DS(9) feeling demoralised at school

[Coconutdreamer]

DS(9) is in y4, and about to be assessed by an Educational Psychologist that the Senco has arranged due to poor spelling and writing ability. Possible dyslexic traits but a basic screening said low probability (reading is fine). Anyway, all of this is finally being looked into and will be addressed accordingly.

However, DS is becoming increasingly sad and upset about school. He knows he is very behind in writing and spelling (at y2 level) and other kids point this out to him, plus his handwriting is not good at all despite our best efforts at practising etc (he doesn’t meet the criteria for dyspraxia we don’t think).

He has never had Star Of The Week (x 2 given per week for Classroom and PE), and looking at the newsletters on the website it appear that he is the only child in his class to have never had one at all. DS says he feels upset that nothing he does is good enough for the teachers. He tries so hard (teacher has confirmed this in parents evenings etc), and is one of the very few who has scaffolding support in the classroom so he says he stands out. He says the other kids ask why have you got a different sheet to us, why do you go out of the classroom with a TA when it’s the weekly spelling test, and apparently it was anarchy when he had an iPad while everyone else did the work on paper (teacher told us this).

So, he says that he feels like he’s standing out like a sore thumb for the extra support he needs for writing and spelling, and is never recognised for things like Star Of The Week.

I don’t know what I’m asking really; has anyone had a child who needs extra support and is made fun of and then also ignored when it comes to achievement awards etc? He says he’s feeling down about school for this, even though we do what we can to bolster his confidence, say these awards aren’t always reflective of the most deserving sometimes, we’re proud of his efforts etc and all that matters is that he does his best.

It also doesn’t help that his y3 cousin has moved to a private school and SIL now constantly goes on about how the school have identified him as talented and gifted in 3 subjects, and he’s getting all sorts of recognition and awards at school (we see them weekly, they don’t know about DS’s struggles as he doesn’t want us to tell
anyone because he’s embarrassed). I really wish SIL would zip it.

Sorry that was long.

Op I really feel for your little one. Sometimes extra help makes life more difficult for them. Can you get a private tutor???

Something I was going to post as above

Seek extra, private tutuion - additionally, extra football etc if he is interested and possibly playing the guitar/piano etc along with judo or karate.

IMO that will give him more confidence

I sincerely do feel for all of you and I hope your DS feels a lot better soon

Btw, no offence, private tuition can be quite expensive I know that our son arranges it for our GC - consider a private tuition class of similar ability etc - look on the net for locals as often cheaper, but about 20 quid an hour

Even when kids are doing well, it never hurts to get them a bit of private education

Also consider weekdn events hols evens for DS - they often do a trial, see if DC likes it

Good luck

Hello! I'm dyslexic so couldn't not come and say hello. Why not go into the school and ask for a meeting with his teacher. Just say that you are worried about his confidence. He needs a confidence boost! Whether that be star of the week, a role in a school play, verbal recognition from the teachers. You mentioned some of the things he struggles with but what is he really good at? What does he enjoy? Friends? Sports? Music? Can the school get him to spend more time doing the things he loves doing and is good at? Might be worth also thinking about some hobbies outside of school that will give him a peer group that don't know anything about his academic abilities. It's not all about how we do at school, after all.

That's so sad.
Just firstly (very kindly as my son also has SEN so I totally know where you are coming from). Ignore the sister in law. She is just rightly proud of her child. How well they are doing has nothing to do with the fact that your son is struggling.

With regards to your son. Yes, I have been there with mine. I have had both children and parents laugh at him more than once for sports.

He also has different allowances in the classroom and used to be taken out of class a few times a week for handwriting intervention. We have found out now he also has dysgraphia, could this fit for your son? He is now allowed to type all his work and is happier that way.

My son does have some subjects that he is very good at so we focus on those and on the effort he makes with the things he finds tricky. It has helped having the various diagnosis so he understands himself why certain things are difficult.

Has your son been assessed by an occupational therapist? As this may help.

With regards to star of the week, that's dreadful that he has never had it and I can understand why that would knock his confidence. Could you speak to the teacher about how he is feeling? They may be able to help.

Basically I'd suggest really working hard on his self esteem. There are many workbooks to help with this.

I would arrange a private tutor for handwriting etc, he may just need a different approach and an experienced tutor will have a range of methods at their disposal. DD’s handwriting is atrocious tbh and I’m considering it.

I've raised it with school when a child felt his way - they would appear with a pupil of the week certificate straight after! Do absolutely pass that on.
I'm amazed your son is standing out so much as most classes will have multiple children in them with different support needs. Maybe it's because they're still fairly young, but my dc was diagnosed as dyslexic at school when he was 6. I wouldn't get him a tutor (yet) if he's already feeling singled out. Maybe some fun online learning games.But I'd praise all the cool stuff he is able to do well.
And definitely let the school know how he's feeling.

Thanks all for your responses.
@DistinguishedSocialCommentator @shellyleppard yes we have decided to get a tutor but we do want the EP assessment first as we want to try and ascertain exactly what the issue is, and then this can be clearly communicated to a tutor so he/she can target the areas most needed.

@Preggers101 DS does several activities outside of school which he enjoys, although I wouldn’t say he has shown any talent for anything. He’s probably a child who will always fly under the radar both academically and non-academic. He loves to try new things so that’s always good and just this week he’s started lessons for a new sport.

@Newuser75 I will look into Dysgraphia thanks. He has never seen an OT so I will
look into that as it’s helpful to rule things out.

I think I will say something to the teacher about the Star of the Week if he doesn’t get one about a week or two after half-term.

@MistressIggi I’m not sure why he’s standing out so much, but it only takes one child to draw attention to him and then others notice.

He is generally a fairly confident child but he’s becoming increasingly aware that he is behind in some areas compared to his peers. He was a bit upset this morning as he told me that on Friday he was partnered with two other pupils to do a writing task, and one child said to the other that “DS’ writing is so bad it looks like he is writing in Chinese.” He said that the other pupil said no it does not, so I tried to put a positive spin on it that this other child stood up for you. This is the sort of comments he gets which knock his confidence.

Good luck OP!!

If he finds a hobbie he enjoys and is even good at out of school, he talk to his class about it? It might help his confidence to be able to tell his class what he’s good at. At my DS
school hold a talent show the older children are able to show what they can do infront of the school once a year. Does your Sons school hold a talent show? If they do that might be something to consider, the talent doesn’t even have to be entertainment based it could be anything.