Thoughts on deferral

[Babybrain26]

We're considering deferring our 3 year old from preschool/primary school. Unfortunately there aren't really many opportunities for deferral of p1 as for the interim year there's nowhere to send him so we have to decide now (prior to nursery) whether or not to defer him. He would be 3 years 4 months starting nursery 4 years 4 months starting primary. He has no sen thankfully and his speech is good. We're still trying to potty train him though and he can't drink from a cup yet. He's good at most other things tho. At the moment for preschool there are no major concerns however I worry how he'll be in primary school. He's still ery immature and gas no interest in academics unlike his older brother (December born) at this stage. However his older brother likely has asd, but even so, seemed more ready somehow. The eldest attends a play therapist, so our youngest joined in last week to gain her opinion. She had no hesitation in saying he should continue to nursery school. No asd concerns, just that he was very active in play and may need movement breaks. Despite all the positives, I still question if sending him on is the right thing. My birthday is around the same as our youngest and I felt I struggled in primary compared to my peers. I just want to do what's best for him. Deferral however mean either sending him to a playgroup for an extra year (with the year group younger). I've applied for a private pre school however its hard to say if he'll get a space at this stage. I would be happier If he was there though foe this year and then did his funded nursery year next year to give him a solid start. Am I wrong to feel so anxious Despite everyone else's positive reports and to send him on ?

You might be better asking MN to move this to scotsnet.

Whilst I've not personally done this.

All I can say is I know loads of people who've deferred for a variety of reasons and none have regretted it.

I know a few who decided against it and regret it.

It's not a bad thing to do any extra year at nursery. There such a variety of ages in nursery these days.

We're I'm NI actually but I'm finding as it's still such a new thing here, there aren't a lot of options for the interim year if deferring and tbh a lot of the teachers/professionals seem to be against deferral. I'm slightly worried he'd be picked on too if deferred and the eldest in the class too (given an unfair advantage as some might see it).

I'm thinking so much about this but I'm running out if time to make a decision. If we defer, he'll be at a new playgroup in September, then Sept. 24, a new pre school and the following year p1. It just seems a lot of change in a relatively short space of time. The daycare he's been at has had a high turnover of staff too this past year. He didn't settle great there.

DD5 and her best friend are the youngest in the class yet most advanced and achieved the highest results in their assessments (and did very well compared to the national average) - they are days off being in reception, not 4 months. I don't understand why you are even considering holding him back

I figured you were in NI (the youngest a child can start P1 in Scotland is 4yr 6m), and you’re right - it is a very new thing here, and there aren’t the policies in place (to my knowledge) the way there are in Scotland.

Teachers are generally very against it here, and with repeating a year for a child is struggling - I know of a few who have fought for deferral or repeating with kids who have significant SEN, and only know of 1 who got it. (And it took to the end of P2 for the EA to finally agree to a repeat of a year - parents had been fighting for deferral before pre-school and then before P1, and had fought for a repeat of P1 too and never got it.)

For what it’s worth though, having lived in both NI and Scotland, and with nieces and nephews in England (and having looked at England ourselves a few times for potential job moves), NI is the best place to be for pre-school and infant education - It is much gentler than elsewhere and much more nurturing. We also have significant parental choice here in which schools we choose, so you could visit a few and choose a smaller school which would likely benefit your DS.

I can’t say whether to defer or not, but I can say that with a child with an April birthday, and myself having a May birthday, we were both totally fine at school. My experience of NI schools compared to across the water is that overall they are more gentle, more nurturing and kids grow up slower which is no bad thing.

Ladybir I think it's just my own experiences really in primary that are making me think twice. Plus he's a boy and I feel they take a bit more time to develop be ready for school i think. I don't want this just to be my own anxieties holding him back though either. I worry if future years he might see that as me not having confidence in him....I just want him starting school ready and confident though too. Its a bit of a guess how it would go...he just seems quite babyish to me still.

