Moving schools - when they're happy and doing well?

[CrazyPanda99]

I am going round in circles as to what to do. My sons (reception and Year 4) are very happy at their current (Ofsted outstanding) school and doing very well academically. I would have no reason to move them, other than we have just moved house (5 miles away) and we are no longer round the corner but a 20-25 minute drive in traffic, which I find quite stressful. We have an outstanding school 3 minutes walk from our new house. And they have just both been offered places to start in Sept (very lucky to have two places come up at the same time!)

Neither want to move - they have lots of friends, are happy and doing well. My thoughts are my Year 4 (going into Year 5) son would make friends for secondary (we moved to the area for the outstanding secondary where all of the locals go). Also, it would mean we would have local friends and feel part of the local community. At the moment I don't feel part of the school community as we're no longer local for playdates (driving backwards and forwards) and not part of the community where we live as not part of the school.

We either move them this summer or leave it until my older one leaves primary for secondary school. My older son is very anxious. He's sociable and popular when he's comfortable, but does not try new things and worries like an adult about things beyond his years.

What would you do?

I feel for you being in the situation you are in. I would say as others have 100% move them now, you are very lucky to have been offered for both children at the same time. We moved almost 100 miles a couple of years ago now our children were reception and year 3 at the time. As much as they might not like the idea of it now you need to think how your eldest boy will feel when it comes to secondary school if he ends up at a different one to all of his current school friends.

our eldest is about to start secondary in September and now has a great group of friends around him who he will be going to his new school with. Friendships are much easier for a children to establish whilst they are younger.

good luck I really hope it all works out for you

I would move them now, giving them a few weeks to settle in and make some local friends who they can then hopefully meet up with over the holidays. It means they won’t be spending the end of the summer hols worrying about starting a new school.

Move them. In my experience having moved in secondary and my 3 siblings moving in primary, they had a very smooth and easy transition.
Having local relationships and a good secondary school that's an easy transition are big benefits.
Speaking as someone who lives rurally and spends a lot of time in the car bringing 2 teens back and forth, having a local school and local friends is worth a huge amount.

Move them now, it won’t get easier. That school run is insane, what a waste of time and petrol. I moved school in year 5, it’s had zero impact on my life

Moving them would benefit you and not them. Is this about them or the inconvenience for you?
I don't mean that nasty but If my child was happy at school I wouldn't move.

That's a really silly view. It would be easier to leave when where they're happy. It's actually quite stressful for the parents and a risk. This would benefit the children a lot as they'll have local friends and secondary transfer won't be so stressful. If the OP doesn't move them now they'll soon have to deal with a y6 child moving to a secondary school where they know no one.

I definitely would not move my children in this situation. You’ve mentioned it’s an outstanding school, all of your children are doing very well and all have friends.

It think it would be extremely unfair on your part to change their life’s so drastically just because a 20 minute drive stresses YOU out. And YOU feel as though you aren’t a part of the community. Might sound harsh but I think that would be selfish on your part. I’d understand if it was 40-60 minute drive. But it’s 20-25 minutes..

Id only consider moving schools if my children weren’t getting on well in the school, if they had no friends or were getting bullied.

Your children are happy and you have the choice to keep them in the same school. If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.

We moved at similar times - DD in the last term of year 4 and then DS started in Reception in the September. We considered leaving DD where she was til the end of year 6 but in the end decided that life for everyone would be better if we bit the bullet and moved her.I t felt like a big deal for DD initially but she settled really quickly and then had the advantage of making friends who she would be going to secondary with. We didn't regret it. Children are very adaptable and as long as the new school is good they'll probably be fine. Having local friends will be a boon and the journey will get wearing with time.

We moved at similar times - DD in the last term of year 4 and then DS started in Reception in the September. We considered leaving DD where she was til the end of year 6 but in the end decided that life for everyone would be better if we bit the bullet and moved her.I t felt like a big deal for DD initially but she settled really quickly and then had the advantage of making friends who she would be going to secondary with. We didn't regret it. Children are very adaptable and as long as the new school is good they'll probably be fine. Having local friends will be a boon and the journey will get wearing with time. There's also no guarantee that you will get places at the new school in the future if you decide later that the travelling isn't working out.

I think it would be unfair on your youngest to leave him there another 2 years and then move him when he’s made friends. He will question why his brother got to finish at that school but he didn’t.

I think either move them both now or both of them stay until they leave in year 6. Your youngest would probably fit right in at his age but I feel for your eldest.

Personally I wouldn’t move them I’d just deal with the commute. There will be so many new people at high school it won’t matter.

I'd move them both now, it'll make life much easier all around. You need to think long term with the additional travelling, making local friends, cost of diesel. I would let the kids have an opinion for I'd make sure they know it's ultimately up to you and they need to accept it. After a couple of weeks there they will settle better. Is there any local summer clubs you can sign them up to?

I’d move them because of the secondary friends. If it doesn’t work - they can always move back?

I moved my sons to another area and school when they were 5, 7 and 9. They were upset, especially the oldest. However within a fortnight they had settled. The older one kept in touch with a couple of friends but soon made new ones.
Children adapt quickly.

