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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

School being weird with me

28 replies

Lulybee · 23/07/2024 10:33

I’ll try to keep this short and concise.

My son is 9 and I’m pretty sure he has anxiety and/or autism. He’s been referred to CAMHS by the school and his GP but was referred back to the school nursing team and I’m waiting to hear from them. It’s been a good few months though.

Recently he had a chest infection and has been off for just over a week now because the original medicine he was given caused an upset stomach and he’s on different medication now. However, the school is being a bit strange with me. They’re calling while I’m at work asking to speak to him, he’s at home with his grandmother. They are demanding that I send proof that he’s on medication etc. It’s fine that they want to check up on him but it just feels accusational?

His attendance has been lower than I’d like this academic year but he has a lot of trouble going in some days. He has panic attacks and his teacher is so lovely and supportive about it. But the school aren’t really doing anything else to help with this. Now I’m not about to force my child into the car when he’s streaming with tears and I can genuinely see that this is really difficult for him. I’m not going to traumatise my child. He’s not my first child, I’m an experienced parent and my 16yr old is autistic so I know the signs. I’m not keeping my child prisoner or abusing him in any way and I understand that he needs an education. But is it really necessary for them to treat me like I’m doing something wrong? I’ve repeatedly asked for help and support regarding his attendance and his symptoms but it seems to be falling on deaf ears.

Does anyone know what I’m supposed to do in this situation? Do I need a solicitor or something?

OP posts:

jennylamb1 · 23/07/2024 18:10

May09Bump · 23/07/2024 17:55

I'd actually take comfort at them safeguarding your child - especially if SEN is present. During Covid lockdown we had police turn up for a safeguarding check, something notified of them of us not having contact with his school. Completely wrong as in good contact and easily sorted out, I asked my Son to speak to the officer independently and gave our school contact - done and dusted.

As you have provided evidence, offer them to speak to your GP to confirm that he is ill and let your mum confirm she is looking after him. Yes a faff for those doing the right things, but if it catches 1 neglected / abused child surely worth it. Or if something had gone wrong like those poor parents who suddenly die with children in the house, then help is given asap,

I'd focus on fighting for the support and help your son needs. I've also witnessed the early arrival, later finish (just 5 minutes) work well as a starter.

Also, a refocus with jobs - ie putting worksheets out for the class or energy monitor (making sure lights turned off / water resources used properly).

Yes, I remember Border Force questioning my son at Gatwick once because we have different surnames on our passports. Children do get abducted/trafficked and sadly some children do get neglected/abused so it's good that safeguarding procedures are rigorous.
I would try to work with the school as much as you can, the child is at the centre of everything for both of you.

Emmanuelll · 26/07/2024 08:56

I think that you should apply for an EHCP. It will take a long time and you are absolutely going to need one by the time he gets to secondary school.

What you could also do is ask the SENCO if your DS can go to school on a reduced timetable.

People saying 'it's the system', the system is required not to discriminate against a child who has SEN.

I've been where the OP, although not at primary school. My daughter's attendance was going down and down because she was afraid of the constant hubbub and ever present threat of the very unpleasant fire alarm going off. In the end, I had to take her out of school and home school.

Cailidgh · 10/01/2025 22:05

Have you considered home education? Schools rarely meet the mental or physical needs of children, they are constrained to tick their boxes. When a childs needs are obviously not being met at school, to cover their backs they often turn it into a witch hunt blaming the parents.

I am not anti school, and if your child conforms and enjoys it then brilliant, but if they have SEN or physical/emotional needs, and you are able to, home education would be better suited.

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