Page 3 | Moving schools - when they're happy and doing well?

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Mischance · 04/07/2024 14:27

5 miles is a mere pee in the sea ... round here lots of people travel 20 every day.
What you need to remember us that a family is only as happy as it's unhappiest child. I have lived through a child who is unhappy at school and it was hell for everyone.
Leave them where they are happy.

Ilovesmesomefriedchicken · 04/07/2024 15:10

CrazyPanda99 · 27/06/2024 12:22

I am going round in circles as to what to do. My sons (reception and Year 4) are very happy at their current (Ofsted outstanding) school and doing very well academically. I would have no reason to move them, other than we have just moved house (5 miles away) and we are no longer round the corner but a 20-25 minute drive in traffic, which I find quite stressful. We have an outstanding school 3 minutes walk from our new house. And they have just both been offered places to start in Sept (very lucky to have two places come up at the same time!)

Neither want to move - they have lots of friends, are happy and doing well. My thoughts are my Year 4 (going into Year 5) son would make friends for secondary (we moved to the area for the outstanding secondary where all of the locals go). Also, it would mean we would have local friends and feel part of the local community. At the moment I don't feel part of the school community as we're no longer local for playdates (driving backwards and forwards) and not part of the community where we live as not part of the school.

We either move them this summer or leave it until my older one leaves primary for secondary school. My older son is very anxious. He's sociable and popular when he's comfortable, but does not try new things and worries like an adult about things beyond his years.

What would you do?

Having gone through a similar situation myself, the move to a closer school was a great decision for us. My child also had some social anxiety, but made the nicest bunch of friends at new school and loves being able to walk too & from school with her friends, and to walk to each other’s houses outside of school now a little older.

Of course it will be a bit scary for them to move schools, but try get them excited about all of the positives that it will bring and let them know it’s ok to feel nervous and sad, but that it will pass and they will love their new school & friends also.

AgeingDoc · 04/07/2024 15:28

round here lots of people travel 20 every day.
Really? For state primary schools in the UK? Seems unlikely. I live in a fairly rural area and whilst 20+ miles is common for secondary, there are plenty of small village primaries so most people don't have to travel more than a few miles. To be 20 miles from your nearest primary school in this country you'd surely have to live somewhere very isolated and therefore by definition there won't be "lots" of people?
Besides which, even if you do live somewhere with no local schools the chances are that all or most of the children will be travelling to the same school and that the school will have plenty of pupils in the same situation. A high percentage of pupils at my DC's secondary school travel quite long distances from outlying villages so it's essentially the norm. That is a very different situation to being the "odd one out" in your neighbourhood because all the other kids go to the school a few minutes away, and being in the same situation at school because all the other pupils live nearby and see each other out of school. In that situation the OP risks her children not really fitting in either at school or with the local kids. It's not just a matter of the school run, there'll be a lot of effort needed to maintain relationships with school friends if they stay at the old school. One of my nieces is in that kind of situation at secondary and it isn't a position I would put a child in unless there was a very good reason.

MumonabikeE5 · 04/07/2024 15:31

Move them.

Notenoughtime23 · 04/07/2024 16:49

We recently moved to a new area and had no choice to change schools. I was so worried as my children loved there school and their friends but we are a week in and they have settled well already. My eldest is also a worrier. I think they are more resilient than we think

CrazyTortoiseLady · 04/07/2024 22:58

I’d move them now. It will be a difficult time but younger kids make friends more easily than leaving it until secondary school for your eldest.
keep having play dates with old friends so they can have those friendships outside of their new school. This will help with the transition

GreenFritillary · 04/07/2024 23:12

I was moved at the same age as the older one. There was no choice and everyone was just as kind in my new school. I could have coped with that. What was profoundly difficult was the way my friendships were devalued by my parents. It was not as easy in those days to keep in touch, but I was just told how easy it is for children to make new friends, as if people are interchangeable. I was even told, to try and make it easier to come to terms with having moved, that even if we had stayed in our old house, I was going to be moved to the Convent because I needed stretching (I liked school and worked hard and was always top of the class - at my new school I was put up two classes because I was so far ahead, so that was rubbish).
It is probably best to move them - anything else will cause problems in several ways. But do do all you can to show you value each friendship, and help them maintain it as long as they wish, as well as encouraging those in the new area.

Teenagehorrorbag · 07/07/2024 22:39

Move them. I moved a lot as a child as my Dad was in the forces, and it was fine. Children at primary are so adaptable and soon move on. Secondary is harder - so get them settled before that.

I know several people who moved both in and out of my kids' primary school, often with similar worries to yours. But afterwards they all said it was only a problem for a day or two. The younger they are, the more resilient, I think.

jadejie · 08/07/2024 17:19

I'd move them, happy mum happy family. You don't need the stress and resentment of the commute. However, as many said, it's important to sell the transit to them and make them to feel in charge and not you overule them. The end of the day, we all have to adapt to life and we can. It's the mentality that makes it easy to cope or unable to cope. If things go very bad despite your best effort, I'd consider some support from a child therapist to help with the transition as you don't want bad emotion to be hang over their head for a long time but hoepfully most kids do adapt and you won't need that. Good luck!

comoatoupeira · 02/03/2025 07:22

jumping on this thread as we’re in the same situation and wondering when is the best time to tell them? Before the end of the summer term, or just in the summer holidays? Reception and Y1 here.

Sugarstranded · 02/03/2025 07:31

I'd move them. I teach and children move between schools all the time. They generally all settle so I don't really buy the established friendship groups thing.

I'm confused (genuinely, not being snarky) how you've been offered places for September though? Surely the places are available now, in which case they should fill them if they can, or they're not in which case how do they know for sure they will be available I'm September?

Newbie887 · 02/03/2025 07:35

I would agree with pps and would move them, if possible after a holiday break (ie Easter or summer hols). Make sure in the first three or so weeks of starting at the new school that they have play dates / meet ups with friends from the old school throughout the week or at the weekend so they can understand they won’t be losing their friends. I might draw up a weekly timetable and write the play dates in there so they have a visual reference.

comoatoupeira · 02/03/2025 07:36

It’s an old thread, I asked for some advice about when to tell.
We have a place for sept because it’s a private school.

Sugarstranded · 02/03/2025 08:37

comoatoupeira · 02/03/2025 07:36

It’s an old thread, I asked for some advice about when to tell.
We have a place for sept because it’s a private school.

Apologies, see what you mean.

Moominmammacat · 02/03/2025 09:45

Sell it to them as an extra hour a day to play rather than sitting in a car!

comoatoupeira · 02/03/2025 20:24

Yes, new school will mean they will see more of their grandparents, I think we can use that ... also is near a nice park

HuiHue · 04/05/2025 22:17

Trying to make the decision of whether to move my children from their current school to the school closest to my house. I am a newly single mother, and my children (who will be going into reception and year 2 in Sept) currently go to a school 15mins drive away in a different community to the one we live in. I am finding I have less time to work due to being 1hr a day commuting, and I have found the past year very lonely as a single parent without the local school friendships and connections. I would really like to move them and the local school has space for both of them. However, my children are happy and settled where they are. I worry about them having more change and also how long it takes them to make friends as they are quite shy and my eldest has learning difficulties. But long term I know it’s going to get worse with their friends being in the different community to them as they will see them less and I will be driving them everywhere rather than them walking to see their friends, and on into secondary school etc. The local school is bigger but it has great facilities for learning difficulties.