Primary school child refusing school

[Troubledprimarymum]

I wonder if anybody who has had a child in this situation might be able to advise.
My child (11) (A student) in the top set at school, very bright, quiet, works hard, can be a perfectionist, has started to refuse school saying the teacher is picking on them every day. Child, has never been in any sort of trouble whatsoever, and has no idea why this is happening or how to respond to it. Child's response so far is to run to the bathroom and cry quietly before returning to seat only for it to happen again.

The teacher in question is young and from speaking to parents whose children had the same teacher last year, has had meetings over treating children unequally.

From listening to child all year, this teacher seems really immature. Plays pranks every single day on colleagues and gets the children to carry out the pranks. Doesn't show up some Monday mornings and seems short tempered telling the children that he isn't there to help them (?), plays TikTok videos during the day for the kids as well as as sports channel and then complains the kids haven't finished their work.

I've thought it was all exaggerated but child is now saying they aren't going to school as the teacher spends the day picking on one or two kids (and now it appears to be my child's turn).

While its near the end of the school year, I'm reluctant to let it go. There are a lot more specific examples but they may be outing.

What have you done in this situation.

You have two options, contact the teacher - explain your DC is starting to refuse to go to school because they feel picked on, but it depends on your relationship with the teacher and how important you feel the other issues are.
Or
Contact the head and give the details and ask them to investigate. Keep it factual and unemotional and stick to facts. I would ignore the Monday morning bit as the head will be aware of that anyway.
But examples could be:
DC reports that they are watching TikTok videos, this happened on dates X and Y and they were about Z. (I would be very surprised if any primary allowed TikTok on their server, it is usually banned.)
DC was asked to join in on X prank on Mr Y on this date and felt uncomfortable.
DC feels picked on because their teacher said A and B on date and then C happened etc.
End by saying you’d like DC to end their year on a positive note and please could you investigate my concerns and get back to me.

I don’t have the dates though. According to DC it’s every other day but I can’t say that factually. I wish I had kept written details.

For the first few months, DC thought he was a great teacher as they didn’t have to do much work, he often didn’t give homework etc. After Christmas DC started to complain that he was playing videos on his phone loudly in the classroom when they were supposed to be working and was finding it hard to concentrate due to where DC was sitting.
Other things included clearing all merit points of particular children in one swoop when they were off sick and sending the kids to other classrooms with errands compromising of silly riddles to repeat to other teachers.
DC said other teachers closed the classroom doors in their faces a couple of times and said they didn’t find it funny when their class was interrupted.

I should have kept a diary so I’d have dates but tbh I don’t know if it would have counted because I asked for a meeting after one particular incident that I was unhappy to hear about and he denied it had ever happened?

Are you sure there is any foundation for this? If they are newly qualified there will be supervision and oversight of their work and behaviour. Could it be a bit of post Sats fun? You need to insist your dc attends, it will become more tricky at secondary.

Teacher sounds like a twat. I’d definitely raise it with the headteacher. It sounds like other children and other teachers could back up what your DC is saying.

It’s not that near the end of the school year and it doesn’t sound like there’s much effective teaching and learning going on.

At first I was sure it was exaggerated, then I hoped it was as it was too much to believe. But the stories have been consistent since Christmas.

I spoke to a parent whose child was in the teachers class last year The child’s father was still disgusted and angered by it (even though his child had left) as he was so annoyed the teacher was getting away with it.

DC was saying some of the kids were worried about their tests too as they hadn’t covered all the coursework during the year.

If you haven’t got the dates, then still go to the head and say my DC is saying X and Y is happening in class and they are feeling picked on because of A and B. Please could you or another member of the leadership investigate what is going on as DC is reluctant to go to school and I’d like them to have a great last few weeks. By asking the head or leadership team to investigate, it’s more neutral than going in and saying my DC says X and Y is happening and I want it dealt with. I wouldn’t be happy with TikTok videos being shown and would raise it.

Going by my experience I would completely trust my child’s reading of the situation. I would band together with other parents and force this teacher out. Failing that I would get my child to change classes or change schools, or at a pinch homeschool. Don’t expect the school to take any action, you will be stuck like I was going through endless meetings up the hierarchy and nothing gets done while your child develops a serious anxiety disorder.

Op dc is 11 so likely moving to secondary in September anyway (unless a middle school) . Flag concerns by all means but unlikely to resolve much in half a term. As to forcing a teacher out, unless there is evidence of gross misconduct such as Safeguarding issues an investigation and disciplinary process has to be followed.

Can I ask if you’re in the uk?
It is unusual for primary age children in this country to have coursework or end of year tests to worry about. The only end of year tests most primary schools use are SATS and they’ve been done already.
I’m pretty surprised you haven’t already been in contact with the headteacher about this. This teachers behaviour is all very odd. In a primary school in England showing the kids tik toks and playing pranks on staff wouldn’t really be acceptable.

In a primary school in England showing the kids tik toks and playing pranks on staff wouldn’t really be acceptable

A teacher has just been struck off for showing and making tiktocks amongst other things so that's a good place to start.

I'm a primary school teacher and I would believe my child is she said all of this. I've come across teachers like this in my career. He is treating them like friends whilst having power over them. He's probably used to having people to bounce off and in KS2 there isn't usually an adult so it can be quite lonely. Which people don't necessarily think about when they decide to become teachers.

