unhappy reception child. need help.

[Inarush]

my daughter is not enjoying reception. She has not made any special friends,mostly says that she's been lost and lonely at play time and is not reaching her potential in her class work. I've been playing down the prob for 2 terms now but am now feeling desperate for help.
She's fairly confident,sociable,good sense of humour, quite pretty.
she is now becoming negative, not like her.I worry that she's not learning in a positive way how to make friends and it will start to be a self fulfilling prophecy.
she's a sweet little giiirl and i know things aren't right at school but can't put my finger on what is causing this.

please, please any comments welcome.

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poor dd

have you spoke to the teacher?

you must talk to her teacher

is she being picked on?

do you haev friends over to play?

What does her teacher say about this? Are there any children you could invite to tea one day? Is she having a birthday soon where you could arrange a small tea party for her and a few friends?

not all children make special friends at reception level.

My DS1 (now year 2) had a very difficult reception year, but with hindsight I think that i was projecting my concerns on to him and he was responding by telling me that he had no friends IFYSWIM. If we tell them they should have lots of friends then they will feel a failure if they don't.

Have you had anyone round after school? That is great way of helping to ignite friendships that maybe aren't being fully made at school. Most kids just like being invited over so it really doesn't matter if they are best mates - just as long as they don't actively dislike each other IFYSWIM.

thanks. Yes. Have spoken to teacher twice.She's played down the prob, said that other people aren't as friendly as my dd (not sure what that means). I was ok with that but am now sure that she's struggling. think i need to ask for another meeting. any tips?
I suspect she might be getting picked on but have no evidence.

hmm reading between the lines that Does sound as though she may be having trouble with a child/children

have you asked her?

thanks for that. When I say no special friends, i mean just people who will usually play with her when she tries to play with them. not best friends or anything.
I think i try to play it down.i say things like, iwas like that (lie) there are others who feel the same, and worse.
she seems drawn to alpha females.she mentions a pair of them nearly everyday. nothing that sounds like bullying per say just @they wouldn't let me play, were unkind etc' hard to get nore detail out and play it down at the same time.

yes. i do have play dates but also work so not every week. once a fortnight probably.
Kaz would love to know more of what happened to your ds at this stage.

ist them its them

they probably arent bullying as such

talk again to teacher

enid. Do you mean it sounds like she might be getting picked on from the 2 girls i mentioned?
I'm not very experienced with this sort of thing.
Thank you.
Any tips on what to say to teacher?

I'd try and pop in to the school at odd times to get a first hand view of whats going on. I know this sounds a bit sneaky, but often its the only way to find out whats up. If you ask the teacher they'll always say everything is fine etc., and they'll try and put the problem back on you.

I took to booking a load of appointments for my DD which involved picking her up from school early (therefore I had to go into the class and/or playground to find her and take her to the appointment). On one occasion I found her in the playground with the class bully sitting on top of her with her hand down her throat (Reception children!). The playground supervisors only did something about it when I started shouting across to her.

Teacher and Head Teacher had always told me that everything was "fine" and that she was just playing me by saying that she was unhappy. Needless to say, I moved her school.

It is really miserable when your child is unhappy at school, I know!! I would suggest arranging a meeting with her teacher and discussing your concerns even if you have done this already, you still have the concerns so there may still be a problem. Have you thought about joining an activity outside school, maybe rainbows or a dance class? She might find it easier to mix socially in a different kind of setting. This would help you to see if the problem is just at school or with particular girls in her class.

Have you made friends with the school-gate mums? I now have two really good friends who I met when ds started and because we get together frequently, our children play happily together at the moment. They have swimming lessons together on a Saturday and we're all - mums and kids - having a sleepover tomorrow! We have no idea if the kids will like each other in the long term but at the moment they're happy and we know they look out for each other at school. So maybe that's a possible solution?