Need Advice on School Dilemma – Should I Move My Child?*

[MumOutside]

We recently went through the primary school application process, and it was quite stressful. I applied for a faith-based school as our first choice. We were confident we’d get in – we’re within the catchment area, attend church weekly, and had the required letter of practice from the linked church. At the time of application, the school was rated “Outstanding” (it’s since dropped to “Good”). On offer day, we didn’t get a place. I was told we were 4th on the waiting list, and the reason we missed out was purely down to distance. Thankfully, we got our second choice.

I waited through the additional rounds but never got a place at our first choice. I didn’t know much about the second-choice school except that it’s rated “Outstanding” and very popular. When we received the offer, a lot of parents in our nursery (who live in our neighborhood) were surprised, as it was their first choice and they didn’t get in.

Initially, I was upset, but over time I grew happy with the second choice. The school is walking distance from our home, the hours work better with my job, and they offer summer camps on site. The only downside is that we don’t know anyone there, which makes me worry about not having a support system if something unexpected happened. Still, my daughter started three days ago and seems happy so far.

On Friday, I got a call from our first choice school saying some families didn’t turn up, and they now have a place for my daughter. I’m torn. She seems content at the second-choice school, even though it’s only been three days. On the other hand, our first choice would provide a stronger support network, especially as some of her close nursery friends attend, and it would make it easier for her to make her sacraments within our faith.

Here’s my dilemma:

• The second-choice school goes all the way from primary to A-levels, which means we wouldn’t have to apply for secondary school later. If we do have another baby (we’re planning to in the next two years), the sibling priority would make it easier for our second child to get in. Where as if my daughter finishes primary school before a potential 2nd child starts, the 1st faith based school may reject us on distance again and 2nd choice school might say no the messed us about before? (Not sure if it works that way). They are really the only 2 options I would personally consider for schools for my child(ren) where I have a choice.
• I tend to overthink, but if we pull her out of the second choice school and want to return later (if she wants to go to high school there), would they hold it against us?

The 1st choice school is infant and junior so, I’m also worried about the reapplication process in Year 2 for the first-choice school, as it only goes up to Year 2 and then requires applying for Year 3. What if a family of our faith moves closer and gets priority for Year 3? Would my daughter, as a current student, get priority for Year 3 over a new family? Or would we be left with no school as a lot of the schools in our area are oversubscribed and are all primary schools rather than infant and junior schools. She would probably have to go on a waiting list at other schools if they don’t automatically accept her at year 3 as other schools in the area don’t have a reapplication process at year 3.

So I’m asking for opinions on a few things:

1. Would you move your child to a higher offer school after they’ve started somewhere else?
2. Would you move them from an “Outstanding” school to a “Good” faith-based school ( even though stats show kids have better outcomes at the good rated school)?
3. Does having a support system at school matter to you?
4. Does anyone have experience with the Year 2-to-Year 3 application process? Will a child already attending the school get priority over new families? (Concerned as I know there is no priority from nursery to reception)

I would have jumped at the chance for her to go to the 1st choice school if they accepted her before she stared at the 2nd choice school, but now I feel they are offering us as they need to fill the spaces for funding, where as the other school gave us a space, everything is fine at the moment at the 2nd choice school and if we need them in the future i don’t want to mess them about but I’m not sure if they would see it that way?

I’d really appreciate any advice on what you would do in my situation. Thank you!

Stick with the school you are at.

From what you have written I'd stick with the school she is at. There are too many ifs with your 1st choice and as you state less convenient / longer journey. You will build an additional network and your daughter should make new friends quickly, and they are likely to be more local than your 1st choice so easier to meet up outside school.

Stick where you’re at

Stick 100%

Stick. No need to disrupt things when there is nothing wrong. Walkable is helpful, and it sounds like you don't need to change things too much.

(BTW: OFSTED grades are virtually meaningless at the top end. The only timw to pay heed is when it is RI or similar).

Personally I would stick where you are, as it suits your needs better as a family. She's only just started, there's plenty of time to get to know people and build a support network.

There are too many ifs and buts involved with the other school. Just to reassure you though that if you did move her the current school wouldn't be able to 'hold it against you' and reject a future application for secondary or a future child. Schools have no say in which individuals they admit (unless they are private). They set an admissions criteria but after that it's up to admissions to fill the places, based on their criteria. The school will receive a list from admissions telling them who has a place, they don't then get to say no we're not accepting them. To be honest, they're unlikely to remember that your daughter attended for a couple of weeks in Reception by the time she's in year 7 anyway!

I wouldn't hold it against your first choice school that you didn't originally get a space and are only being offered one now either. It's not their fault you missed out on distance. Of course they're offering you a space now to fill their spaces and receive extra funding, because you're on the waiting list and that's how waiting lists work. It's totally up to you whether you accept the place or not. It's not unusual for people to turn down a space at a school they're on a waiting list for once their child has settled elsewhere. They'll be use to that and the place will simply keep being offered to the next child on the list until soneone accepts it.

Obviously it's up to you, but personally I'd stick with the current school which has so many pluses (first and foremost being your daughter seems happy there).

I would stick with the school you are in. Get involved with the PTA and make friends and you will soon have a support network. There's huge value to your DC growing up going to the nearest school and able to walk to friends' houses rather than going to a more distant school.