This. There’s just a certain type of teacher, often but not always in the young side, who feel a need to act like “one of the guys/girls.” There was generally one of these per school I attended. The problem is that being seen as cool by a bunch of children or (especially) teens isn’t usually compatible with doing your job. Like the kids they are imitating, they sometimes bully the nerds/quiet kids, who also tend to be the students that don’t laugh at their jokes and antics.

In my district they were usually weeded out quite early, but there was an English teacher who spent about twenty years showing movies. Until the new principal arrived and got rid of him within her first year on the job.

I'm a primary school teacher and I would believe my child is she said all of this. I've come across teachers like this in my career. He is treating them like friends whilst having power over them. He's probably used to having people to bounce off and in KS2 there isn't usually an adult so it can be quite lonely. Which people don't necessarily think about when they decide to become teachers.

I think this is probably the case. He was heavily involved in team sports (the kids know his background) hence showing them numerous videos of the particular sport and he may well be lonely in the classroom. One day he is acting like he’s one of them and the following day he is thundering around in a mood. My DC is so anxious as the inconsistency is not something DC can cope with. Previous teachers have been both strict, fair, good and bad but not anxiety inducing.

The school has always had class assessments throughout the year (carried out by themselves). This teacher didn’t do them this year. Something must have happened as DC said the teacher arrived into school in a very bad mood and told them they were having tests and did all the tests they would usually have done throughout the year in one day. The class were exhausted and really worried.

I went in once before and he said it didn’t happen. But I gather parents have gone in previously to no avail.

DC cried going to bed last night declaring they weren’t going in. When I said that attending school was a legal requirement, DC told me that many of the children being picked on don’t attend the following days, and DC not attending would be expected? DC did go in the end and i
am very worried. I can’t accuse a teacher without facts or proof. I wish classrooms had CCTV that the Head could access. I really do.

What have you done in this situation

You might not have dates but I'd still do what @Ionacat says. Be factual.

How new to teaching is he? How much time is he on PPA and not teaching the class?

To be honest, if she doesn't want to go I wouldn't make her as I believe what she's saying.

He’s about twenty five., maybe older. Not sure if he went straight into teaching. I think so. He is full time in the classroom.

It is a legal requirement to go to school but I don't think I would send her, honestly I don't. I think it's more important that she isn't in this situation and that she knows you believe her. It's only Friday and she's already worried about it and for most year sixes this half term is the best.

Would she consider going to another school for this half term, one that feeds in to her secondary? I realise that is a huge deal but you have found yourself in a really difficult situation here. It's not right and it's not fair.

they sometimes bully the nerds/quiet kids

DC fits this description. We have done so much confidence building work (at a substantial cost) and now it’s being pulled apart….

He is full time in the classroom.

He must be out half a day on PPA, maybe they have PE or music with someone else at this time. I was just trying to work out if he was an ETC and therefore being more closely monitored. If he is he will have a full day where he is not teaching.

I wish classrooms had CCTV that the Head could access. I really do.

That really wouldn't be appropriate for all manner of reasons.

If he is using TikTok, etc in class via the school's network - it could get through as usually teachers have different access rights to the pupil accounts - then there will usually be records of this that the IT manager can access. We can get reports on such matters.

Other staff should be able to account for the pranks and riddles, etc if they've been in the receiving end. If this happens a fair amount I'd be surprised if the school's SLT aren't aware of it as surely other staff would have told them.

The school will have evidence of missing work and assessments. So you don't need dates for these. The class books will be evidence enough, along with the tracking data - most schools need the completing each term and has internal moderation between staff.

Whilst the picking on pr bullying of pupils will be trickier to pin down if there are sufficient reports from the class then these can be investigated more easily than if it is just one.

You need to email the headteacher with your concerns if it's as widespread as your post suggests.

Do you know any other parents in your child's class? You must talk to the head about this, the teacher's behaviour is outrageous. If a few of you are all saying the same thing, the head will have to take it seriously.

If he is a new teacher he will have the equivalent of a full day a week out of class for PPA and ECT time. At 25y he may well already have completed his ECT time (2 years) so will have half a day equivalent out of class.

However, even during ECT years he won't have constant supervision and monitoring inside the classroom, just the odd observation and monitoring. During this his books, planning, etc should be checked though so things such as missing work and assessments ought to have been picked up on, especially if it's regularly happening.

Are you in the UK?

He’s definitely on his own. Maybe he is older then. I probably assumed he was younger because of his behaviour.

I even if he was an ECT he would be in his own in the classroom day to day. At 21y dd (and I) was teaching in our own in classrooms as newly qualified teachers.

ECT just have extra time off timetable and more observations/monitoring throughout their first two years. They also get an extra 10% of planning/prep time each week - so around a day in week.

I assume the class also has no Ta support?

The school will have evidence of missing work and assessments. So you don't need dates for these. The class books will be evidence enough, along with the tracking data - most schools need the completing each term and has internal moderation between staff.

I think this is why they had a full day of assessments as they had to do all the missed ones. I’m confident the school are already aware of this and he was told/asked for records he couldn’t produce.

You don’t need CCTV. Just simply contact the head and say your DC says X and Y please could you investigate and get back to me as DC is not wanting to go to school. Most heads will be fine with that and go off and investigate further. They may not then be able to tell you of their actions just that they are going to address A and B. Heads do tend to dig their heels in if parents try and throw their weight around and say X and Y has to happen without letting the head investigate and it starts to get trickier if parents are banding together and it starts to look like a witch hunt. Most Heads also don’t like parents just keeping their children off because they don’t want to go without giving them a chance to resolve it.

I always caveat with most! There’s always some rogue ones out there but most are generally human if things aren’t right want a chance to try and put things right.