Parents' Night

[MrsElba]

I had a parents' night recently, and I can't stop thinking about some of the comments from the teacher. Needless to say, I got the impression she wasn't the biggest fan of my child. But can a 7 year old be called 'immature'? It's not a word I would associate with that age of child - silly maybe, but immature seems odd to me.

She also asked me if there was any ADHD in the family (there's not). As she would deal with my child calling out in class differently if so. Surely, if she had concerns in this area, she should have contacted me at the start of the school year (August) rather than waiting until 3 months later. I'm possibly being over-sensitive, but it felt like a dig about their behaviour rather than genuine concern for any neurodiversity. She also called my child's behaviour 'annoying' on more than one occasion. Look, I get it, not a job I could do, but it just feels a bit off on reflection, and it would be good to get some opinions, please?

I do think that some behaviour can roughly be expected according to the age of the child so I know what she means by immature. I don’t mean he is, by the way! Did she give examples? I don’t like the ADHD comment, I think that’s bordering on a bit mean and unprofessional.

Thanks so much for responding. No real examples, but it was in connection with play with peers.

I should have mentioned we're new to the school so I'm wondering if there's an element of my child trying too hard to make new friends. Given we've had glowing reports for previous years in their old school, as well as from two separate out of school childcare settings, this just feels out of the blue!

And yes, I'm not overly impressed with the ADHD comment. Apparently, they've been impulsive and shouted out in class - but again, is that not just a 7 year old wanting to impress their new teacher with the correct answer?!

Context here is everything.

Yes a 7 year old can definitely act immaturely. The phrase simply describes someone who displays behaviour younger than that typically expected of a person of their age. I think it's fine for a teacher to state a child displays some immature behaviours, but it's wrong to outwardly call the child immature. So it totally depends on how the word was used, and the context it was in.

Again, it would be wrong to outwardly label a child as 'annoying', but completely fine to state they do things which annoy others (or even seemingly to knowingly annoy others), to build a picture of behaviour. It totally depends on the context.

I'm quite shocked that a teacher would be that unprofessional to label a child as immature and annoying, but if this is genuinely what was said you would be within your rights to take it further by speaking to the headteacher about her unprofessionalism and how it has made you feel. If it was more of a case of her describing the behaviours, rather than actually labeling your child, that's different and I don't see anything majorly wrong with that (although I understand why you're upset, as nobody wants to hear that their child's behaviour described as those things).

What is he like at home? Do you have any concerns about potential ADHD? I'd be surprised if the teacher is raising these concerns with you without having voiced them first to the school SENCO, so it might be worth trying to contact them to arrange a meeting to gage their views on things and what the next steps will be, if the school have genuine concerns.

My daughter is a year younger but I have also had the "emotionally immature" comment, two years running now, and a query about ADHD (direct from the teacher, no SENCO!). I think it stems from the gulf between dd's intelligence (she's bright and achieving very well) and her behaviour (silly, easily led and low-level disruptive). I think it's a fair comment, the teacher has a class of kids the same age so if yours stands out as worse than most of the others there's something going on.

I'm on the fence about ADHD, I think it's possible but I also think she could be bored or just plain immature. There's not much you can do except encourage good behaviour at home and keep monitoring. But I do think the older they get the more it becomes apparent. Maybe a bit different for your son if it's never come up before.

I had a similar P eve when my DS was in Y1. The teacher (who was young and it was her first year in teaching) clearly didn't like DS and wasn't very complimentary about him. She said he was often silly in class and didn't listen to her and was disrespectful along with a friend of his. We were very surprised as he had a great YR report and we had never heard anything like this about him before.

Actually, we never heard anything like this again from any of his teachers afterwards - he's now an adult!
Also when DD was in Y9, a teacher (the first one we saw that night) was really unimpressed with her, saying she didn't listen or work hard and was not respectful. We were shocked about this one too and mentioned it to other teachers on the night. They were all very surprised to hear it too! DD said that particular teacher was horrible to her and used to pick on her - DD said she clearly didn't like her. We never heard anything like that afterwards from any of her other teachers. She is also an adult now too.
It's unfortunate, but I do think that sometimes some teachers just don't like some pupils! No real reason and it shouldn't happen of course as the teachers should be professional and treat all pupils the same. But of course, teachers are human too.
If I were you, I'd make a note to contact the teacher early in the new year and ask for a meeting to follow up on her 'concerns' for your child's behaviour. If your child is generally happy at school I wouldn't worry too much but I'd have a chat with them too to see if they say anything about the teacher too.

It sounds like you child hasn’t been behaving in class - shouting out in class is not acceptable and by y2/3 they should know better. Teacher’s querying of adhd might have been clumsy, but basically sounds like she is asking whether there is a reason not to hold him nt behavioural expectations.

expectations shift a fair bit at this age, and I think it is fairly common for children to struggle with the transition to more controlled / academic format of school. Some of those that struggle will have neurodiversity and others just need a bit of time and intervention. Maybe this teacher is being unduly critical, but maybe there is a nugget of truth in her comments that might warrant further examination at home.

I think there are always people you 'gel' with better than others and teachers and pupils are no different. DGD wasn't very happy in Y1 and had a few problems, now doing much better in Y2 with a different teacher. DD says nothing wrong with the Y1 teacher but she just didn't 'get' DGD in the way the Y2 teacher seems to.

She wouldn’t have had time to assess your dd to have been able to say anything at the start of the year, so that’s not something you can legitimately complain about.

Her comments sound clumsy, but she seems to mean that your dd behaves in a way more typical of a younger child than she does her current peers. It will probably change as your dd becomes used to what is expected in her new school as opposed to her old one.

Parents only want to hear positive things about their children. This teacher has clearly not learnt this lesson yet.