Popcorn and gummybears, thank you for your insight. It's interesting you consider schooling to be more gentle here so thats positive. When I was in primary, our class was rather competitive and as the second youngest I did feel it. I did 'ok' but another year would've made it a lot easier. Maybe though as he doesn't have sen, it's not enough of a reason to hold him back.

Our older son (16 months older) is sen but no statement and I can't get him assessed, will be starting p1 is the school beside our youngest in September too. He would've probably benefitted even more from a deferral but unfortunately there's no option to as he's December born.

@Babybrain26 you definitely have some schools which are more pushy and some which are less-so. By and large, smaller schools tend to be less pushy, as do integrated schools and rural schools. (Having said that, one of the schools in my town which has a reputation for being quite pushy has recently voted to go integrated and I doubt that will change its way of doing things too much!) When we moved here from Scotland I deliberately chose a less pushy school for my youngest even though all the kids in our neighbourhood went elsewhere. (We are pretty much equidistance from the two schools) The school the local kids all go to has a brilliant reputation but is very middle class and very pushy - I wanted more diverse and less pushy so went elsewhere and it was 100% the right decision for us. DC is now at one of the top grammars in the country - so clearly very able - but went there with considerably more confidence than I think would have been the case had we gone for our (ever so slightly) more local primary.

PopcornAndGummyBears thanks for the reply. The primary our eldest is starting at we chose due to distance really from our home and neighbours recommending it. Truthfully though I'm unsure how it's going to go, as they are quite academic and I'm not sure how good their sen support is. The preschool beside it though is quite small which I liked and although under funded, the teachers are very involved and they impressed me at their open day. I'm just hoping the primary works out, to me it's quite a big school but locally it's probably similar or smaller than the others. It's just the unknown and making a decision for the next 12 years based on a bit of a guess is tough for me. You have helped me though with your reassurance and Info.

I've deferred my child. She was meant to start school last year but will go in August at 5.5. She needed the extra time as she was emotionally young for her age. It's been great! She's loved the extra year at nursery and has thoroughly enjoyed it. It's flown in!

My best piece of advice I can give is that nothing has to be forever. If the school you’ve chosen doesn’t work out - move schools. Plenty of people do it - there is movement in almost every year group in every school across the country, every year - it’s not that unusual - and kids are really resilient and schools are really welcoming. My DC have moved schools plenty - my eldest moved between pre-school and P1, between P2 & P3, halfway through P4, between P5 & P6, moved to high school and then moved again between 3rd form & 4th form - she’s absolutely fine! The younger ones also did plenty of moves, albeit a few less because they were younger, and they’re all grand too. You can ALWAYS change your mind later if it doesn’t work out

edited to point out that all these moves were because of house moves/country relocations etc - not just because we couldn’t make up our minds!

@MillsAndBalloons hope you don't mind me asking but, what signs did you have that your child was emotionally young? As I said the play therapist did mention that our youngest may have issues sitting for longer periods as he was quite active in play still. Would this be a sign?

I know lots who have strong opinions for or against defferal, I don’t have either but think it really is in the best interest of child to make individual decisions. However I will say it’s not ideal to be making that decision now, so much can change for a child in 12 months, so a deferal would mean you think he will be ready in 2 years which is an awfully long way off to predict, you could end up with a bored child who develops well in the next year and is then held back. I would keep him with his co Hort for this year and then re assess, espy as professionals aren’t concerned

I think yes ideally I would try him in preschool and assess mid way to see how he's going, but by doing a deferral of p1 instead, we would have no where to put him in the interim year unfortunately, as he wouldn't get a second year of funded pre school, and there's only one private pre school near us who I'm not sure would take him over the preschool age. This is kind of forcing me to make the decision now unfortunately. By deferring now, we could pay for a year of preschool in the private school (possibly, he's currently on their waiting list as they only take 16) or put him as in the pre pre playgroup for a year (although this is not my preference but at least its an option) however they are wanting a deposit by May 30th to keep his space.

Sorry I didnt realise P1, etc is also used in NI - I thought that was only used in Scotland