Should I move my 5 year old to a new school?

[Northy101234]

Really need some advice - our little girl started school last year at our local school, at the same time I got a job in the school working with the older children.

unfortunately there has been a lot of challenging behaviour in her class which she struggles with and the school don’t seem to handle it very well. On a daily basis she is exposed to swearing, fighting, shouting in class and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better now they have started year one. we considered moving her last year after she was strangled with a skipping rope in the playground but decided to give it the benefit of the doubt and try year one.

the school itself is slightly rough around the edges but I always liked the idea of her growing up around a variety of people. this is all made more difficult by the fact I work there and hear all the daily grumbles from staff about behaviour and I get told exactly what’s happening in her class.

the thing that has stopped us is that she has a really close friend who she loves and a few other friends in her class. she often tells me about the other children’s behaviour and how much it worries her, she mostly goes in happy but did cry the other day as she was scared of one little girl.

the other choice for a school is 20 minutes drive away but we do have a few friends with children there so she would already know some of the children. Just very stuck and no idea if this much challenging behaviour is normal - thanks!

Challenging behaviour is becoming more normal sadly, but if you can avoid your child being in a class full of it then I would tbh. Make sure you really know what the other school is like first though, and importantly what her class would be like. There’s no point going through the disruption of moving to end up in another challenging class.

Every class you go into will have some children with challenging behaviour. The difference is how many and well supporting are they. How is it dealt with?
Working in the same school as your kids is going to mean that you are party to a lot of information that you wouldn’t normally. What is the school
like work in? You may know more about the bad stuff but you should also be more aware of all the good.

What do your friends have to say about the other school??

My friends with children in the other school have nothing bad to say about it, but we’re going to have a look this week and see what it’s like. On top of the behaviour the schools recent Ofsted wasn’t great and found lots of problems with the learning side. I just feel so worried about it!

The school don’t manage behaviour well and don’t give consequences for negative behaviour which means it continues. I do see some good in the school but I feel the behaviour impacts the learning. Lessons feel chaotic and I don’t think children are very supported.

As above, definitely make sure it's not a frying pan to fire situation as, sadly, this sort of situation is becoming more and more prevalent in primary schools. Society is going to pot and school staff often have their hands tied in terms of how much they can do. They often face daily abuse from the parents of these little charmers too (I wonder where they get it from?). There is such little respect for teachers these days. Kids know their teachers can't really do much to stop them and they know their parents have their back no matter how badly they behave. However, some schools do definitely deal with it better than others and some areas are definitely more prone to these sort of situations than others so there's definitely no guarantee it will be the same elsewhere (but there's no guarantees it won't be either).

I totally understand your desire to remove your daughter from such a situation, I just think you need to research it carefully first.

Does the other school definitely have space for her? Do you have any younger children (or have plans to)? At a 20 minute drive away, you won't get sibling priority and could miss out with young children if the school is oversubscribed that year. Is there really nothing else more suitable nearby? A 20 minute drive for primary school is excessive unless you're in a very rural area.

Do you plan to leave your current school if she does? It could be a bit awkward if you don't. How will you get her to school and you to work on time each day if you do stay?

Just some things to consider.

I can’t hear from you anything positive about the school. I’d look to move your child and get yourself a new job.

However, challenging behaviour is rife in schools.

We live in a very rural area, there are other schools nearby but they are either very tiny (20 pupils in the whole school) or completely full. the area her current school is in is quite deprived so I feel there is a higher percentage of challenging behaviour.

if I move her I intend to keep my job and use the after school clubs at the new school. I think it will be awkward but I’m not too worried about that as she is my priority.

I have another little girl due to start the next school year, the application for her school is what has prompted me to really make my decision.

I can’t guarantee my other little girl will get a place in the school further away which is a worry but I’m concerned if we start her at this current school we’re going to have all the same problems

You need to go and ask for a meeting as a parent and express your concern. Can DH go?

I had quite a few meetings last year with the class teacher and they all said it should settle the next year but it hasn’t. My little girl comes home very tearful because of how noisy the classroom is and because of children not listening to the teacher.

I think the reason I’m so concerned is because I see the behaviour with the older children and fear nothing will change as her class gets older. I know there’s disruptive behaviour everywhere but I guess in other schools it’s better managed?

Trust your instincts. You are in the system so also are able to see how the seniors turned out as well.

Doesn’t worry staying…

Doesn’t worth staying…

I would move her. Is there space in the school you want?

To remain professional if anyone asks why you’ve moved her just say you think the new school is a better fit for your daughter.

You lost me at “strangled”

assuming there is space and you can make it work practically I would move her

There is space in the new school, it says on the website there is space in all year groups which I’m hoping means my other little one should get a place in September.

thanks for all the advice, it’s reassured me that I’m not over reacting.

What is everyone else’s experience of behaviour in your children’s schools?

That’s shocking! I’d definitely move her, you don’t choose for her to grow up surrounded by that behaviour so don’t let her be influenced by it. My DD year 2 goes to a school technically in a deprived area but the school is great and the classes under control as much as I can gather, it’s a school issue especially at that young age.

Honestly I’d look at moving her, we live quite rural as well however the behaviour is nothing as you’ve described. There is one child who is more challenging ( I suspect some ND ) and DD (5) comes home with some right tales,however she feels safe and happy and the incidents are dealt with correctly.
I couldn’t imagine her feeling scared going into school .

My DS is in Yr 5 in the same school, he moved to the school in Year 4 as we moved houses. The behaviour in his class is more challenging as it’s single class and v full ( others are smaller and two form entrance) but I can’t fault the school in the way they deal with the behaviour. It’s dealt with swiftly and everyone knows it’s inappropriate.

the way I think of it is…..-would you move jobs if you went to work and didn’t feel safe? If you were scared of going to work? Yes you would, so why let your child go through the same at school?

Not too much disruptive behaviours, but wasn’t much learning either!

I do not blame you for wanting to move school's! Sadly, I just had the same talk tonight with my daughter who is in year 3. She is constantly subject to inappropriate sexual speech, swearing, and just general filthy behaviour from another little girl in her class! I have myself told teachers, and even had a meeting last year when she was in year 2 regarding the same matter! It has been going on for years. Unfortunately, it seems not a lot was done as it is still carrying on!

The girl constantly swears out the playground, talks about sex, bending over twerking saying " oh daddy " my daughter along with many other kids are subject to this continuous vulgar behaviour! My daughter has been talking about this for a couple of days, and tonight I have said I will be going into the school for a meeting Monday morning once again regarding this disgusting behaviour and thinking of moving her schools for year 4!

It's just not right, the girl knows what she's doing is not on! As she said to my daughter " my mum don't care I am allowed to do what I want " sadly this is clearly true judging by how she is! She also knocked on my door 3 weeks ago after school as it was my daughters 8th birthday, she has been told many times she doesn't play out, she didn't like being told no she isn't allowed out she then rolled her eyes back and threw a filthy look, stepped off my doorstep called my daughter a bitch, then looked straight at me and said bye bitch, before walking off!

Lovely little cherub aye! I can so relate too, it makes me so angry!

I would move her- things aren’t going to get better if the school isn’t dealing with the behaviour.

Her sister has a better chance of a place as a sibling.

@PYellow30 why not move her now?

Definitely move her if you can, the strangling episode is way too much already! I don’t know why it seems acceptable for our kids to tolerate this and be scared going to school, etc., when adults at work who behave like that would be summoned for a talk by HR straight way. I am not from the UK originally so I don’t know but why are these kids not being expelled? Is there an anti- expulsion law or something in the UK?