Reapplying after pulling siblings from school

[MamasGonnaWingIt]

Hi all, I’m new here and actually created my account to specifically ask advice regarding this dilemma I’m facing. Sorry it’s so long but it’s a bit of a complicated one. Please be gentle with me; I feel sick to the pit of my stomach with worry about this.

I have 4 children - Daughter (11), Son (9), Daughter (6) and Son (3.5) - who are all wildly different from one another and in April this year, we pulled DS1, DD2 and DS2 from the primary school they all attended together. DD1 (neurotypical) was in Yesr 6 and about to do her SATS, so we kept her where she was because 1. She had her SATS coming up and 2. The school had always been great for her. However, DS1 and DD2 are autistic and ADHD, and they were really struggling at that school with their social, emotional and communication skills, as well as their mental health . We were repeatedly being cast aside regarding our concerns and whenever we sought support, we were made to feel like difficult, pestering parents. In the interests of trying to keep this post as short as possible, I’ll cut to the chase and say we simply needed to find a new school setting, where their needs would firstly be acknowledged and recognised and secondly, supported and addressed somehow. We were lucky and were all welcomed into a school 13 miles away with excellent SALT provision, where all staff are trained to at least level 1 in autism awareness. DS1 (autistic) and DD2 (ADHD) have absolutely thrived since their move and it has 100% been the best thing we ever could have done for them… and DD1 is excitedly preparing for her start at high school in September.

However, DS2 (3.5y) isn’t doing so great. He previously attended the nursery attached to the primary school that we removed the children from and he hasn’t settled at all at the new school. It’s been 4 months now and he still cries and asks for his old friends and teachers. If I’m being completely honest, I realise now that he was the collateral damage in the whole “school move” situation, but I really thought he’d make lots of new friends and love his new school within a few weeks. How wrong I was! The truth is, he shows no signs of neurodivergent behaviours and he didn’t need to move school / nursery in the first place. He was moved because it made sense for all 3 younger siblings to be together but he was SO happy at his former nursery and making the most amazing progress, that I feel dreadful for yanking him away for no reason that was of any particular benefit to him.

The new school is in a much less desirable area and the behaviour of the children at this new school can be known to be really quite challenging; but the extracurricular provisions are literally outstanding, with the support for the most vulnerable and / or SEND children being exemplary too. He doesn’t need those provisions though and he’s very frightened of some of the younger children who are yet to learn the behaviour expectations in school. DS1 and DD2 had received teaching and learning at their former school, which was a typical “leafy lane” school, so when they moved to their new school, they had all the learning basics embedded in them and classroom expectations were in place too. With DS2, he isn’t there yet and didn’t get to benefit from all those things at his former school, so he’s learning bad behaviour from the younger ones at his new nursery and he is always asking to go back to his old school.

i can’t help but worry that we’ve failed to think this through for him and wonder if we’ve made the completely wrong decision when we moved him to the new school’s nursery. We apply for his primary school place this academic year and I guess I’m wondering… 1. If we can apply for a primary school place at a school where he previously attended nursery, but was pulled from? I
2 whether the former school (who are an academy) are likely to deny him a pltace, since we pulled them all very suddenly and without saying goodbye to the staff? - The HT was super rude to us at DD1’s leavers assembly and summer fair, when she saw us, for example.

I’m so angry at myself for being so hasty and removing all of them out of frustration for their lack of support regarding DS1 and DD2. It definitely wasn’t the right school for them going forward but there’s no doubt that the school set them up to be outstanding learners going forward in their education. I’m so worried about DS2’s misery re his new school / missing his old school.

Is it even worth applying for a place at his old nursery / school for September 2025? I don’t mind eating humble pie and admitting I got it wrong regarding DS2 but it was 100% the right thing to do for our middle two children.

Is it a state school? If so then he’ll get a place (or not) according to the usual admissions criteria, ie catchment etc. Nothing else matters. The history with your other children is not relevant at all to that decision,

I thought admissions were sorted by a central team, the school don't have a say in who they have on their role, unless it is a managed move situation, which this isn't.

