Starting school anxiety

[sparklesandsparkles]

So my LO is starting reception soon and he's started saying how he doesn't want to go.. I'm dreading Sep..
He is the youngest in the class and I feel like he's not really fazed by other children.. so I can't really say oh look everyone's going into school happily.. you do the same..
We have a WhatsApp group for his new class and everyone's been saying how excited their kids are. He really isn't.

He went to the same school nursery and he has said a few times I'm going to go to nursery instead. Now I'm thinking he's going to kick off in the mornings (the entrances are near each other)..

In July for some odd reason he used to scream and shout before nursery at the gate. Would refuse to go in. And I'm dreading the same now. Esp as reception will be 4 form so a lot of kids and parents watching..

I'm going to try a reward chart and lots of positivity etc but I'm so anxious!! Help. Any tips would be appreciated.

It's a huge transition. And definitely harder for summer borns... I explained to mine that everyone finds it scary and overwhelming when they start something new. I remember saying 'even daddy was scared on his first day of his new work' and that it's ok to feel nervous but if you don't go you won't find out all the nice and fun things they do. He went in all brave but even so he was exhausted for a few weeks and needed a lot of cuddles in the evenings. Wishing him luck!

I think it's a completely normal feeling. I would downplay all of it rather than think that you are going to have to use a reward chart.

Don't talk about it much and don't build it up to be a big thing. A lot of times it's the parents who are excited about starting school rather than the children.

On the day I would be quite matter of fact about it. Don't be ready too early at home and don't arrive too early in the playground.

If he says he wants to go to nursery then tell him it's finished or that his turn has finished and now he is in reception (or whatever they call it at his school) with Jack and with Emily. Don't say it's because he's a big boy or call it big school because that makes it scary.

Get him over the threshold and leave.

When you collect him be very positive and make sure that everything else at home is easy and calm and familiar.

You can get books for children about starting school intended to help allay fears of the new and unknown. We did this as part of the transition to Reception and it seemed to help.

Our nursery said that in the last couple of months prior to leaving for Reception there is typically a lot of behaviour changes with some children - they called it “school-itis.” It boils down to anxiety and/or excitement about moving onto school and for some children like my DC we pre-arranged a visit to the school in July (recommended by nursery keyworker) for DC to have a quick tour of the school, see his new classroom and meet his teacher.
Doing this will be too late for you now, but other suggestions we got were to go for walks past the school and casually point out his new school (don’t make a fuss about it, keep it factual and low key). See if any parents would like to do a mass play date in a park prior to starting.

Might be worth watching the Cbeebies show 'Time for School' which follows a class of children as they start reception (series so far is on iplayer). I have found it a good starting point for conversations about anything DD is worried about or sad about. DD will be the oldest and very verbal, so not sure if that changes things!

The stay and play sessions that he school ran were very helpful as well.

The anxiety is normal, and to be expected. I am expecting a huge amount of disruption in the first term as we try to navigate things together.

Keep it bright and breezy. You will have a lovely time in Mrs XXX class sweetheart, now let’s play/do X.
No school gate drama. Big smile, kiss, hug, have a lovely day, I’ll be back at XXX and off you go. Act like there’s nothing to worry about and he will see there isn’t.

Mines one of the oldest yet still had screaming fits for the first few weeks also wanted to go back to nursery.

She LOVES school and is a bit of a teachers pet tbh. We went with the minimum fuss approach as well, even if it starts badly just keep being positive and he’ll get there. By half term she was skipping in every morning. Her teacher handled it really well, they will be used to it, reception is still very little.

The most important thing is to keep remaining positive, OP. He'll feed off your vibe. Does he verbalise exactly what he's not looking forward to? Often, it's just the fear of the unknown.

I totally agree about watching Cbeebies 'Time for School' together. The new series is on iplayer and the old ones are all on YouTube. It's a lovely programme which shows how fun Reception is and helps them to get an idea of what to expect.

There are lots of lovely stories out there too. Amazon is full of suggestions this time of year if year search for books about starting school.

The Colour Monster one is nice. Really.opens up a conversation about how they are feeling.

Daisy Upton has a really good book for kids called Starting School. My daughter has really enjoyed it and it's helped her to talk about any worries she had.

If you have the whatsap group. I would set up a park meet up prior to school starting asap and some play dates. I did this even when not knowing any of them. So dc started school at least knowing some kids. No tears and a good start.

Forgot to add, we got a few starting school books as well. I was excited about it, so dc got excited.

Could you focus on what it will have in common with nursery rather than what is new about starting school? Like same as playground, the kids he already knows, same food at lunch, same PE teacher etc? Also definitely arrange some meet ups with classmates. I’m not actually sure my DD actually got she was ‘starting school’. Like your DS she’d been at the school nursery so it was just back to school and she did some summer camps with some classmates so they were fresh in her mind and it really wasn’t a big deal at all.

This is great advice