lacking.

Point taken about the competitive aspect. My hubby is VERY competitive so he sees big value in this kind of thing!

I have to be honest the breakfast and after school provision is in my opinion pretty extortionate - £7.50 a hour so works out as £30 a day for both (breakfast club, and then 2.5 hours after school)

Exactly, it’s why I’m so torn about it. I wouldn’t normally have considered the village school because of its location but after hearing how much my husband loves it and seeing it myself it’s made me really think about it!

I’ve replied to other people about this. My mum isn’t trying to butt in but basically I went to her to try to get an impartial opinion because my husband has been really overly negative towards every other school we have looked at apart from the one he liked. But it completely backfired because my mum has been the same for the other school. I think she is really thinking about herself because she may end potentially offering to pick him up after school. I would imagine if it’s at the village school she may say no

School 1 without question. That could be because my children are now at the older end of primary and they walk themselves both to school and to their (local, as they go to the nearby school) friends and it's a lovely thing, both in terms of being freeing for me but also giving them independence.

I also think there's a benefit to doing the extra curriculars outside school, clubs tend to be better, meeting other people and having an identity outside school.

My gut feeling is saying school 1, but I know my husbands loves school 2.