So scared to move DD school

[Whichhousetochoose]

DD is 5, currently in reception & will be going into year 1 in September.

We are moving to a different town in a couple of weeks (about 10-15 min drive away), so she will continue at her current school until the end of the school year (we will drive her in & pick her up each day).

However, I know in the longer term we really should move her to a school in the new area but Im so scared to actually do it. Shes quite a nervous child & i cant bear the thought of her being upset at a new school where she doesn't know anyone. She’s already voiced this is as a concern.

Question is - should we move her to a new school (which would be a 20 minute walk from the new house) OR keep her at her current school which she loves? I wonder how tiresome it would get doing it for years, and if she went to the secondary school there as well, we would be looking at 11 years of doing that drive.

Whilst a 15 minute commute to her current school doesnt sound too bad on paper, it includes driving up the motorway by one junction. Takes 15 mins on quieter days (Mon, Thurs, Fri) but on busier days (Tues, Weds) it could take 25-30 mins as theres only one road out of the new town (which is the motorway junction!) So its not a straight forward 15 minute drive.

I suppose the other issue is that as she gets older, she will want to socialise with her friends outside of school which wont be so essy if we are living in a different town. Also if we have another DC (currently trying) that could be a bit of a logistical nightmare!

What would you do?! ill need to apply for the new school next week, so really need to make a decision!

This is a tricky one.

My DD was unhappy at school so I made the decision to move her. She is now at a school that is 10-15 minute drive away (15 minutes is the absolute max travel time including walking from the car to the school). She's been there for over a year and the travel really isn't bothering either of us.

At the old school, DD's unhappiness was starting to pervade every area of our lives and her personality. She would be withdrawn for the first half hour after school every day, spend the weekend talking about not wanting to go to school next week and would wake up on school mornings really quite down. I was amazed at the impact on her overall happiness and as time went on I started to worry that it might put her on a negative path for her entire education. She's much happier at her new school and that makes life much better not just for her, but for me as well. Having experienced this I won't move DD from her primary school now that she's happy.

Having said that, I recognise what DD is missing out on by not living in the same village as all her school peers and this will only become more pronounced as they get older and her friends are walking home from school together etc.

Perhaps you could leave DD where she is until such a time where things aren't going so smoothly at her current school and then give her the option to change.

@INeedNewShoes thank you for sharing your experience! I guess thats what im worried about - if shes unhappy at a different school it will have a big impact in other areas of our lives. Shes definitely the type who would spend the weekend worrying about it! I perhaps wouldnt be so anxious if she wasnt such a sensitive little thing! Glad to hear your DD is happy at her school! 🙂

have you had a chance to check out the closer school? Any thoughts on how it compares vs.her current one? Have you spoken with her about it? What are catchments for secondary like - are they the same/overlapping?

on one hand, that commute sounds fine - we have similar, but we are also rural so always had that expectation/ don’t have a significantly closer option. All of the other kids are also rural, so it isn’t like they miss out on village life

on the other hand, it would be much easier for her to adapt to a change at this age than in a few years time. Friendships tend to be pretty superficial at this age, and if there is an adjustment period it would likely be forgotten in time.

on balance I would probably lean towards moving her uf the other school is just as good, she would miss out on a village life where she can walk/bus to friends, and there is a risk of being split from friends in second due to catchment. Assuming she is amenable. If those things don’t apply, I would probably keep her where she is happy.

We moved our DDs at the end of reception, btw. They love their new school (y2 now), but sometimes still say they miss their old one - the funny thing is that when I ask them about what they miss it is mostly made up, like fictional characters and things that never happened. Some of what they remember was actually nursery. I think they don’t actually remember much from the old school, but have this vague memory of things changing and have built their own mythology around it.

It sounds like moving has long term benefits.
I'd risk it myself. You can always move back.

Be careful not to mythologise the old school yourself, it isn't perfect I assume.

I moved DC1 twice in primary school. First due to relocation to a new area - we were allocated the 6th closest school. The 2nd time was to get him to a school he could walk to.
Yes it was an upheaval but he settled in well. Most schools are pretty good at integrating new DC in a school - long term it's much better to have local friends.
Definitely go and have a look at the new school and talk to the teacher.

One of my son's friends moved areas. His parents did the drive. They also drove to the further away highschool too. With primary they didn't want to move two happy settled boys. For highschool the one that primary fed into had a much better reputation than their local one.

It's not an easy call.

Believe me the commute to a school gets very tiresome! We moved our two for this reason. The youngest one was in yr2 and was absolutely fine! At that age the kids love having someone new in class and everyone wants to be friends them. Mine settled quickly and made friends quite easily.

Just move her, she'll be fine, especially after the long summer holiday. Children move all the time, especially in the early years.