Thank you so much for all of your advice. The 1st choice school is also walkable and is actually closer to my workplace. So still a lot to think about before I have to make a decision. Although I think it’s already made based on my gut feeling and the advice I have received. I will likely just stick as like someone mentioned there are a few too many if’s. Its difficult though when its your faith as it was something we prayed for and to now land on our lap, its bitter sweet. We are very fortunate to have the choice between excellent schools. Thanks again for taking the time to reply, i really appreciate and value your responses.

Clearly you considered all the options and chose the first choice school as your preference so getting what you want three days in shouldn’t change that too much. I would read both Ofsted reports fully (how old is the Ofsted for the current school?) and look at the progress and attainment, including for a child like yours. The current school will not be able to discrimate against you if you apply in the future. I would however check the admissions policy for the junior school as that combined with the likely future sibling is the potential argument for the current school.

Stick with the current school. Not sure what support you're after? But you'll make friends if you wanted to. I didn't know anyone at the school my son is at. We actually moved him from a faith school to his current school as the headteacher was horrendous. Now he's loving life 😀

We were in a similar position on offer day - we thought we'd be guaranteed a spot at our local Catholic school and ended up getting our first choice (a much bigger, non-faith school). It turned out to be an admissions error though so we did end up at the faith school. With the caveat that I am an atheist, DS' school offers a lot of advantages over other primary schools, partly because of the funding model but also, in our case, because parents donate generously. Classes sizes are small - DS is in Year One and I think there are 18 in his class. They offer languages from Reception, have a dedicated PE 'coach', and have other kinds of enrichment activities. There's low turnover of teachers and they have a good life balance. So, for me, it would depend on a mixture of things.

@xyz111 Sorry to hear about your experience at a faith based school and I’m glad your child is thriving now. For us we are not from the area we live in nor is any of our family. We are both full time working parents. Nothing has ever happened that we needed support, and hopefully nothing does, but I’m a bit of a worrier. Just as one example the nursery we were in there was fees for every minute late (I never was late) but we had a support system there as parents and would help each other out. Everyone mixed and certain families would have a connection where the children would feel comfortable standing with another parent and child until their parent arrived because they were used to each other and socialised in local areas. The parent would just call ahead and give authorisation and provide a password for that parent to collect them. I feel like life life’s and there are always situations. I know I’m worrying about situations that might not ever occur and when they do we have to get on with it, but I also know we would have that friendly support from the get go at the faith based school if we ever needed it as a couple of families have gone there and that is what we are all used to. We didn’t really get a friendly vibe at the school he is at, no information on parent support what’s app group, no info on PTA, no feedback from teachers at drop off or collection or on email at the end of the week. To be honest I don’t even know which one is the teacher and which one is the TA, they didn’t even introduce themselves when we did, I guess that is because they are busy trying to settle 30 four year olds into a new setting and things might change as the year goes on. I think if that’s the environment i want for my child, if I feel I ever need it, I’ll have to be forward with others and try to instigate that. Like someone said joining a PTA if there is one would be good idea and I’ll definitely ask the question if there is one. The support issue is not a massive one as I know we are always there for our child he comes before everything but you just never know.

Re-applying for year 3? What? The first school genuinely sounds ridiculous tbh.

I'd stay where you are, she'll make friends in no time at all and it sounds like a great school. I would put your efforts into forming friendships with the new school mums you meet and form an extra network!

I would say if you're happy with current school (I know that may change in future but could become unhappy with first choice at some point!) then stay.

The only reason I'd ever say move to a school you wanted over one you got is of you aren't happy with what you got, it's a far distance, it doesn't offer what you need etc.

Even if you have support networks in a school when they start this changes dramatically as other families evolve, move away, meet other families and kids make new friends.

Lots of schools are infant or junior rather than primary (infant and juniors combined). You therefore have to apply to either a junior school or to join a primary school at the end of infants.

but now I feel they are offering us as they need to fill the spaces for funding, where as the other school gave us a space

Whilst staying at the current school to me seems best, this comment stuck out and it reads as though you feel one school selected you and one school snubbed ypu - I'm sure you know this but all that is used to offer a place is criteria as per the school policy (Looked after child, siblings etc) and distance... there is nothing personal about the offer of a place or the loss of a place. Please dont feel slighted by the school that didnt give you a place originally.

I think I also would stay where I was @MumOutside bt tbf I am not a fan of faith schools s that may be colouring my answer.

wrt the infant and junior, it's not uncommon; my DC went to such a set-up and yes, you have to apply again in year 2 for year 3. For us we were within catchment and got a place no worries. A child already in the infant school would not get priority over another who for example lived nearer (as a rule) unless stated in admissions criteria (would be possible I guess) but if you live in catchment it shouldn't be an issue. Class sizes can be bigger in year 3 anyway if the school needs to admit more.

What choice did you make @MumOutside ?

We have a separate but linked infant and junior school. The infants is officially the (only) feeder to the junior school and the children at the infants get top priority when applying for the junior school (only behind looked after children)

they also guarantee all infants children a place at the junior school as long as they make an on time application. I guess in the unlikely scenario that a LAC not at the infants applies for a place then they will just have 31 in the class

I'd keep your DC where they are. You can ask if there is a PTA you can join. You can also ask if there is a class WhatsApp group you can join. If there isn't one why not suggest starting one. Ask your DC which is her class teacher. Having to reapply in Year 3 is very odd. The thought of your DC going to first choice school, making g friends and getting on well then having to reapply for their place, and another family moving closer means they lose their place would clinch it for me. Also not many parents would turn down an Ofsted Outstanding school within walking distance of their home. Your DC will make friends there and you can too if you are around at drop off and pick up times. You will still be part of your faith community, attending second choice school won't change that.