Am I crazy - considering moving DD after reception year

[WonderingHowIJoinedThePTA]

There's a big gap between DS (11 y6) and DD (5 yR).

Our house is in a school catchment dead zone for primary schools, with our catchment school being too small to take all the children in area and many surrounding schools being likewise. This lead to us needing to travel a fair distance, and the school I ended up picking was a single form primary on the far edge of town. One of his best friends from NCT went there too, and the position meant that almost everyone was travelling in rather than living locally.

Only now it's time for secondary school. About 2/3 of the class is going to a secondary the far side of the primary school, which we're miles out of catchment for. Some are going to a faith school that is near us, but we're the wrong faith. There are 2 very different secondary schools in the same academy trust close to us. The southern one is our catchment and very arts focused (the music and drama departments are amazing!) the northern one we just miss the catchment boundary by 50m and is STEM focused. We've got a place at the southern school and are the only one from the school. We're about 20 on the waitlist for the northern school but there are a couple of school friends going there.

DD went to the nursery attached to the primary school. She has friends in her class who have been there her entire life, through preschool with her and she loves her class. But a large part of me is thinking come secondary time she'll almost certainly be separated from all of them, and maybe it would be better to move her now into one of the local schools here (plus it would save me nearly 100 miles a week of back and forth driving on the school run). There's also a side point that the birth year is abnormally low for DD, so her class is currently only 21 and that's after gaining 2 mid year.

I really don't know what to do. I know that you have to accept a primary school place and transfer within 4 weeks in our area. So I can't apply for a transfer until July, but that's getting awfully close now!

Is it better to move at 6 and have friendships that carry on into secondary, or better to stay with the friends she already has where's she's settled knowing that she'll be going into a cohort of 210 at secondary without anyone she knows?

I think you should do what makes sense for you as a family. And less driving is most always a better choice.
At 5yo she will easily adjust to a new school and wont even remember changing schools when she is in secondary.

Mine changed at 7. At the time it seemed dramatic - she was scared to change, didn’t want to leave her old school. But fast forward to secondary - she really barely remembers anything negative about that move.

Finally - I wont worry too much about going to secondary without friends from primary. Kids change a lot. Most primary friendships dont survive secondary. Kids change and meet new friends.

If you are happy with the local schools I would probably move her for your benefit in the short term as well as hers in the long run. At that age kids are more flexible with friendships and usually adapt pretty quickly to a new school. If you can maintain some connection to the school or the friends she has through a club or play dates that would be ideal, even if only for a time, as it helps with the transition.

Our dc moved just before reception (long distance move) and then again part way through reception (weren’t happy with the school), and they are now y2 and thriving / very well settled. They do sometimes talk about missing their nursery in particular, which has been difficult as it is a long distance move, but when we query them they don’t actually remember much. They enjoy driving past the primary they briefly attended, and I think they are looking for that connection to their past.

Now is the perfect time to do it. I moved ds2 during the last term of reception year.

But what primary will your DD get into? You started your post essentially saying there weren’t any near you?

I moved house when DS1 was in y6 and DS2 had just finished reception. They were fine. I regret moving but not because if the schools. I moved schools a LOT growing up, and changing primary school is 100x easier than changing secondary. It gets harder the older you get, because younger kids are more friendly and welcoming than older kids.

I would move her for September, see if you can do a few trial days in July, then find if there's anyone she got on well with on the trial days and going into Yr1 wants to meet up in the summer holidays.

It sounds like a move would make sense, and she'll probably settle quickly. I wouldn't worry about waiting to make the move at the end of the school year - arguably she'll have a better summer if she's already met her new class and begun to make some local friends - try and meet mums at pick-up and swap numbers so you can arrange playdates over the summer.
If your nearest schools have spaces in her year group now, it may be better to get in quickly.

I would definitely move her so that she can make local friends and reduce all of that driving. I wouldn't be worrying about secondary at this point as all the friendships change so much and change again in Year 7.

I’d move her too! This is after moving my DS for year 2 (after being somewhere since nursery but it closed) and then year 3 (made more sense logistically as sister moved and more of less guaranteed to 18) and I lose track of the sleepless nights I had about it.
Whilst it took a while to settle the second time, he has his friendship group and is happy there. He still sees a few of his old friends from his last schools in the holidays but doesn’t yearn after them as I thought!

I guess it depends on the actual area you live in but you can’t guarantee your child will move from primary to secondary with their friends (and it doesn’t matter if they don’t).

my son moved from our local primary to our local secondary, only 8 from the primary went to the same secondary and they were all in different classes. All of his close friends went to different secondary schools for various reasons.

you can’t know what the situation will be for your DD in y6 but if convenient it won’t harm to move her now.

We had a similar predicament.

Dd was end of yr 2, ds was end of reception. We moved out of the area (a few miles not far) and could have travelled back for primary but chose to go to the local school so moved the children on the September. Both of them settled perfectly despite (my) worries they wouldn't cope! Dd went to high school 3 yrs ago with a couple of very good friends, but now has a bigger group of about 8 close friends.
Ds is just finishing yr 7 and has a group of about 20 friends.
Personally, I would take that leap again x

I’ve had children that moved halfway through year 2 (aged 6), and halfway through year 5 (aged 10). Both coped absolutely fine, settled really quickly and made lovely new friends. However, my eldest started a secondary school where he knew no-one from the 45 boys in his year (split over two classes). He is quite quiet but still coped fine - he very quickly made new friends (all his primary friends went to the local comp for year 7 whereas he went to a small selective primary a little distance away). We have found that the friendships changed over year 7 anyway - the boys he initially made friends with weren’t actually ones he had a lot in common with, but gradually through sports etc he has found loads of friends more similar to himself.

If it were me I would move her sooner to save yourself the time and fuel, but also because younger children tend to make friends very quickly and not be too anxious about starting a new school, but equally I think it’s perfectly reasonable to start a secondary where you don’t know anyone.

I changed school at the end of year four. I do remember it. It wasn’t fun as the school was much better academically so I felt a bit lost for a while. However, I soon settled, made friends, pretty much forgot my old friends and got on with things. It was a good move in the end.

It's better to move then when they're younger. It's also better to go to school as near to catchment as possible as that's where friends will be out of school hours.

I would move now.
I started secondary knowing 1 other person and we weren’t in the same form class, not even in the same half of the year to be set mixed with, circa 25 years ago. I hated it then and I still hate it now. I have no long term friendships. No-one I trust and rely on. I was a shy child and am now a very anxious woman/mother. Maybe that was to blame, maybe it wasn’t but I feel very aware I have no-one I can rely on, who knows me inside out. I have purposely made schooling choices for my children based on where we plan to be living in future, which means a commute now that can be stressful, but I hope gives them the chance, or makes the difference for them. 🤞🏽

Friendships completely change in secondary. At our secondary school, about 5 enter from each of the surrounding primary schools (it’s a grammar). All put in different classes. No one retains their primary friendships!
Also, your dd will not care 2 hoots changing school. Those children are not her best friends, she’s 5 years old: proper loyal, lasting friendships are still a LONG way off .. they’re a group of children she’s familiar with, very easy to replicate hundreds of times over if need be!

I don’t think your decision should be related to friends in ANY way, that would be silly. I think do what’s easiest for you, and also gives a better education.