Primary school behaviour policy

[WhiteHorse92]

Hi,

My son will be starting reception September next year, we are looking at the 2 closest schools, they are the same distance away and looking at admissions data from recent years, pretty sure he'd get a place at either. Obviously I've read up on things to consider and ask and they both tick the same boxes. Now one of the things you should apparently consider when looking at a school is their behaviour policy.

We went to the open day for school A and they talked a lot about their 'Regulation Station' and how they use it for emotional regulation. They have a restorative approach to bad behaviour and talk to children about their emotions and do emotion coaching and ask the pupils to identify which emotions led to the behaviour and how to do better next time and are reminded how to behave if it happens again, so a more 'gentle' approach, if that's the right word?

School B, haven't been to the open day yet but their behaviour policy is a lot more matter of fact, sets out exactly what will happen at each step and takes a more disciplined approach. For example, each class has a set of rules, break a rule and you get disciplined. First offence this will happen, second offence this will happen, third offence will be a serious chat with headteacher, policy mentions specific consequences for serious behaviour offences such as removal from classroom/suspension and specific consequences for bad behaviour during playtime. All behaviour incidents are reported on a child's record so everything can be monitored.

Wondering what people's thoughts are on the 2 approaches? Do you think behaviour in a school is generally better using a particular approach? Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things and I should focus on other stuff?

I didn't really get a gut instinct with school A so hoping I will with school B so it's an easy decision but if I'm feeling 50/50 after the school B open day this is one of the things that sets them apart.

I think people's opinions will vary greatly depending on their own beliefs about how to manage behaviour. Having worked in schools with both approaches, my own experience is that behaviour is generally much better where there is a clear structure to the policy, with clear consequences. Personally I find a pure restorative approach very wishy-washy. Children need consistency. Children knew they could get away with so much in the school I worked at which bigged up their restorative approach. I hated it.

Where I am now, we always have a debrief of how everyone was feeling and what needs to happen to put it right after a time out, so we definitely use aspects of this approach, but the time out is so necessary for everyone to see there are consequences to certain behaviours and those behaviours won't be tolerated at that school. The kids definitely respond better to this in my experience. They know where they stand and know they won't get away with certain behaviours.

Thanks for your input. To be honest my hunch is that I prefer the more disciplined approach but I know a few people who are really into the more restorative approach. I have quite a low tolerance for bad behaviour so I just want to know I'm sending my son somewhere where behaviour is managed effectively, and it's not something you can necessarily gauge by having a quick walk round the school on an open day.

I agree. There's so much advocating of the more wishy washy approach. It's great for children who behave, but the ones who don't couldn't care less.

Depends on your child I guess. If your child is generally easy going and does not display any challenging behaviour, they will benefit from being in school b. The disruption will be less and if they follow their policy the lessons will be calm.

However if your child is frequently challenging you will probably prefer school a as there is likely to be less discipline and more understanding of your child. There will be more negotiation and acceptance of dysregulated behaviour.

I worked with the man who was the behaviour "expert" for our county.

He hated the defined consequences model. He said it might work well for 90% (or whatever) of students but that leaves 10% it deliberately sets up to fail.

Schools with the "strict" policy often do have better behaviour, but that's because they have failed the ones who can't meet it.

I guess it depends which camp you think DS will fall into.

This is the main author who promotes this practice.

www.pauldix.org/

Sounds great on paper...

School B every day of the week!

Wishy washy is great until your child is the victim of poor behaviour and the school do nothing but talk to the other child about their emotions.

We have clear boundaries in our home which our children benefit from and we want this to be continued during school hours.

I’d be going for B and nice to see there are some sensible people left on MN). I’d be saying to my kid - you don’t even have to worry about sanctions etc unless you misbehave. Behave yourself and life’s good!

B - 100%

I think A because it teaches how to manage your emotions to make better choices next time. B just teaches you want not to do, not how to actually cope with the feelings that drive the poor choices anyway. If you think about what works for adults as an example. We know if we keep eating shit we'll put on weight. If we smoke we risk cancer. Consequences alone don't build insight and resilience and decision making. Consequences alone drive shame and anxiety rather than regulation of the amygdala, which is what we need.

As long as A is consistent in it's application there is nothing wishy washy about it to me.

Restorative approach is fine in theory, but there just isn’t the time to apply it effectively in a school setting. It is a very time-consuming way of resolving conflict and managing behaviour.
Option B for me.

I think if your child already has good emotional regulation and is generally quite well behaved they will probably get on better in the stricter school.

If your child struggles with emotional regulation and struggles with behaviour then the more gentle approach might be better.

Mine attend schools which use restorative discipline. In junior infants it would have been like school A.

However as they age it changes, the children agree the golden rules and the appropriate restorative actions. They use a circle of their peers to decide an appropriate action. I have to admit I was slightly skeptical even on reading the research, but to be fair it does lead to children with insight into their actions.