I was moved mid term in my last year of school before starting secondary the following year. It was horrendous and I had no friends. It was their last year and everyone had their own cliques. I ended up with MH issues and my kind teacher kept me in at lunchtimes.

Secondary was no issue, everyone is new but the damage had been done.

I couldn't move my kids from the school they love. Could you enrol them in a club in your new village so they make friends that they'll be able to see at secondary?

I wouldn’t move them personally. I would even consider secondaries that the oldest’s friend is doing. Is there anyway to make the drive less stressful eg if you leave earlier? 30 mins isn’t terrible

It's a no-brainer for me. Continuing with a commute like that is silly when a place for both has come up at a great local school.

It's always tough when your children don't want to move but your eldest is 2 years away from having no choice but to leavie the comfort of what he knows anyway. Much better to do it now, to enable him to move up to secondary with friends. Primary schools will help a new child settle in (which he will in no time, kids are resilient). A secondary are unlikely to put anything different in place for a kid starting Year 7 not knowing anyone else as, in their eyes, all the kids are newbies. That will be so tough for him is ge literally knows nobody. Far far better to make the big switch now, in the safety of a nurturing primary environment. It will make the next, inevitable, change far less stressful.

I don't think the decision to move them now is selfish or only in your interests at all, as some have so rudely suggested. It will be an important step for all of you in terms of integrating with your new community, eliminating the need for a lengthy commute each day (which is tiring for all of you) and a ridiculous waste of money in petrol.

Moving now makes far more sense than keeping them where they all. Most kids are resistant to change. As parents, we need to do what we know is ultimately best for them. You wouldn't have not moved house just because your kids didn't fancy it and yet I'm sure they've adapted quickly to their new home? If it was up to our kids whether they moved classes at school each year or not, I bet many would say no thanks because kids like what they know. In reality, kids have no choice about that and yet they all adapt fine each year. So personally I wouldn't give them the choice. The move is necessary as a family and you'll help them to approach it positively if you handle it as something which needs to happen, rather than something they think they have control over.

They will be absolutely fine. Do it.

I would only move the youngest one and let the older one stay. If the primary school is really that close to the high school it is highly likely many of the children from all surrounding villages will go to that high school (that’s how it is for our area). If you move him he will lose his position on his current friend group and be the “new” kids in a school where friendship groups have already formed and are well established and he will be an easy target for bullying. And is very unlikely to have a place in either schools friendship group by the time he moves up.

If you were honest you already know what you're going to do. You moved to an area just for the schools. You didn't expect the kids to put a spanner in the works and now need your choice validated.

If it helps my parents moved me to a new primary school and I hated them for it at first. But I had a much better experience at the new place even though I loved the old school.

Is there anyway you could get the bairns in to meet the teachers and have a look around before the end of term? It might help

Definitely move them. The older one will meet a new group to move up to secondary school together. Much easier to make friends the younger you are I think.

you must be spending 2 hours a day on the school run. It’s too much and will impact on other areas of your life. You will also be able to meet some new local friends which you don’t really do with secondary school.

Get on a local Facebook group to see if you can meet up with any kids in his class in the local park or similar.

That is an utterly ridiculous statement. A new child at primary school is not "an easy target for bullying". Stop scaremongering.

Children move schools all the time. Settling in a new child is something primary schools are well use to doing.

Far from being a target for bullying, most of the time everyone wants to befriend the newbie as having a new child in the class is exciting.

They'll both make new friends in no time.

Do it now. But sell it to them first. Make it sound like thrill settle in and make new friends, ready for secondary.

Exactly.
The older child has 2 full years in the new primary before starting secondary, it's not like the OP is suggesting moving him at Easter in year 6! When they did a slide show of her year group through the years at my DD's Year 6 leavers' assembly there were loads of kids asking why there were no photos of her in the infants. They had genuinely forgotten that she had only been at the school for just over 2 years. All my children's primary classes had children come and go, and it's a small village school. I'm sure there is even more mobility in bigger schools. I don't imagine that the OP's children will be the only ones who join their year group over the time they are at school and I doubt very much that the existing friendship groups are closed shops who will ignore a new boy for 2 years!
If he were in year 6 I would probably advise the OP to grin and bear the journey for a year as if it's avoidable it's probably best not to move so close to the end of primary. But 2 years is plenty of time to be established in a new school and a long time to be doing an unnecessary journey when there is a good school on the doorstep. It will be disruptive for the children in the short twrm, but longer term they will settle much better in their new home if they are at the local school.

Not moving the children (especially the older one) is simply delaying the problem for a year and he could end up having a crappy year 6 because he’s not moving up to secondary with people her knows. Moving to a local primary means knowing people moving up to secondary and knowing people to play out with.

I moved my son in the summer holidays between year 5 and 6 and have no regrets. I felt bad at the time but there were other new starters and it made the transition to secondary easier. Eg He knew people he could walk to school with on the first day of year 7

Have you considered asking if he can join the class for the last week of term ? It would hopefully mean no summer holidays of dread fearing September and possible leads on friends to hang out with in the summer.