Tips to backseat drive start of primary

[Phunny]

Hello

I work away and my DH does drop off / pick ups at nursery nearly every day. He does majority of childcare & housework (he does work too) but I have ended up still with the old “mental load” including when DS needs Sun cream in nursery bag, new water bottle, early pick up on x day etc.

i have a feeling this isn’t going to work when DS starts school in September, partly because there seems to be a lot more “mental load” And partly because it barely works now. But when I gently suggest DH needs to eg add things to calendar, he doesn’t disagree but doesn’t do it either. He is v laid back and I am not.

on the one hand I feel I need to let him get on with it and if the odd ball is dropped, then that’s ok. On the other, I am worried about DS turning up in purple on wear Orange day.

any advice wise mumsnetters?

I don't think it is going to be easy if you are not laid back and your husband is, but maybe put his email address and phone number as main contact so he gets all newsletters and last minute emails about wearing orange the next day and get him to join the parents whatsapp group. Have you talked to him about your concerns? I think an open honest discussion with agreed shared responsibilities could be helpful.

Just have a calendar (I’ve always used the old fashioned paper one) pinned up in the kitchen/fridge. Somewhere you look often.

Every time you read - sports day/mufti day/ world book day etc, write it on the calendar. Nothing is forgotten then.

Alternatively, download a calendar app that both parents use and update. Easy.

Nothing bad will happen if they wear orange!

I would get a purse for his bag with a few ££ for cake sales -

Get in the habit of going in his bag for letter and reminders.

Joint calendar works as well.

Things like PE kit washed and back in the car in a PE bag - back to school every Monday so it’s done.

Thanks all, so appreciate the quick responses. Sorry for the drip drip I should have clarified that I am away overnight most of the week. So I won’t be there to fish letters out of bags or make sure the pe kit goes to school etc. but I will buy a big calendar in advance and encourage its use by us all - thank you!

Oh and also I think if I were at the school gates I would be trying to make some mum friends partly to arrange play dates etc. that just isn’t my DH. Can’t make him do that kind of thing of course, I am just feeling guilty that my work is going to make things a bit (a lot) harder than it would be.

Put DH as the principal contact for school.
Learn to let go. Watch him muck it up for a bit, but he'll learn.

Sunday night family meeting. Transformed things for us. We have a big whiteboard with a chart on - days of the week across the top, names down the side. We write on each day what each person is doing, and anything out of the ordinary (packed lunch, dress like a Victorian, late meeting at work), we go through personal diaries and the school what’s on newsletter to make sure we include everything. Quick scan of the following week so that anything that needs a high level of prep (eg source Victorian child costume) is on that week’s to do list.

We also have a school bag checklist.

Make sure your DH is on the mailing list, any school apps, and any what’s app/Facebook groups.

We have a chalkboard in the kitchen with things to remember for each day - PE kit, swim kit, etc.