It has also been very successful for the children who struggle with rigidity. As they all actively make allowances for those with challenges. The older one is 17, his class are very respectful, engaged and considerate young people. Was it the the process? Probably a combination of it and the parents supporting it.

So I would vote school A as it has given my two sons a wonderful start.

My son just started school reception this year. The school he goes to following B approach. They are quite clear from 2nd week on the approach. 1st day told off for not repeating. 2nd day will be time out from playing time, or sit on a chair to do group activities rather than sitting on the floor with the group. I don’t think it has ever gone to 3rd stage for most kids in the class.
We found it a bit of surprise with the approach at the beginning, and a bit nervous cause he was one of the naughty kids at the beginning. But got fixed just after 1st time 🤣. They all test the water to see what they can/cant do. So it works otherwise it will be unmanageable in a class of 30 kids.

Thanks for all the replies. This wasn't even on my radar a couple of weeks ago but seems like quite an important thing to consider? After reading the replies this could well be a deal breaker. Just to clarify I like to think my son is extremely well behaved and I have no issue with the school disciplining him and giving consequences if he's misbehaved. Also I prefer the phonics scheme of school B and they also have 'Milkshake Fridays' so... 😅

Out of interest (and going off topic), what's the phonics approach and how does it vary to school A?

School B.

Restorative or therapeutic behaviour management doesn’t work for a lot of kids who have real behaviour issues - kids simply realise they can run rings round the system, they don’t learn to “make better choices next time”.

In reality if B is a good school it isn’t just going to be handing out punishment - of course they are going to be using a lot of the talking strategies school A uses. But school B will back it up with meaningful consequences.

My dd went to a school like school A , and she was well behaved - as a result she never got any rewards or recognition. She used to laugh about it and say “oh I should behave badly for a few weeks mum so I can get some of the perks when I start being good again - for not smashing Billy in the face this week, or not making rude gestures at the teacher, or not ripping a door off a cupboard and causing a classroom evacuation again.” My dd absolutely hated it there by the end of Y6.

This. And what @BiggerBoat1 said. We have two schools in our neighbourhood, one A and one B. A was doing brilliantly until B opened and took the pushier middle class parents away from A. A now has a wider catchment, many more SEN children and less money, and their approach is not holding up imo.

My only pause would be if you have a child who will battle with B. A child miserable and endlessly punished at school is not a good outcome. (I’m at a B school and there are a few kids age 5-7 who are clearly on the fast track to an ADHD diagnosis and the school very plainly doesn’t suit them.)

I personally would go with the other school. Behaviour is communication, boundaries are important and consequences but trying to get into a pattern of learning to regulate is a great life skill. I find strict schools use the removal of play too quickly as a punishment - usually overwrought kids in the classroom need more not less. In the early years and infants I'd particularly want this ethos.

School A - Monster
School B - Essential letters and sounds

If it is black and white, I’d go with B, unless you think your child is going to be constantly punished.

The better behaved kids always seem to be neglected while the naughtier kids praised, in my experience of A.

However, could the difference actually just be in the way it is worded? Our school has the “stages” like B, but works really hard on preventing things happen again (understanding emotions and discussion) like A. This seems to work well!

My daughter teaches in a type A school, ot is the modern way and it's awful.Kids attack adults and get away with it.The SLT blame the staff for getting hit!

2nd approach, they are small and need to be clear on the rules for them to be able to follow them. 1st one sounds like a recipe for bullying to be ignored. DD’s school is very nice and supportive but I dow wish they were a lot more strict about behaviour, theres more chaos than there should be.

Restorative justice only really works in bullies interest imo. A or B would work with my child because she behaves well in school anyway.

I don’t understand why this is even a thing, my Dd’s nursery teacher was excellent and extremely popular with the children. But she was also sharp with consequences, fair and very clear on her expectations. It meant that children knew where they stood and got on with it quickly. They used time out and then removal from the class etc and it worked very well. It did mean I used to see the same kid at least once a week sitting with the nursery manager at her desk because he had been removed but it also meant the class could function as it should and every single kid was school ready and already doing well with numbers and phonics.

They use time out at DD’s current school but I think there should be a better escalation routine.

B all the way.

DS was at a school which implemented A and there was a violent child in his class who regularly lashed out at children in the class without any consequence except talking about his feelings.

The teacher got hurt too and spent most pick up times apologising to parents on the daily when their child had been injured but nothing ever changed.

We moved schools and are at one who follows option B and the difference is massive, the children know the consequences of their actions and on the rare occasion something does happen, it's dealt with and addressed.

I have experience of a school that operates similarly to your first example and dreamily hear about schools that operates like your second example 🤣. Make of that what you will. Go visit them.