You can apply to any school and places will be allocated centrally according to the admission criteria, your history with the school won't have any impact on your son being allocated a space.

However it sounds like you perhaps made this move for him hastily before and I advise thinking this through carefully. If you moved all three children without even saying goodbye to staff then presumably your little boy also didn't have time to process and say goodbye and found the move a big and sudden upheaval. Maybe the current nursery doesn't suit him but he may also be much happier and more settled by next September when you plan to move him again. If you do choose the original school could you not just apply for a space in the school nursery now instead of leaving him to settle then starting again?

Also do you actually think you can have a working relationship with the original school? DS will have 7 years there and if the HT is being rude to you now that could be a frosty few years. If issues arise for DS do you have belief in them as a school to support and resolve these when they didn't for his siblings? Is it only the option of new vs original school or could there be a third option of a more local, 'leafy' school for him where you can start afresh rather than trying to work through the damaged relationships with the original school?

Finally can you practically manage having four children in three schools across 13+ miles? With DD starting secondary can you realistically get everybody to and from all these different schools?

They won't deny him a place over this because that is managed centrally.

However this is not a good idea. You have made your feelings about the school known and you will not be able to have a working relationship with the school again,

If necessary find another school.

They won't deny him a place.

However, can you practically make it work with one at the old school, one at high school and two at a school 13 miles away? That would be my worry...

Well, they can't 'deny him a place' as it's not up to them. He'll be considered against the admissions criteria, same as everyone else. The first the schools know of who has applied is when admissions send them a list in April of who has been offered a place. Schools don't know before that who has applied, they don't know whether they were that family's first, second or third choice or whether they even applied at all, or were just given a place as a nearest available school with space because all their choices were oversubscribed. They only know if they weren't an original choice if that family choose to make it known (for example, through rejecting the place). They also won't know who applied but wasn't offered a place, unless those people choose to go on their waiting list.

If you applied and he doesn't get a place it will be because others who apply are higher on the admissions criteria (SEN, live closer, siblings etc - remember he won't have a sibling link anymore). It will not be because the school have rejected him as, like I said, they won't ever know you've applied. State schools don't have that sort of power to control who is or isn't admitted to their school.

However, this is a bad idea imo. Do you really want him to go somewhere where the staff are hostile towards you as a family? A place where they see you as 'that parent'? He's only been at the new school for one term and, especially at his age, it can take children a while to settle when there's a change. However, he will settle. He has another year in their nursery before starting Reception. By then he'll have loads of friends and forget the old ones. I'm guessing his old nursery teacher wouldn't be the one still teaching him when he starts school anyway, so I wouldn't use 'he misses the staff' as a reason for considering applying back to the old school for Reception either.

Stick with it, keep bigging it up to him and making the new school feel positive, otherwise he'll pick up on your own anxieties. It makes sense to have all 3 at the same school, otherwise you'd face a logistical nightmare (especially now your eldest is starting high school - that will be kids at 3 different schools!). Honestly, it's really not uncommon for a 3 year old to struggle to settle somewhere new. It doesn't automatically mean it's the wrong place for them.

You don't have to apply for his school place until January. Applications are open in the Autumn term but there's no benefit to applying early as it's not first come first served. Take your time to look around different schools, if you feel you need to. Whilst I think it will be difficult for you, logistically, my suggestion would be to apply elsewhere if you still feel this new school isn't right for him another term in. Try and find somewhere which feels more like the original, similar area/cohort etc. I definitely wouldn't go back though.

As others have said, it’ll have no bearing on whether he gets a place or not, but it really sounds like you burned your bridges with this school, the chances of a good relationship with them seem slim, and it will be a whole heap more upheaval for your youngest.

Yes you can apply to the school and places will be allocated strictly in accordance with the oversubscription criteria. Of course, by moving your older children you will have lost any sibling link, so you may be less likely to secure a place if there are more applicants than places. As others have mentioned, how will you manage to get primary pupils into school on time in two schools thirteen miles apart? Depending on when you withdrew your children, the school may have lost significant funding. Perhaps a meeting with the headteacher may be a good idea if you are thinking of moving the youngest back into the previous nursery.