School say that parent *has* to attend school trip or child can't go

[Sunnymoonshine]

I have a young child who can get upset easily and sometimes needs time out to re-regulate. She's been on school trips and has been OK, but the teacher has been concerned in case she gets upset and is a distraction for the staff. For the last trip, the teacher asked me two days before if I could attend. I couldn't get that time off, so they found an extra school staff member to attend instead (and all was fine). There is another trip coming up and the teacher has told me at drop off that if I don't attend then my child won't be allowed to attend the school trip. I understand that it is difficult to look after so many children, but it's also difficult for me to take time off my job (and I feel like with all the day-time meetings and events and lack of wrap around care, this particular school really doesn't think that most mums work).

The school obviously doesn't think that it should have to provide extra support for the school trip from its own staff. I was wondering if anyone had heard about any similar policies where a school has told a parent that they have to attend a school trip or their child can't attend?

@AlltheFs you clearly don't understand how schools work. The school has found from past experience that to make sure the Op's dc and other are safe on the trip is to have an extra adult with her. They don't have a member of staff to spare but don't want the child to miss out and are trying to solve the problem. Taking children out of school on a trip is a massage responsibility and the school wants to be sure everyone will be safe.

Meh. You and I both know there are a good number of parents with the time to volunteer but don't (surprising how many crawl out of the woodwork when a trip is threatened with cancellation, or who can come to - but never man a stall at - the PTA fair, or the disco, or who are up in arms that the school has the audacity to request support from parents who DO have the capacity but won't.

(20 years volunteering and working in schools)

I’ve known specific parents go with their kids on trips for various reasons. You’re not being singled out - it’s just a sad fact of life that schools are under resourced and it might be that the person who helps before is needed elsewhere or no longer available. If it’s only once a term/year can you or a relative do it?

Sorry but your attitude towards the school has annoyed me - they clearly are trying to sort it.

What do you suggest they do - magically find someone suitable??

Schools don't have a supply.of available adults for this kind of thing!!

I’m really not bothered what you think, I’m posting for the OP’s benefit.

Schools are often stretched and those that make the most fuss, get the most help. It shouldn’t be that way but it is. If it was my child I’d be making damned sure that my child gets what they need, being passive gets you fuck all.

Exactly. Our school is always begging for parent volunteers, so that trips can go ahead, as the staff numbers have been pared back to the bone. I’m still working on getting my DD an EHCP, but for school trips I have to find someone who can go with her (unfortunately I am now partially disabled and not much use for such things). Otherwise, she doesn’t get to go.

Exactly.

And the OP doesn't want the 'label' associated with SEN...yet expects the support from school to provide extra resources as their child clearly needs it.

The OP's attitude pisses me right off. Get your child assessed so they can get the support they clearly need.

I meant massive responsibility not massage!

As has been said, you can’t pluck a spare person out of thin air to accompany a trip and there are risk assessments that would need to take place, as well as ensuring that the extra person is DBS checked. Imagine the furore if there was an incident and the helper didn’t have that check. Clearly, as the child’s carer, it’s not necessary for the OP.

@AlltheFs I think kicking off in this situation, will get you tagged as ‘that parent’. You are advocating that the OP makes a fuss and that isn’t helpful for anyone.

Difficult is a label OP, naughty is a label, easily upset is a label. If you don't want your child labelled then get her properly assessed.

ASD is a diagnosis and you're doing her a huge disservice IMO.

I’m very happy to be “that parent”. Being liked by teachers is not my priority in life.

What type of behaviour does your child display when upset? Do they hurt themselves or others? Do they run off? Sometimes it's necessary for parents to attend school trips. Sounds like the school is doing the right thing. Your attitude towards the school is atrocious though.

The parent going along to every trip isn’t helping the situation- the child needs support so that they don’t need parental input going forward. Either through diagnosis and the right support or resilience so they can manage on their own.

The easy option for the school is for the parent to tag along so they have to do precisely nothing to change the situation. That’s not helping anyone for the long term.

Schools often need their hand forcing to make adjustments, they will only do it when they have no choice. I’ve seen plenty of people have schools want to pretend that a child doesn’t need intervention because they don’t want to fund it, but they are quite happy for the parent to pick up the slack.

It’s the same issue as social services and elder care pushing the burden on to families. And “nice” people get taken for a ride there too.

Do you have a husband/partner? Is he available?

I do think when there's no diagnosis of anything then parent needs to go. Or they've given you a perfectly OK solution - they sit with another class for the day.

You expect the school to just find someone, like there are TAs and spare teachers just sitting about?
No class teacher has enough support for all the additional needs in every classroom. Your child is just one... and if she needs that much support you need to provide it.

I don't see why solving the short term problem precludes the long term solution e.g. getting the ball rolling on an EHCNA. It's not one or the other.

Just withdraw her from the trip and let her stay at school.

I don't think this parent's attitude is 'atrocious,' she is doing her best under challenging circumstances as most of us have done at some point. The school is clearly struggling with staffing, her child has probably got some additional needs, she is a working parent. There are no 'ideal' outcome s. I would pursue some sort of diagnosis, our son had similar issues, in order for her to be supported at school.

@AlltheFs it's not that schools don't want to fund support, they can't. There's no money.

Cool. Her kid gets to stay behind then.

Yes. That is what should happen.

and will if she doesn't go.

If you want the 1:1 support that school feels she needs on a school trip, then you may have to go down the EHCP route - even if you don’t want her labelled. That’s how schools access the funding for the support.

They can always find money. It’s just a case of what they prioritise. I’ve been a govenor in a large learning trust. They all plead bloody poverty but some of them are very poorly managed financially.

Some primary schools don't ask for volunteers. My DP found this out when the head changed for his older DC.

There as our DD's school asks for help but doesn't always give enough notice. Luckily there is currently always a couple of parents who will volunteer