What are the chances of her being able to get into a secondary school in the area you're moving away from? I think I'd say to move her to a school in the new area now rather than risk having to start a secondary school in the new area when she knows no one at all if you can't get a place in the old town.

Ring your choice of new school and ask is they have a place for her. They may be full.

If there’s a place available book to go in and talk to them so you can find out about the school and how they’ll help your DD to settle. Then arrange a visit for DD.

I'd move her. Have a look around the new school for sure to check it out. But go for it. There is never a good age to move schools but it will definitely get much harder as she gets older. If you don't do it now you will never do it.

There is a lot to be said for having local friends. She will likely keep a couple throughout all her schooling. As she gets older she will miss out on little extra freedoms with her friends like walking home together and trips to the local park. Which mine loved and felt so grown up.

If she is shy she won't like having to sit in the office after school having to wait for you whilst you are stuck on the motorway in a traffic jam either 🫤

One of my children is a little delicate but I think it's necessary to face these challenges head on in a positive way as resilience is very important to develop. Believe me she will need it in bucket loads by the time secondary school comes xx

I agree with thinking about secondary school catchment and whether the schools are oversubscribed.

I've moved ds at the beginning of year 1 from less than 5 minutes walk to a ten minute drive. It was a hard decision as he was happy but the school was woefull. He very quickly settled

PP are right to raise the point on secondary schools.

Do you plan to send DC to a school local to your new home? If so I would definitely look at moving school. The transition to secondary school is a lot trickier than moving primary school. If she knows a few people already that will be really helpful.

I'm a Primary School TA and its amazing how new children settle in and make new friends.

As PPs have said you could always move back if if doesn't work out. DD has 2 friends who moved to her school and then a change in circumstances meant they moved back to their old school! So it does happen.

My 11 year old moved in year 3. It was a wrench and I thought I’d made a terrible decision but now in year six they can barely remember anything from the old school.

I would move her if there's space to do so, at that sort of age, friendships aren't fixed and she will make new friends. Can she do some clubs over the summer in the new area to meet children as well?

I'd definitely look at secondary options although these may change over 6 years - but I think it's much harder being the kid who doesn't know anyone in Y7.

I have been to visit the new school. It seemed a nice enough school, one of my friend’s little boys goes there too (although he is older). Just little things seem different, like they dont invite parents in for presentation assemblies like they do at DD’s current school (obviously not a reason to stay at the same school but its little things like that ill miss!!) There are currently 3 places available, when I went to look around another lady there was also looking for a year 1 place.

Re secondary schools - the secondary in the ‘old’ area is the only one in the town & is never oversubscribed. Interestingly, I believe a few children who live in the new town attend this school so she shouldnt have a problem getting in. Ironically, there are about 4/5 secondaries in the new town, and a good 2/3 are always oversubscribed!

Thanks so much for sharing your insights so far!

Also did think about doing clubs over the summer hols, but she would absolutely hate anything where I had to drop her off (dont get me started on summer holiday clubs, thats a whole other thread!) 😂 if she gets in, i was thinking of posting on one of the local facebook sites asking if anyone has a child at the school in her year group who might be up for a park playdate over the summer so that she has a familiar face.

Have you asked how they transition from reception to year 1?

Just be aware that the change between reception and year 1 is often quite big (sadly 😢) Your dd may dislike the 'year one way' compared to her fun reception class and this could make her less keen on the change. Could you have another look to help you make up your mind?

My last dc was still at our primary school when we moved house and it was around a 7 minute drive each day. It was a bit annoying tbh, but we made it through!

@ProfGlow i did ask at the time. I cant remember the exact answer but they reassured me that it would be a gradual change in terms of play, sitting at desks etc.

If im honest with myself, I REALLY dont want to move her. But in the longer term (the travel, socialising outside of school etc) its probably for the best. I guess, as others have pointed out, that she could always move back if she really hated it.

This is definitely the worst part about this house move! At least she will have a 6 week gap between the schools with the summer holidays as well, hoping that will help.

Pros of a local school

Local accessible friendships
less of a commute
after school activities ( not now but when she is older)
evening performances for plays and concerts
part of a local community ( summer fairs, Brownies etc)
support if you need help from others to get her to and from school in an emergency

I suggest you make your own con list for the local school, then a pro and con list for the current school. There will be things that I haven’t thought of, things which won’t apply to you but you need to use your rational head as well as your heart.

Update - i applied for the closer school to the new house and she didnt get in, even though there were 3 places available for reception/going into year 1! And the ironic thing is that I was gutted!

Ive requested she be added to the waiting list & we will keep her at her current school for now. Then just hope a place becomes available at the closer school 😩