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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Child keeps failing

14 replies

Alwaystierd · 27/10/2024 19:18

Hi,

we have been prepping for the grammar school exams and now independent school exams. My child is not a naturally competitive person, so explaining how hard she will need to study really goes above her head.

At home she does great in all the papers, easily mid 90’s, but on the exam day although she doesn’t appeared stressed just doesn’t do as well. We narrowly passed one exam and and narrowly failed another grammar school exam.

she just had a piano grading which she failed by a big margin, it was a retake and she had got 10 more marks the first time she did it.

and on top of that she is going for an art scholarship and used to love art. Now trying to make her do anything is impossible

is she burnt out? Independent school exams are late November and December…. Any tips? I just feel so bad for her, she is very capable but everything seems to be crumbling right now

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ErrolTheDragon · 27/10/2024 19:45

I think perhaps you need to step back and try to think what type of education will truly fit your child's character and talents rather than trying to make her fit your ideas. One size doesn't fit all.

TheaBrandt · 27/10/2024 19:47

Christ poor kid. This is why we moved
to an area with decent state schools they all just go to. Hate this examining of
young children. Our friends son is in counselling for anxiety due to this nonsense.

Sirzy · 27/10/2024 19:50

love your child for who she is, stop placing her under such pressure to perform.

Gemmy96 · 27/10/2024 19:53

She's a child. She's not even in secondary school. Not passing a selection exam does not mean she has "failed", leave her alone about this!

midlifepisces · 27/10/2024 19:57

Could she be autistic or adhd? Neurodivergent kids tend to underperform in exam situations

But yeah, maybe back off a bit

Lil876 · 27/10/2024 20:27

Sounds like burn out/too much pressure.

I 'under' performed throughout primary school and early secondary. Over thought it exams. I'd never have passed a grammar school exam. Got pretty good GCSE results despite this, very good A level results and then a 1st class degree from a very good university. I never had any tutoring and didn't go to private school. I also never had was any pressure to perform from my parents and wasn't subjected to repeated testing as not sure I'd have recovered from it! It got easier with age. I'm sure you just want the best opportunities for her but maybe just reconsider what school will fit her best as anywhere selective with repeated testing probably will only make this worse in the short term.

Original poster

Alwaystierd · 27/10/2024 21:03

I appreciate the feedback and I’m hearing you. I spoke to her this morning and said we could stop this all, she’s currently at a through school I am fine for her to attend. But all the other girls in her class are doing the exams and she’s desperate to do them so my suggestion was followed by a lot of tears

OP posts:

Smartiepants79 · 27/10/2024 21:10

If she actively wants to do them then that’s ok. She still can. Just change the expectations for the outcomes? How has she reacted to the results that she has not passed?? Does it upset her?

Original poster

Alwaystierd · 27/10/2024 21:24

It initially upsets her, but she gets over it very quickly, or at least that’s how she makes it appear to me

OP posts:

ErrolTheDragon · 27/10/2024 23:07

I guess then all you can do is tell her you're proud of her having a go.

whatwouldyoudoifisangoutofkey · 28/10/2024 07:14

Do you not think that if all she's ever known is being tested that she feels it would be a huge failure to 'stop all this' ?
It was your choice , not hers, to do all this . She wants to please you . And conform to some norm if her peers are also going through this.
She's a CHILD, don't put it all on her !
Don't say we can stop all this , the implication being "if you want to"
Did you tell her you love her , are proud of her , that she's amazing to have achieved so much ?
That you now see how pointless all this testing is , that you're not buying into the scam any longer. Particularly as it doesn't reflect someone 's capability.
Or something like that, you get the gist.
It's going to be so hard for your daughter to get out of this mindset that her self worth = performing well in tests. It's all she's ever known and it's her mother's yard stick. Plus she's at a school where it's everyone else's

Original poster

Alwaystierd · 28/10/2024 07:50

@whatwouldyoudoifisangoutofkey You probably hit the nail on the head with saying even if I tell her we can stop it will make her feel like she’s not pleasing me. Honestly I wish we hadn’t started any of this exam prep, it’s been a waste of a year of her life (although that’s learnt a lot).

I will just reassure her, tell her I’m proud of her and we will be done in December then let her enjoy the rest of year 6.

OP posts:

Mumwithbaggage · 28/10/2024 10:25

Poor child! Fancy feeling like a failure in Year 6!

Choccybuttonsandprosecco · 28/10/2024 19:18

You’ve just written a title of “my child keeps failing”….and yet they’ve passed a grammar school exam!!!
Maybe the difficulty is the family expectations and lack of interest?? Or whatever it is, perhaps reflecting on your (apparent) perspective that she keeps failing….I imagine she is receiving this message too.

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